Dealing with a controlling boyfriend might be downright exasperating. But here, I will equip you with some of the tricks and tips to reclaim your self-respect.
Jen was quite sure about Sam. Even though they have currently started dating each other, it seemed like their’s was an eternal connection. Within days, they could not keep their hands off each other; the fierce fire of lust was burning their body and soul. Their chemistry started gradually building up. Jen had never felt this way in her entire lifetime. She was on cloud nine. Sam was the perfect one for her.
Guess what? He was even so protective and possessive about her. How sweet! He couldn’t even bear other guys setting their eyes on her! Isn’t that hot? OMG! Yes.
But for how long?
When does it start exceeding the limit?
When two people start dating, in the heat of attraction, they go blind to the flaws of each other and only focus on the positive aspects that might be beneficial for the relationship. What I am trying to say here is that even if your partner wants to kill you, it sounds sexy when you both are in the honeymoon phase of the relationship.
When it comes to a romantic relationship, there is a thin line between obsession, possession, infatuation and protection, care and love. On a closer look, you will be able to notice if your partner is crossing that thin line and jumping onto the wrong side.
Possessive behaviour, to a certain limit, is natural and is also desirable. But when he starts becoming controlling, he is actually emotionally abusing you. Because you will keep swinging between relishing the possessive behaviour and detesting it to the core. In all of these messes, you will slowly be drained out of your happiness.
If his behaviours are recently making you feel intimidated, anxious, cautious and manipulated, you must start exploring its root causes. Remember, a relationship that disturbs your mental health is better abandoned.
How to know if your boyfriend is controlling or not?
The interesting fact is, your boyfriend will start displaying these over-possessive and controlling behaviours in the initial phase of the relationship itself. Some controlling behaviours are very subtle, which will narrowly escape your attention and gain gradual shape in the form of persuasive suggestions. Just paying keen attention to his behaviour can help you determine if his jealousy is going an extra mile.
Go through these common behaviors that your controlling boyfriend might be displaying to ascertain if he is going to be a future manipulator:
1. Trying to snoop through your cell phone.
You are with him and your phone chimes. He goes: “Who is it, baby?” Sounds sweet?
He is after all interested to know who else might be competing for your attention! Initially, this might be flattering but when this gets to the point of him asking for your phone to swipe through your call and text logs, this won’t be cute anymore.
You might as well have no reason to hide anything from him so you comply. The warning sign: You are setting standards for how he should treat you later in the relationship – like trash!
So take immediate action.
What you can do about it:
The moment he asks to check your phone, tell him you deserve to have your personal space just like he has his.
Explain to him the importance of respecting each other’s intimate space which includes things which you can share only with yourself and which others, including him, do not have any rights to intrude upon. Make it clear that, you don’t snoop around his phone, he should not too!
It’s necessary for you to take the first step to define what you consider fine to share with him and what you find uncomfortable sharing with him (and that sharing your phone activities is one of them).