Are Adult Temper Tantrums Dangerous? Recognizing and Addressing the Risks

Written By:

Written By:

How Dangerous Are Adult Temper Tantrums 1

Adult temper tantrums can be really unpredictable and you never know which direction they might take. This article is going to discuss the dangers of temper tantrums in adults, so that you know how to protect yourself.

KEY POINTS

  • Adult temper tantrums are not necessarily physical but can still hurt a partner.
  • Adult temper tantrums can easily slip into domestic abuse.
  • Adult temper tantrums are destructive for the person having them and those they are directed against.

Some children have temper tantrums in response to unmet needs or desires. Tantrums are especially common in young children who cannot verbalize their needs in words or control their emotions when they are frustrated or disappointed.

I am always impressed when either of my daughters-in-law says to one of my grandchildren, โ€œSlow down, use your words. Tell me what is bothering you.โ€

Words are essential to being able to calm and console yourself, which is a central part of being a resilient adult, yet many people are unable to do it. Instead, they act out their frustration, disappointment, and/or anger by having temper tantrums โ€” disruptive behaviors or emotional outbursts that involve physical acts or yelling.

Related: The Temper Tantrums Of Borderline Personality Disorder

Are Adult Temper Tantrums Dangerous?

Adult temper tantrums are not necessarily physical but can still hurt a partner. They might involve yelling nasty accusations, cursing, gesticulating violently, throwing things, or threatening to end the relationship.

Adult temper tantrums can easily slip into domestic abuse. While men are more likely to use guns, and physical or sexual violence, women are just as likely to perpetrate emotional or verbal assaults.

Since alcohol causes a serious erosion in self-control, it increases the chances that a temper tantrum will become abuse.

The World Health Organization estimates that 55 percent of perpetrators of domestic violence drank alcohol before the assault. Having a weapon in the house further increases the chances that a temper tantrum will turn into domestic abuse.

The Center for Gun Violence Solutions at Johns Hopkins University estimates that around 4.5 million women in the United States have been threatened with a gun, and over half of all intimate partner homicides are committed with a gun.

Additionally, guns are often used to threaten and terrorize partners even if they are not discharged. But an abused woman living in a home with a gun is six times more likely to be killed than other women. The combination of alcohol and guns is particularly lethal.1

adult temper tantrums

Types of Abuse

1. Physical abuse.

This includes hitting, shoving, slapping, punching, kicking, forcing someone to have alcohol or drugs, physically restraining an individual, and aggravated assault (assault with a weapon). This includes sexual abuse โ€“ including forced intercourse and other sexual acts that are coerced.

2. Emotional abuse.

This includes blaming the other individual for your problems (projection) or stonewalling them by refusing to speak to them for long periods of time.

3. Verbal abuse.

This includes public humiliation, putdowns, yelling, name-calling, cursing, and criticizing another personโ€™s beliefs, actions, and appearance.

4. Over-controlling.

This includes preventing someone from seeing friends or family or from going to a job, taking away access to family finances, or constantly asking where you are going and where you have been.

Related: 9 Warning Signs Of A Controlling Boyfriend

5. Stalking.

This includes repeated phone calls, tracking, using hidden cameras, showing up unannounced at work or school, monitoring phone calls or computer use, or going through another personโ€™s garbage.

Adult temper tantrums are destructive for the person having them as well as the people they are directed against.

The person having the tantrum is repeating a dysfunctional childhood reaction to frustration and/or disappointment, which is painful and probably ruins the relationship he has with the people he loves.

adult temper tantrums

The person on the other side of it is physically and/or emotionally traumatized by the tantrum. For the couple, the repetitive tantrums prevent the development of trust and understanding.

The constant fear of the partner having a tantrum creates distance, avoidance, and suspicion rather than love and intimacy.

Check out an excerpt from Roberta Satowโ€™s book, Our Time Is Up here:

โ€œThe weather in our house was stormy with the promise of thunder and lightning. I walked on the balls of my feet, as if to prepare for the thunderclaps that would slam me across the room. Before I started elementary school, I was alone with my mother when my father left for work at the Hunter Coal Company on Flatbush Avenue.

As usual on Wednesdays, she put on her shmata, a sleeveless cotton housedress that tied across the front. The pink and green flowers on the dress accentuated the scowl on her face. She hated cleaning. But it was her life sentence. She filled a brown plastic bucket with hot water and added Ivory soap flakes and Jane Parker ammonia.

Putting on her yellow plastic gloves to protect her nail polish, she dropped the wooden brush with stiff bristles into the bucket. Then she turned to me and said, โ€œGo out on the porch so I can wash the floor.โ€

She ushered me down the narrow hall with her gloved hand on the small of my back, and shut the door behind me. Once exiled, peering through the glass panes in the front door, I watched her on her hands and knees scrubbing the linoleum floor.

Her breasts peeked out of her shmata with each forward movement of the brush, and an occasional smile crossed her face as she listened to Rayburn and Finch on the radio.

Outside, the trees tossed in the wind and clouds scudded across the sky. The porch shook from the elevated train that stopped half a block from our house on its way to Coney Island. At the foot of the concrete steps, there were three large dogsโ€”a dirty German shepherd, a dark gray mutt with a wrinkled face and a black snout, and a long-haired white mongrel.

They lived in an empty lot on McDonald Avenue around the corner from our house, and roamed the streets looking for food early each morning. Saliva dripped from the German shepherdโ€™s mouth as he bared his teeth and snarled.

I ran back to the front door. โ€œMa, Ma the dogs are out here! Let me in! Please, Ma!โ€ I pleaded.

โ€œBe quiet,โ€ she yelled, red-faced with sweat dripping, โ€œand wait on the porch!โ€ I whimpered, โ€œMommy please, Iโ€™m scared of the dogs. . . . โ€

The white mongrel growled. I pulled one of the rusted metal chairs as far from the stoop and the dogs as I could get it and crouched behind it. I watched the dogs at the bottom of the stairs jumping up on each other and barking loudly.

They could run up the steps at any moment and I would be cornered. Then I imagined there was an invisible fence at the steps, but it only worked if I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the dogs. I stared at the dogs and chanted, โ€œA hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer. . . .โ€

When my mother finished, she poured the brown sudsy water in the kitchen sink, rinsed the bucket and brush, carefully turned the brush upside down to air dry, untied her shmata, andturned on the faucet for her bath. I heard the water running.

The dogs moved on down the block and the terror passed. I stood up and sat in the chair, breathing heavily and staring into space. She did not come out to get me when she was finished. She just took her bath and went to lie down on her bed.

I could see her pull down the quilted bedspread as I stood on my tiptoes peering through her bedroom window that faced the porch. It was safe to go back in the house. The floor must already be dry, but I had to be quiet. I was crossing a mine field and had to hold my breath, tiptoe slowly, and not jostle anything.

Opening and closing the door could cause an explosion. I smelled the light citrus of Jean Nate toilet water as I passed the steamy bathroom on the way to my room. I closed the door carefully behind me and exhaled.โ€

References:

1 Center for Gun Violence Solutions | Johns Hopkins | Bloomberg School of Public Health (jhu.edu)

Written By Roberta Satow
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
temper tantrums in adults

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

6 Signs of Crazy Making Behavior: Is Your Partner Messing with Your Mind?

Signs of Crazy Making Behavior: Are You Being Gaslighted?

If you have ever walked away from a conversation with your head spinning and feeling thoroughly confused, you might be dealing with crazy making behavior. Crazy making behavior is actually gaslighting’s sneaky cousin – something that makes you doubt your reality and second-guess yourself.

This is a type of emotional manipulation in relationships, which is often subtle and hard to pinpoint. However, over time, it takes a toll on your emotional and mental health, leaving your drained.

So, today we are going to talk about what is crazy making behavior, six signs manipulation in relationships, and how you can protect yourself from the emotional turmoil and chaos it creates.

Related:

Up Next

The 5 Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

The Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

Manipulation is sneaky, toxic, and all too common in how people treat each other. Letโ€™s dive into the 5 worst forms of manipulation that can mess with your mind and emotions.

KEY POINTS

The worst forms of manipulation are those that unravel our sense of self, leaving us doubting our worth.

Whether itโ€™s gaslighting, love bombing, or guilt-tripping, the goal is always the same: Control.

Once we recognize these tactics, we can reclaim our power and ignore the mind games.

Humans are hands-down the most social creatures on the planet. We can form a

Up Next

Is Your Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? 9 Ways to Help Her Break Free

Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? Things You Can Do

Have you ever had a very strong gut feeling that your daughter might not be in a healthy relationship? Or that she is in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? Today we are going to talk about what you can do, when you have a daughter in a controlling relationship.

Yeah, itโ€™s a tough pill to swallow. Bossy boyfriends sneakily isolate, manipulate and dim the light in the people they date. And if your daughter is dating someone like this, then it’s understandable how tough it can be to watch that.

However, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel – as her mother, you can help her break free from her controlling boyfriend. This isnโ€™t about swooping in like a superhero; itโ€™s about being smart, supportive, and steady.

First, let’s start with trying to understand who a controlling boyfriend

Up Next

8 Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Gaslighting is often misunderstood, and myths about gaslighting only adds to the confusion. Understanding this and trying to break down the most common misconceptions can help us uncover the truth about this manipulative behavior.

KEY POINTS

There’s a difference between casual phrases and patterns of manipulative behavior.

Gaslighting can have serious consequences and leave emotional and psychological pain.

Recognizing gaslighters can save you a lot of emotional pain and doubt.

Itโ€™s concerning how certain psychological terms can quickly become f

Up Next

6 Phases Of A Relationship With A Narcissist: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Relationship With A Narcissist Phases Of The Toxic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with each phase presenting new challenges and realizations. These phases of a narcissistic relationship leave you questioning your self-worth. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the ups and downs of a narcissistic relationship more effectively.

KEY POINTS

Narcissists may manipulate through observation and charm, creating a false sense of bonding.

These relationships have distinct phases, often involving a gradual, potentially traumatizing end.

Understanding these phases aids in healing and setting boundaries.

Up Next

10 Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

So, who exactly is a โ€œvindictive motherโ€? Well, itโ€™s not just a mom whoโ€™s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. Weโ€™re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.

A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isnโ€™t your regular parentโ€”she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.

Related:

Up Next

Feeling Exhausted? 8 Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Have you ever hung out with someone and have left feeling like you just ran a 5k marathon without moving an inch? If you’re nodding along, this is just one of the many signs of an emotionally draining person.

These energy vampires are really talented when it comes to mentally exhausting you, even though you didn’t do anything but have a simple conversation.

Have there been times where you have felt completely wiped after a chat or hangout? Then maybe itโ€™s time to figure out if youโ€™re dealing with an emotionally draining person.

Today, we are going to talk about what is an emotionally draining person, the traits of an emotionally draining person and how to deal with an emotionally draining person.

Let’s start with what is an emotionally draining