Leaving a sociopath is no ordinary break up.
It’s an escape from terror, abuse, and harm.
We’re not in denial. – We’re scared out of our minds.
After this break-up, going for coffee, or each other’s weddings five years down the road is not an option. Being friends with a sociopath is not a possibility. After leaving a sociopath, if we’re still trying to be friends, or calling them up, we don’t understand what a sociopath is.
Predators use and take, not because they’re allowed to, but because it’s what they are and what they do.
Sociopaths are not friends with anyone, and they sure as shootin’ don’t love anyone, nope, not even us. The terror we go through trying to leave them, whether it’s to end a fake–lationship of five months or fifty years, is nothing like an ordinary break up.
You’ll Doubt Your Decision to Break Up with the Narcissistic User
We’ll second guess the break-up. Doubt will come in waves – our human, trusting, loving hearts try to rationalize the insanity of what happened. Don’t doubt it even with confusion spinning our minds. – The crazy happened. It was all lies. A sociopath’s “normal” is lying – they do not love.
There will also be fear – possibly terror. There are steps to take to protect ourselves when leaving a sociopath. If we call, email, text, see them or hook up we’re in danger.
Leaving this nut-job will be one of the hardest things we ever do. But we can do it! Understanding how they think is key.
It’s Normal To Doubt and Feels Fear
After leaving a sociopath, doubt and fear mix in a hollow, heavy pit in our stomach. As normal, loving humans, we grope for something to make sense. It won’t until we think of it all – the whole “relationship” – the way a sociopath does. Fortunately, sociopaths are easy to spot once we know the signs.
We Believe the Sociopath Because We’re Normal, Not Stupid
Understand why we believe the lies of a sociopath. They lie, always. Always. Even about things they don’t need to lie about. They tell the truth on rare occasions. At those times we feel we’re on a gigantic Tilt-o-Whirl. Hold onto that one phrase uttered by the sociopath or narcissist that is so unusual we can’t comprehend it.
The one-liner that makes us reel, things like: “You only think you love me.” Or, “If you knew who I really was you wouldn’t love me.” – Those strange things they say, those things that make us wonder what they mean… are their truth and are who they really are.
Break Through the Cloud of Brainwashing Venom
Push the clouds aside and look for that snippet of what feels right. Base everything we do, every decision we make while escaping on what’s best for our lives, our safety and well being.
Lean towards that clarity, keep breathing, trust our guts and break away safely. There’s a balance between walking through fire to save ourselves and walking through fire for no greater purpose. Find your balance. There’s a balance
Leaving a Sociopath: 5 Break Up Musts
1) As soon as the door shuts, have our door locks rekeyed. Rekeying costs less than changing out the hardware doorknobs and all.
Find a locksmith online or in the good old Yellow Pages and get them over to our place as soon as the scammer is out. We’ll feel a whole lot better.
Do not let him or her back to pick anything up. Ever. Nothing. Never. Throw it out, put it on the street, whatever it is. If he or she walked out the door with any of our things – it’s best to let them go, especially if it’s only a CD or a sweater.
If we discover major items missing – jewelry, audio equipment, money, maybe we make a police report: maybe. And then there’s possible immigration and marriage fraud or violence.
Carefully consider what, how, why, and when to report – or not. Reporting doesn’t always help and then some reports are mandatory for our protection – like notifying USCIS about green card marriage fraud.