Is This You?
I’m a complex being.
I’m both introverted and extroverted at the same time.
I’m full of love and happiness
and yet I know sadness and pain deeply.
I love to be around people,
but it comes with anxiety
so I usually just choose to be alone.
I am always deep in my mind with complex thoughts
about how I feel about the world,
other people, and myself.
Half of the time it seems like I’m just in my own world,
and when around others
I feel like an outsider looking in…
I know you’ve been dealing it silently, you’ve been so timid about the topic and you’ve been vulnerable all this time.
To you, In yourself, I know it really hurts, the pain that stroke your heart created a scar. Yes, the wound will heal but we can’t deny that the indent of it will stay and will always stay.
Let the wound bleed and bear the pain for in the end the scar that formed symbolizes how strong you are to deal it with class. Know this, everything is temporary and will all pass, you just have to accept it.
You are a person full of mystique. The circumstance is just so dynamic but it will show the real worth you have.
Trust him, He is showing you his best plan.
‘In every hardship there is ease’.
What are the life lessons one can learn from pain?
“I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.” – Haruki Murakam
“Why don’t you like romcoms?” My friend asked me the other night.
I smiled at her, refraining myself from telling the truth.
What was I supposed to say? That it’s not my reality? That I can’t relate with these foolishly happy characters so full of optimism, luck and love? That’s not real life. Life is not a romcom. It’s a slow mundane drama with it’s fair share of twists and turns and an undetermined ending that’s open to interpretation. The reality is, there are numerous life lessons to learn which change and shape us constantly.
I know I sound like a sad and depressed guy but I am not. Really. Well, maybe I used to be. But not anymore. Now I just happen to be in love with pain. No…I am not talking about self-harm or physical pain or the kind of kinky pleasurable pain some of you may be thinking about.
I am talking about the pain that hits you the hardest. The pain you feel inside your heart and your soul. I am talking about emotional pain. The pain that makes you feel useless. The pain that makes you want to give up and just drop dead. The pain that makes you realize what life is actually about. The pain that makes you realize how beautiful you are inside. I am talking about the pain that we have all felt at some point in time in our lives or may be feeling right now. There are a lot of life lessons to learn from pain. And I am in love with that pain. Why? Let me try to explain.
This is how I met pain
“Pain is a part of growing up. It’s how we learn.” – Dan Brown
What is the easiest way to teach someone what pain feels like? Break their hearts. It’s that simple. That’s all it takes to feel a numbing sensation inside that makes you feel your entire existence is crashing down. Nothing is more painful than a broken heart. Heartbreak can come from anything…anything that matters to you, anything that has emotional value to you.
The first time I met pain was when I was a child. When my parents decided to move to a new city and I had to leave everything behind. That was the first time I felt this pain inside me. I had to leave the home I grew up in. I had to leave my friends. The girl I liked. And my loving pets ended up with my grandparents. Everything I knew, everything I loved, everything I had in my life, everything that made me…me was gone. Yes, I hated my parents for doing this to me for a really long time. But for me, there were a lot of life lessons to learn from this pain at that young age. And I did. The next time we moved, it hurt a little less. I had grown up a bit by then and I was used to this pain now. I was used to losing all that mattered to me.
And I tried desperately not to go through this feeling again.
I grew up to be a loner trying hard not to make any attachments. To people. To things. To places. But that wasn’t going to work. I was simply not the person I was trying so desperately to be. I was a highly sensitive, loving and caring person. And I hated that. For so long I tried to change who I was. Because when you love someone, the pain soon follows. That’s the sad truth.
”You may have had unfair things happen to you, but the depth of your pain is an indication of the height of your future.” – Joel Osteen
I got my heartbroken by the girl I fell in love with the first time. I lost some of my pets who meant the world to me. My first girlfriend cheated on me after a 7 year-long relationship. Friends backstabbed. Coworkers conspired. Family mistreated. In short, life happened. This was nothing unusual. Everyone has to go through these experiences. Right? But from my perspective, it seemed I was the only one who was being targeted. As if God was deliberately taking time out to play with me. I cried. I screamed. I holed up in my room. I felt alone. I felt a rush of mixed emotions and no one was there with me to tell me everything was going to be okay. I was stuck in a dark foggy pit and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t escape. I just couldn’t end this pain.
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
There is something in me
that I want to know.
My own Me are totally clueless
and confused with what I want and
what I feel inside this haywire brain and
this anxious heart.
I mean my brain and my heart are
totally conniving to make me
feel nothing deeply.
I am not the same.
Who wasn’t ready to fall in love with you.
Thinking its absurd
Waste of time, emotions and feelings too.
I fell for you,
I fell so hard that I got bruises too.
The pain is one of its kinds that feels like euphoria.
Sometimes, I want to escape that pain.
But, on the other hand.
I am still in love with you.
Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!
What are the things to remember when you feel broken inside?
Life is never a smooth ride.
You might now be swearing to god that, life has broken you several times and it’s been a continuous pattern.
Hold on. I know. And dear, you are not alone. Here we are all with you because there is not even a single person in this world who has not been broken.
There could be innumerable things that might have broken you – loss of your job, divorce, separation from your romantic partner, bereavement, or your abusive relationship. Whatever might be the reason to have a broken heart, you should know a few things that will keep your fighting spirit high and will never let you give up on hope.
I know, when your heart is breaking into a thousand pieces, keeping up the urge and strength to fight your overwhelming emotional reaction feels almost implausible. But trust me, every time I have been there, I have emerged out stronger than before. It’s like a never-ending process of transformation, where the nastier the blow, the stronger you materialize.
Your heartbreaking inside can lead you to believe that there is nothing positive about your life. No matter how dark the tunnel is, you should know that the light is always on the opposite side of the tunnel. Hope is the guide you have to rely on.
The road to ultimate happiness, contentment, and mental peace transpiring grief and pain might seem to be a dark one but these following things you should always remember when you feel immensely broken inside.
Here are 7 things to remember when you feel broken:
1. Remember to anticipate positive changes.
Often we feel broken beyond repairable. It feels like the end of the world and finding hope and optimism becomes increasingly difficult when we are suffering in pain. We feel like we can never get over the mess that we have put ourselves in. And it is absolutely natural to feel this way.
When we get stuck in circumstances that are consistently getting overbearing on our available coping resources, we only keep focusing on the negative aspects of our life. Think of those times, in the past, when you have been broken. Ask yourself, did it seem easy then?
Did you believe you could come out of all of it?
How did you come to where you are today?
When we ruminate on negative things, we fail to focus on the positive. Hence our anticipation of the future is often dark, hopeless and purposeless. But if you could overcome the pain in the past, you can for sure do it this time too.
Our beliefs hugely influence the outcomes of our life incidents, this phenomenon is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. This “prediction” or expectation of the person comes true simply because one believes it will, and their resulting behaviors align to fulfill those beliefs.
Keep believing that you are going to see positive changes in your mood, and in your life. Also, work accordingly.
They are scared of women like you.
Women with hearts big enough to house suitcases full of pain.
Women with laughs so therapeutic they can heal wounds.
Women with passion fierce enough to start wildfires.
They are scared of what they can’t tame or understand. – Billy Chapata
Your heart is still intact the way it should be, and no one person has the strength to break you and the character you have built over a long time. The Love, peace, strength, joy, happiness and hope you gave away were the ones shattered and not the ones inside of you and maybe you don’t have to nurse the pain of depriving yourself and any other person the best versions of these things deep inside of you.
They should be writhing in the pain of their ignorance in not valuing and utilizing what you gave away heartily; maybe not the reverse. I don’t think anyone has enough of such power of breaking your heart, they only have a privileged power to open your heart, mind, soul, body, and eyes to a whole lot of possibilities which ordinarily would take you a whole lot of energy to figure out on your own. They are energy savers, not drainers. They are only just a step in your journey towards perfection if you are sensitive enough to every positive negative they deposited in you.