How to Transform Painful Experiences or Emotions: The #1 Tool

How to Transform Painful Experiences

Are you finding it tough to let go of the painful experiences or negative emotions from your life? Do you want to shed what no longer suits you? Then here is my #1 tool to transform painful experiences or emotions.

As I delve deeper and deeper into the topic of creating our extraordinary lives after 40, I am amazed by how many women feel disempowered and over-the-hill as they move closer to 50 and beyond.

How many women feel that their best years are behind them. That they’re losing their looks, energy, health and vitality.

That sexual intimacy with their partners (or themselves) is the last thing on their minds or something that they “do to keep their partners happy” when they would rather be doing something else.

How many women have settled for the “good enough” relationship or career/life contribution rationalizing that this is as good as it’s going to get for them in this lifetime?

“REALLY?”, my inner coach wants to scream.

Don’t get me wrong. I get it. I too have felt all of these things at times during the past decade. I’m 49 now and I too sometimes struggle with the changes that are taking place in my body and my psyche.

Related: 7 Signs You Need Immediate Emotional Healing

How to transform painful experiences?

What I’ve learned through my own journey (and from interviewing nearly 100 world-class experts on the subject) is that the inner work of this time in life is to:

1. Shed what no longer suits us.

2. Claim our power.

3. Step into a brighter, more authentic future.

These are each very big steps so I’ll address them each in detail today and over the next couple of weeks.

Today, let’s talk about SHEDDING WHAT NO LONGER SUITS US.


It may be a job or career path, an unfulfilling romantic relationship or unsupportive friendship, a way of eating (junk!) or exercise that no longer work for our changing bodies, being fed up with never having enough money for what you want to do, etc.

There’s a way that whatever doesn’t suit us becomes glaringly obvious in our 40s. We start to feel a deep inner discontentment that can no longer be ignored. Maybe we can’t quite put our finger on it, but the sense that this can’t be all that there is, that we really thought our lives would be in a different place by now, won’t let us rest.

Or the Universe makes sure we get the message that something needs to change via a scary illness or a partner having an affair or being laid off from a job or a business going under. I call it the Universal 2X4.

This internal discontentment and the corresponding need for change usually bring up a lot of fear. Does this mean that we have to leave our partner? Our job? Abandon life as we know it? Run off to Bora Bora?

It may also trigger old, dormant inner child issues that need to be worked through and healed. You may find yourself especially sensitive, emotional, or reactive. I believe it’s not “just the hormones”. 

It’s your soul calling you to shed what no longer serves you. 

Getting Over A Painful Experiences
How to Transform Painful Experiences or Emotions: The #1 Tool

To heal what you need to from the past so you can move forward into a brighter future without excess baggage.

Related: The Effects Of Negative Emotions On Our Health

So what can we do with all this (other than run off to Bora Bora?).

As you may know, I moved my family to South America the year that I turned 40 to live a calmer and more adventurous lifestyle and travel the world as much as possible. I’m definitely not opposed to running off to Bora Bora or anywhere else.

I would however strongly suggest doing the deep inner work first.

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Natalie Matushenko

Natalie Matushenko, PCC, CPCC is an expert in helping you find your purpose, create abundance and turn your passions into a lifestyle. She’s a certified leadership and co-active coach, co-author of the #1 Amazon best seller Ignite Conscious Leadership book, Ivy League University and top business school graduate and adventurer. Over the past nearly twenty years, Natalie has helped thousands of soulful go-getters – entrepreneurs, Fortune 100 executives, not-for-profit and government leaders – make a huge impact in the world while taking radically good care of themselves and creating lives they love. Learn more about Natalie’s signature Passion and Purpose Life Course here.View Author posts