7 Troubling Characteristics Of A Love Addict You Should Know

Written By:

If you are someone who always feel scared that your relationship will fail and the person you love will abandon you, then you have come to the right place. This article is going to talk about love addiction, the characteristics of a love addict and strategies for overcoming love addiction.

Are you constantly afraid that you’re going to lose your relationship? In today’s Best Day Blog article, I will help you by sharing seven characteristics of a person who lives in that constant fear of loss and the seven solutions to stop feeling so fearful.

These characteristics have been coined many different things: relationship insecurity and anxious attachment style. Clinically, this person would be called a love addict – don’t worry about the threatening name.

If you have a favorite food, drink, or anything else, they have the same addictive mechanisms. Don’t shame yourself.

A big reason we all struggle is our inability to call things what they are. Instead, recognize that living in truth and reality are requirements for creating a healthy relationship.

Related: Is Love Addiction Real? 4 Types of Love Addicts

What are the seven characteristics of a love addict?

1. Overthinking.

This occurs when we replay conversations, look at texts, and decipher every little nuance. The critical distinction is that the thoughts are obsessive and always about figuring out the other person.

Characteristics of a love addict

2. Catastrophe thinking.

This is often triggered when there is a communication gap. Even the slightest pause in texting or talking triggers the love addict to project fear that the relationship is over, their partner is angry with them, or something is wrong.

3. Needing constant reassurance.

I struggled with this – I learned it from my mother. It was common for our family to be at dinner talking about politics or some other topic, and my mom would suddenly blurt out, “How do I look in this dress?

4. Bringing the past into the current relationship.

Love addicts’ internal fear creates an obsessive need to keep themselves safe. One of the ways they attempt to stay safe is by comparing the past to the present.

For instance, you might constantly compare things your current boyfriend does to what your last boyfriend did. Unfortunately, this attempt to avoid pain makes it impossible to be present, and being so hypervigilant can lead to the end of the relationship.

5. Give too much time, attention, and power to the other person.

The love addicts’ desperate need to avoid abandonment creates a disempowering abandonment of themselves. They do this by over-emphasizing their partner’s strengths and elevating them to fantasy.

The addict makes their partner’s life more valuable than their own. They give up their interests, space, and desires. There is far too much attention on their partner and not enough on themselves. They effectively make them their higher power.

6. Snooping.

Love addicts will feel the need and even demand to check their partner’s phone or email and look at their partner’s social media too much.

They will want to keep tabs on who they are with and where their partner is going. In addition, they are on constant alert for the possibility that they are being replaced.

7. The inability to feel whole or happy outside of a relationship.

Love addicts will feel empty, sad, and depressed if alone and often enter new relationships, even destructive ones, to avoid being alone.

Related: 8 Things Love Addicts Do To Control Their Partner From Leaving Them

What are seven solutions for love addiction?

1. Face our self-deception and acknowledge the truth.

The love addict needs to get into reality that their expectations are addictive. Our desire for unlimited positive regard and our demand for so much time and attention from the other person is excessive.

We have to recognize that how we define love is distorted, and we have recovery work to do ourselves.

2. Do the three “Gets.”

The following three steps come from Al-anon and are called the three “gets.’ Step one is to get off their back.

Our constant wondering what they’re doing, our need for continuous attention, overthinking all of their thoughts and actions, and snooping is evidence that we are “on their back” and paying too much attention to their life and not our own.

Characteristics of a love addict

3. Get out of their way.

The addict needs to stop trying to dictate or correct how their partner lives their life. Let them be who they want to be.

Don’t try to change them or get them to meet our needs. They’re okay the way they are. It’s not our place to critique, judge, and tell them who to be.

4. Get on with your own life.

Instead of putting all your time and attention into them, put it into yourself! Learn to meet your needs yourself, get back to living your own life, and pursue the hobbies, friendships, and interests you gave up when the relationship began.

5. Self-esteem work.

For the love addict, their internal sense of security now is based on their partner or the object of their pursuit. Therefore, they must start developing the belief that they have inherent value at all times and not only when they are in a relationship.

6. Develop boundaries.

Addicts struggle to contain how much they share about themselves. So here is a suggestion. I want you to think of gas pedals. If your partner shares a little bit, join them, going about 8-10 MPH. Maybe try to advance to 12-13 MPH, but if they back off, you back off.

Here’s how you know when you’re doing this right: you should feel like you’re cold, mean, selfish, and disinterested. You should feel uncomfortable because you’re used to the gas pedal being pushed to the floor.

When you feel this new discomfort, you’ll know you’re no longer acting addictively or anxious. Now you’re behaving moderately. You’ll get used to it in no time, and things will improve.

7. Work with an expert.

Childhood abandonment created the addiction. Therefore, working with a specialist is necessary to overcome it.

I encourage you to pick up Pia Mellody’s Facing Love Addiction and Facing Codependence to learn about all of this. Beverly Engle’s The Emotionally Abusive Relationship is also great.

The addict must get into reality about how abandoned they were in childhood. Those three books are central to those who suffer from love addiction.

Related: 6 Signs of Relationship Addiction

Remember, the person struggling with love addiction is not bad or weak. They are in pain and doing their best not to feel that pain. Addictively pursuing someone is the only way they currently know how to alleviate that pain.

Sadly, if left untreated, it creates more of the pain they desperately try to avoid. But there is hope. If we develop a plan to heal the underlying pain, we can find the authentic love we crave and deserve.

Additional solutions:


Written By Kenny Weiss
Originally Appeared On Kenny Weiss
love addict

Published On:

Last updated on:

, ,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How ‘EFT Tapping’ Helps You Reset From Stress To Chill

EFT Tapping for Anxiety: 4 Great Steps

Between school, work, social media pressure, and adulting, stress and anxiety are at all-time highs in modern life. But what if you could calm your mind and emotions, just your fingertips? Take a look at EFT tapping, a healing technique that’s been making waves across TikTok and wellness circles.

This technique focuses on tapping the meridian points of the body to relieve negative experience or emotion. It’s easy, effective, and totally DIY. j

So let’s dive into what is EFT tapping really like, how it works, and why it’s become a go-to method for managing stress.

What Is EFT Tapping?

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), also called tapping, is a holistic pra

Up Next

3 Warning Signs You’re Drowning In Toxic Positivity

3 Sneaky Ways Toxic Positivity Shows Up in Your Everyday Life

Toxic positivity isn’t just annoying—it’s exhausting. When you’re constantly forcing a smile, ignoring real emotions, or brushing off pain with “good vibes only,” you’re deep in the signs of toxic positivity.

It’s time we start rejecting toxic positivity and make space for honesty over forced positivity.

KEY POINTS

When positivity is forced, it can dismiss valid emotions.

Feeling sad, angry, or frustrated is part of being human.

Instead of saying “Look on the bright side,” ask, “How can I support you right now?”

Up Next

How Does Childhood Trauma Affect The Brain And Create Emotional Wounds

How Does Childhood Trauma Affect The Brain?4 Emotional Scars

When people say “trauma changed me”, believe them. A traumatized person’s brain can’t function like an average one and when this trauma injury happens during childhood, it just messes up your brain wirings. So, how does childhood trauma affect the brain in the long term?

A Trauma is a deeply disturbing and unsettling experience that negatively affects our functioning. It overwhelms our nervous system and interferes with our ability to cope, leaving long-lasting psychological, emotional, and neurological imprints.

A trauma can be a one time incident like an accident or a loss of a loved one, BUT, it can also be a prolonged exposure to adverse experiences like abuse, neglect, abandonment, betrayal, or chronic stress.

Up Next

10 Signs Of Childhood Trauma: You Had An Unhappy Childhood And The Realization Is Setting In Now!

10 Signs Of Childhood Trauma: When Past Threatens Future

Our unhappy childhood catches up with us pretty fast. But sadly, we wake up to the signs of childhood trauma, much later. Is it too late to be happy? Read on to know the truth!

Childhood experiences build the foundation of an individual’s mental, emotional, and behavioral structure.

During our formative years, when our brain is still learning to process concepts like trust, care, dependency, love, etc., the information that gets fed into it becomes the basis on which our brain develops our personality; our personal programming, if you will.

This programming dictates everything; our belief system, tendencies, quirks, thought process, behavior, reactions, and most importantly, attachment styles – how we develop relationships with others, as adults.

Now,

Up Next

Maladaptive Perfectionism: When High Standards Turn Into Self-Sabotage

How Maladaptive Perfectionism Hijacks Your Happiness

Maladaptive perfectionism is like running on a treadmill that never stops—no matter how hard you try, it never feels good enough. While aiming high can be a great motivator, obsessing over perfection can drain your energy, spike your stress, and leave you feeling stuck.

So, how do you know if your perfectionist tendencies are helping or hurting you? Let’s break it down.

Cowritten by Eser Yilmaz & Tchiki Davis.

Perfectionism is a personality trait associated with striving to be flawless and often involves being critical of imperfections (Flett & Hewitt, 2002).

Although perfectionism can be a healthy motivator in moderation, excessive perfectionism may cause stress and diminish the chances of succes

Up Next

Good Sleep In Childhood May Mean Better Adult Mental Health

Good Sleep In Childhood May Mean Better Adult Mental Health

Did you get good sleep as a child? If so, it might be shaping your mental health today. Let’s learn how high quality sleep is the key to well-being.

Longer, higher quality, and more regular sleep leads to better mental health.

Key points

Regular, high quality sleep is important for children’s health and well-being.

Better sleep has been related to better outcomes including school performance and fewer behavior problems.

Longitudinal studies to determine lasting effects of childhood sleep are rare.

This study shows that bette

Up Next

7 Surprising Benefits Of Touching Grass (You’ll Want To Do It Daily!)

7 Cool Benefits Of Touching Grass: (You Should Try It!)

Ever heard someone say, “Go touch some grass”? It’s an internet slang often thrown around as an insult, telling people to log off and reconnect with reality. But behind the sarcasm, there’s actual wisdom in those words. So, let us explore the real benefits of touching grass.

We spend hours glued to screens, scrolling or doom scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in heated online debates. Spending too much time online can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and overwhelmed.

The constant flood of