Life is never a smooth ride. You might now be swearing to god that, life has broken you several times and it’s been a continuous pattern.
Hold on. I know. And dear, you are not alone. Here we are all with you because there is not even a single person in this world who has not been broken.
There could be innumerable things that might have broken you – loss of your job, divorce, separation from your romantic partner, bereavement, or your abusive relationship. Whatever might be the reason to have a broken heart, you should know a few things that will keep your fighting spirit high and will never let you give up on hope.
I know, when your heart is breaking into a thousand pieces, keeping up the urge and strength to fight your overwhelming emotional reaction feels almost implausible. But trust me, every time I have been there, I have emerged out stronger than before. It’s like a never-ending process of transformation, where the nastier the blow, the stronger you materialize.
Your heartbreaking inside can lead you to believe that there is nothing positive about your life. No matter how dark the tunnel is, you should know that the light is always on the opposite side of the tunnel. Hope is the guide you have to rely on.
The road to ultimate happiness, contentment, and mental peace transpiring grief and pain might seem to be a dark one but these following things you should always remember when you feel immensely broken inside.
Here are 7 things to remember when you feel broken:
1. Remember To Anticipate Positive Changes.
Often we feel broken beyond repairable. It feels like the end of the world and finding hope and optimism becomes increasingly difficult when we are suffering in pain. We feel like we can never get over the mess that we have put ourselves in. And it is absolutely natural to feel this way.
When we get stuck in circumstances that are consistently getting overbearing on our available coping resources, we only keep focusing on the negative aspects of our life. Think of those times, in the past, when you have been broken. Ask yourself, did it seem easy then?
Did you believe you could come out of all of it?
How did you come to where you are today?
When we ruminate on negative things, we fail to focus on the positive. Hence our anticipation of the future is often dark, hopeless, and purposeless. But if you could overcome the pain in the past, you can for sure do it this time too.
Our beliefs hugely influence the outcomes of our life incidents, this phenomenon is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. This “prediction” or expectation of the person comes true simply because one believes it will, and their resulting behaviors align to fulfill those beliefs.
Keep believing that you are going to see positive changes in your mood, and in your life. Also, work accordingly.
Good days are coming soon.
2. Remember To Reside In The Present.
“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.” ― Alan Wilson Watts
When we are sad, broken we are disillusioned to live in the past, gradually losing grip over our present. If you let your negative thoughts get the best of you, you will recurrently slip into the cycle of despair and anguish. On the other hand, thinking of positive experiences will surely bring you joy.
The key here is to focus on the present. Most often our cause of feeling broken lies in the past; we keep on ruminating about the negative incidents that have devastated us, broken our self-esteem, and left us vulnerable. What you can do to not let these negative thoughts take over us is to not focus on the content of the thought.
Suppose, your partner has insulted you before she left you, instead of focusing on the content of the incident, focus on what emotion is triggered in you.
Suppose she said, “you are a worthless person, incapable of keeping me happy.” Do not focus on this content, rather, label it as “criticism” and focus on how it made you feel.
Did it make you feel small? If yes, then why?
These procedures will help you introspect your deepest conflicts, fear, and insecurities which will lead to a permanent solution.
3. Remember To Practice Gratitude.
Over the years we all acquire knowledge about the self and the world around us. This is how we form cognitive schemas about a number of things around us.
When one repeatedly experiences lows in life, one forms a core belief about one’s own self, like, “I am not lucky enough,” or “I am meant to be in pain,” or “My fate is to suffer.” These are self-limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves, and as it comes with experience, it’s often hard to modify them. It might be difficult to modify, but it’s not impossible.
Whenever we focus on our negative thoughts, we tend to generalize them to all aspects of our life.
Now, these negative thoughts do not define your entire life. Think. Aren’t there any positive experiences in your life? Do you not feel lucky for everything that you have?
Always remember when you feel broken, the things that you have, someone else might be praying for. So feel gratitude for them. Value those little things in life that has a bigger impact. A lost job, a separated partner can be found anew, but a moment spent with your aging parents, fun with your siblings, a moment of happiness spread to people who need it is irreplaceable and invaluable. Feel grateful for all the little moments in your life so far, that brought you happiness.
4. Remember To Inculcate Positive Self-Talk.
When every drop of our blood is draining from our hearts, like it’s shattering to pieces, we often give in to negative self-talk. These negative self-talks seem to align with our low mood at that point in time.
We start to listen to the voice inside us, sabotaging every drop of self-confidence that we have. At this very moment, you have to take control and start to consciously mold the negative self-talk into self-upgrading, self-promoting positive self-talks.
Change negative self-talk like “I am a miserable being,” or “I cannot help myself out of this situation,” or “I am worthless and deserve to be punished,” to positive self-talk using statements like “I am going through a hard time but I can get over this as I did before,” or “I have the strength and capacity to move out of this mess,” or “I will somehow help myself out of this situation.”
5. Remember That Life Is Uncertain.
Life is a mystery. For you for me and for everyone else. We forget how unpredictable it is. Also not remembering a very crucial fact about it, that it is short and about to get over anytime, without notice!
So what does this tell you about life?
That life is now and here. Even one second wasted in reflecting on negative experiences is not worth its price. If you are going through a hard time now, you never know if beautiful days are on their way or not. Hold on. Keep grinding. Happy days come as a surprise.
“Every single day is a good day no matter how bright or dark it is because it always brings an opportunity to start a positive beginning in your life.” ― Edmond Mbiaka
6. Remember To Ask For Help.
Your pain can acquire a magnanimous shape and cope with it alone can get difficult. Do not feel embarrassed to ask for help even if in the beginning sharing your vulnerabilities seem too overpowering.
Know that people around you, who you can trust will never take advantage out of your low times. They are here to help, to listen, to understand and to empathize.
Keeping all of your thoughts bulge and grow inside you will only make it difficult to cope with time. Let it out by talking about it to people who you believe can understand where you are coming from.
If you feel the need to, talk to a counselor for better advice on handling your pain.
7. Remember That Nothing Lasts Forever.
Nothing lasts forever. No. It is not to remind you of your losses but a sweet reminder to the fact that even your hard days not temporary. Give yourself time.
Let your pain incubate. Sometimes, leaving your hurt, pain the way it is, without trying to poke, probe, or tease it, helps in faster recovery. In times of hardship and misery, don’t forget to remember that even your worst nightmares come with an expiry date as your happy days do.
“Life is tough darling, but so are you.”
You know it. Right?