How to Stop Being Controlled by Shame and Judgement

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Judgement

How many times have you decided on a course of life for yourself and taken a step back because of your fear of judgement? Oftentimes the worry of ‘what others will think’ hold us back from taking action that might be life-changing for us. Are you one of these people who never voiced their opinions in order to be liked by everyone? Sorry for breaking it down to you, it’s completely impossible.

We are in unique times, where past hurts and insecurities are coming up to the surface, currently on a daily basis, for us to clear. We are also in times where we can address the roots of these pains and either let them go or simply acknowledge the lessons they offered.

One such thing that causes incredible insecurity and suffering is the shame bought on by judgement. Fearing the judgements of others, as well as the judgements we place on ourselves, has kept us imprisoned more than we probably realize. Until we recognize this, we will continue to alter our behavior patterns to fit in with others’ expectations, and not be true to ourselves.

The fear of judegment not only hinders authenticity, pushing us to alter opinions and beliefs to align with mainstream narratives, it also holds us back from following dreams and reaching potentials. Living as a ‘people pleaser’ or ‘the nice guy’ may seem like the best way to keep the peace, but if we are being untrue in these actions we are simply holding ourselves back.

We are in times where being authentic is so important. Let’s face it, the old world has been pretty much built on lies. To live more authentically, we have to face the truth and this means recognizing how the fear of rejection, shame, and a desire to ‘fit-in’ has altered our actions and ideas.

How This Works

The fear of judgement and rejection work hand-in-hand. When we don’t share the truth of who we are, for the fear of being judged or rejected, we end up burying parts of ourselves. We cannot be true if we hide who we are.

For example, as Empaths, we might not want to share our ‘Empathic traits’ because it gives reason for others to judge and reject.

Those of us who are Sensitive, feel the judgements of others, even when unsaid or hidden behind fake positivity. If these judgements trigger buried feelings of shame, which causes old wounds to reopen, we will work even harder to avoid being judged. Which often means locking ourselves down to others and becoming impenetrable.

Related: Layers of The Empath Gift: 10 Levels of Empath Evolution

Caring about others’ opinions creates a prison for both the body and mind and blocks authenticity.

Human Nature

As humans, judgements are systematically threaded into our core. Even if it is just to assess whether a certain person is safe or trustworthy.

It is ok to live a life other don’t understand

Assessing a situation or person, for safety reasons, is normal and can prevent unnecessary suffering. However, living in fear of judgement not only makes us afraid of speaking our truth, we might also hide our creative side for being shamed about not being good enough. Our gifts then stay hidden away and we don’t allow new ideas in.

Related: 10 Types of Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs

We are Controlled by Pain and Shame

We all carry emotional pain that is locked up in shame. By its manipulation, good people are controlled by the ‘powers that be.’ They pigeon hole us. Telling us we need to follow the same agenda, have the same opinions and education.

But, as I’ve said many times before, we are all different, with different outlooks and needs, even as Empaths. We are supposed to have freedom of speech and thought, yet, those who don’t agree with the mainstream narratives are often vilified or shamed in some way.

Related: 7 Signs You Need Immediate Emotional Healing

No one wants the agony that is triggered by humiliation. This is why so many live in the fear of judgement. And this is what holds many people back from taking chances in life and living in their truth.

I believe a big reason why Empaths ‘freeze’ around inauthenticity is because it’s a constant reminder that fakery and pretense do not promote growth, especially when it is used for manipulation. Lying and living inauthentically is cheating in life. It’s also following the ‘easy path.’

Looking from Another Perspective

Those who faced the biggest adversities in life, especially after facing judgements and discriminations, and came out on top, are the ones who have the most incredible life stories to share.

Yes, their journey may have been painful, it may have been overcoming one thing after another, but it also created exponential growth. Being given an easy ride in life doesn’t give much in the way of lessons.

Another thing I have said many times over the years is that the easy path never turns out to be easy. The person who has come from an underprivileged background and clambered their way to the top, overcoming adversity and disapproval, will have a far more interesting and rewarding life than the one born with a silver spoon and having everything handed to them on a plate.

Related: Your Most Secret Fear According To Your Zodiac Sign

Ironically, the ‘powers that be’ have also dictated to us what success is. People are judged on levels of achievement by perceived wealth, house size, car, and wardrobe. But true success is not needing ‘stuff’ to know your worth.

Success should be measured by levels of contentment and hurdles faced and overcome. We earn our rewards through putting the work in, and we gain understanding through life experience and challenges faced.

Humans don’t grow and gain understanding from having it easy. I’m not saying that emotional pain should be a goal to strive towards. But having emotional discomforts and hardship can give us motivation and momentum to push ourselves up, out, and beyond.

However, if we continue to follow the herd because it is easy and the best way to avoid shame and judegments, we are simply locking down our unique spark and following a road that leads to unfulfillment.

Believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.

Surrender Judgements

If we want to live a life away from judgements, it helps to own self-acceptance. Know your worth. Accept that the past may have caused emotional pain for the reason it offered obstacles to overcome.

Know that it is ok to be different. Know that if you have suffered and struggled and strived to live authentically you are doing something right.

We may not know the shape of things to come or where our future will lead, but as I said in my last post, it is time to surrender our fears, beliefs, and old ways of being. Let go of the fear of judgement and shame and instead focus on the light within.

It is time to create the new. Happy Summer Solstice. Let’s see where the eclipse and astrological alignments take us next.

Until next time.
©Diane Kathrine

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Written by: Diane Kathrine
Originally appeared on
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