What are the life lessons one can learn from pain?
“I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.” – Haruki Murakam
“Why don’t you like romcoms?” My friend asked me the other night.
I smiled at her, refraining myself from telling the truth.
What was I supposed to say? That it’s not my reality? That I can’t relate with these foolishly happy characters so full of optimism, luck and love? That’s not real life. Life is not a romcom. It’s a slow mundane drama with it’s fair share of twists and turns and an undetermined ending that’s open to interpretation. The reality is, there are numerous life lessons to learn which change and shape us constantly.
I know I sound like a sad and depressed guy but I am not. Really. Well, maybe I used to be. But not anymore. Now I just happen to be in love with pain. No…I am not talking about self-harm or physical pain or the kind of kinky pleasurable pain some of you may be thinking about.
I am talking about the pain that hits you the hardest. The pain you feel inside your heart and your soul. I am talking about emotional pain. The pain that makes you feel useless. The pain that makes you want to give up and just drop dead. The pain that makes you realize what life is actually about. The pain that makes you realize how beautiful you are inside. I am talking about the pain that we have all felt at some point in time in our lives or may be feeling right now. There are a lot of life lessons to learn from pain. And I am in love with that pain. Why? Let me try to explain.
This is how I met pain
“Pain is a part of growing up. It’s how we learn.” – Dan Brown
What is the easiest way to teach someone what pain feels like? Break their hearts. It’s that simple. That’s all it takes to feel a numbing sensation inside that makes you feel your entire existence is crashing down. Nothing is more painful than a broken heart. Heartbreak can come from anything…anything that matters to you, anything that has emotional value to you.
The first time I met pain was when I was a child. When my parents decided to move to a new city and I had to leave everything behind. That was the first time I felt this pain inside me. I had to leave the home I grew up in. I had to leave my friends. The girl I liked. And my loving pets ended up with my grandparents. Everything I knew, everything I loved, everything I had in my life, everything that made me…me was gone. Yes, I hated my parents for doing this to me for a really long time. But for me, there were a lot of life lessons to learn from this pain at that young age. And I did. The next time we moved, it hurt a little less. I had grown up a bit by then and I was used to this pain now. I was used to losing all that mattered to me.
Did it make me a pessimist?
Was I depressed?
But it still hurt.
And I tried desperately not to go through this feeling again.
I grew up to be a loner trying hard not to make any attachments. To people. To things. To places. But that wasn’t going to work. I was simply not the person I was trying so desperately to be. I was a highly sensitive, loving and caring person. And I hated that. For so long I tried to change who I was. Because when you love someone, the pain soon follows. That’s the sad truth.
”You may have had unfair things happen to you, but the depth of your pain is an indication of the height of your future.” – Joel Osteen
I got my heartbroken by the girl I fell in love with the first time. I lost some of my pets who meant the world to me. My first girlfriend cheated on me after a 7 year-long relationship. Friends backstabbed. Coworkers conspired. Family mistreated. In short, life happened. This was nothing unusual. Everyone has to go through these experiences. Right? But from my perspective, it seemed I was the only one who was being targeted. As if God was deliberately taking time out to play with me. I cried. I screamed. I holed up in my room. I felt alone. I felt a rush of mixed emotions and no one was there with me to tell me everything was going to be okay. I was stuck in a dark foggy pit and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t escape. I just couldn’t end this pain.