9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal


How Emotionally Abused In Relationships

Whether it’s a heterosexual or same-sex relationship – abuse against men is more common than you would expect. Many people don’t acknowledge violence against men, but it’s a reality. It’s crucial to know and acknowledge how men are emotionally abused in relationships.

Most men, like myself, are unaware that they are, or have been, abused. Many men have selective memories. They remember the good times, the sex, and the moments when their partner told them they were good at fixing doorknobs.

Men can be perfect whipping boys. Their greatest strength is endurance in the face of conflict and terror.

They learn, as children and adolescents, to push their bodies well beyond capacity in order to net a soccer ball, or, as men, drive hard into long hours at a desk even though their soul is screaming for reprieve. Tolerance runs sovereign over self-respect.

Related: Women’s Emotional Abuse Against Men

For most men to recall a time they were treated terribly, it may take more than throwing a shoe down memory lane. They just don’t think about being treated terribly, they think about how to fix something, or how to escape, but to recall and feel are the creeds of a foreign god.   

Men are most at risk for abuse when they have grown up thinking they have to please in order to be loved, have drug-addicted or alcoholic parents, or if they’ve been abandoned by a parent or guardian and think it’s their fault. They become people-pleasing puddles of mush, mashed at the stroke of a disapproving gaze.

This false core wound provides ground for any Narcissistic or Borderline individual to come creeping into their midst, keen on exploiting that wound for all its riches.

Narcissists and Borderline personalities, or the skilled victim as I call them, are those who have received the same type of wounding as the people-pleasers, perhaps more severe/abusive but have responded and developed in a different way. They can be men or women.

These types become the opposite of people-pleasing. They are never able to apologize, are uber critical of other people, and are masterful manipulators.

The skilled victim needs someone, a whipping boy, to trim their hedges and turn on the lights for them, and the whipping boy will comply because that is how he achieves shallow acceptance and his own version of false love.

Skilled victims are the most prone to abuse. These are some of the ways I, and other men I know, have experienced abuse.

9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal

The skilled victim will: 

1. Seduce him with all the sex he wants until he has committed; then remove sex, off and on, Infinitum, in order to keep him where they want him. The man will always apologize thinking he has done something wrong to have such boons retracted. This is abuse. Get out.

2. Develop impromptu “sicknesses” just before their man leaves to clear his head, spend time with friends, go on a solo adventure, or business trip. The expert victim will then shame him for leaving them in such a condition.

3. Will verbally abuse him, castrate him with their words and challenge his manhood and self-care. Skilled victims hate seeing people take care of themselves, because it is not something they have ever been able to do, and, quite possibly, were punished for trying to do so. A skilled victim is incapable of compromise, vulnerability, or authenticity. Either you do what they want, or they will do whatever they can to label you as an abuser.

4. Become an expert within the first few weeks around what the man will want to hear. They will build him up. He will be an emperor in his own skin. Once the skilled victim latches on, however, all of his strengths will, like a slow poisonous drip, be challenged and undermined, especially when they interfere with the victim’s need for self-soothing and attention.

5. Talk endlessly of wanting to be together for lifetimes, how they can’t wait for them to grow old together, and in the next instant, they snap fangs at you for packing a box wrong. The man will be split into idealizations and degradations. This is abuse. Leave the leaf of the praying mantis.

6. Empty a man’s bank account on the promise of love then blame him for a poor budget. When they are not getting their way, or if confronted, they will viciously attack a weak and tired man (who’s been working to provide) then berate his lack of energy.

Related: Eight Mental Abuse Tactics To Watch Out for

7. Start fights with the man’s family members, friends, or other males, and if he doesn’t take their side, he will be stonewalled and questioned for his commitment. Sometimes, they will provoke another man to the point of fighting, and demand that you defend their honor. This is abuse. Get out.

8. Initiate the cycle of abuse at night, keep him awake, or try to make him orgasm as much as possible so that he becomes weak and disoriented. If he likes to orgasm, they will pathologize his sex drive. Sleep and sex control are common tactics of abuse. The skilled victim’s main assault is on his ability to be present, think clearly, and pursuit of anything that does not involve the victim’s plans.

9. When a man finally stands up for himself and refuses to take any more punishment, the skilled victim may become desperate, attack the man, and then tell the world they’ve been abused. They may take the children and use this false “abuse” as an excuse to keep them away from him, and then move to the next target (often the children).

This list is by no means exhaustive.

Men abuse
psychological and emotional abuse against men

As an abused man I complained and pleaded. The more I pointed out their behavior, the worse it got. Finally, after having left the Ferris Wheel of victim and abuser, I have uncovered the following essential treasures:

The abuse is telling you that you need to step more fully into your path in life, your passions, and take responsibility for your gifts. The skilled victim will do anything to destroy them in order to feel loved.

Don’t give in.

A healthy partner will respect your boundaries, feel more secure in them, and will have a chance to heal inside your firmness. 

The skilled victim is actually an external representation of the damage you are causing yourself by apologizing for things you shouldn’t, making waves out of your Yes’s and No’s, and folding your dreams for their satisfaction. Wake up. The only thing you should apologize for is not being yourself. Find a way to be You.

Learn about secondary gains. They provide the reason you keep finding partners like this. You are gaining the benefit of not having to be your own hero – a massive responsibility. Take out the IV, get off the bed and stand up. If they keep cutting you down, leave them.

  • Men that lead from their hearts thwart all abuse. Believe beyond reproach that what is good for you is good for the planet. It’s sexy.
  • Skilled victims don’t know who they are. Their accusations and insults are actually how they feel about themselves and their self-appraisals are actually positive characteristics they have borrowed from you.

Related: 4 Bullshit Myths About Men

  • Leaving a relationship like this requires you to grieve. Learn how to cry, join a men’s group (I have an online one), and start doing what you know all along you need to do – for you.
  • Being abused is not a reason to stay in victimhood and complain. If you remain like this you will turn into a skilled victim. Please don’t.
  • If your children witnessed the abuse, your leaving and self-empowering will inspire them to rise above as well.
  • Expert victims should never be expected to change, but as the real victim, you should expect to change yourself.  Abuse, at some level, is a deep wake-up call to spirited action.

Want to know more about how men are emotionally abused and emotional abuse against men by female partners? Check this video out below!

How men are emotionally abused

Written by Jordan Kozey
Originally appeared on Jordan Kozey
Men abuse
9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal
examples of how men are emotionally abused in relationships and ways to deal pin
9 Examples of How Men Are Emotionally Abused In Relationships and Ways To Deal
How Emotionally Abused In Relationships pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

23 Dark Signs Of Religious Trauma and How to Heal

Dark Signs Of Religious Trauma Syndrome and How to Heal

Ever felt a tug at your soul or questioned your beliefs? Let’s explore the lesser-known signs of religious trauma and how to reclaim your peace from its impact.

If there’s any topic that has impacted my life so deeply – and yet I’ve been putting off writing for over ten years – it’s religious trauma.

The topic of religious trauma is such an inflammatory topic, and one that has harmed so many people, that I’m going to try and approach it as delicately as I can.

Religious trauma is pervasive and more widespread than I believe most people are aware of. After all, the foundation of most modern societies are based on religious ideals, whether you live in the east or west.

So to get this out of the way be

Up Next

The Narcissistic Stare: How A Narcissist Uses Stare To Control You and 5 Ways To Protect Yourself

Narcissistic Stare | Why Do Narcissists Stare? Coping Tips

The human gaze holds immense power, capable of expressing emotions, desires, and even hidden intentions. Among the many intriguing forms of eye contact, the narcissistic stare stands out as an enigmatic phenomenon that both fascinates and perplexes. 

But what is the narcissistic stare? Well, have you ever encountered someone whose gaze seemed to penetrate your very soul, leaving you feeling exposed and uncomfortable? 

Let us delve into this fascinating concept, exploring what is the narcissistic stare, why do narcissists stare and the different variations it takes on, including the malignant narcissist stare and the female narcissistic stare.

What is the Narcissistic Stare?

Up Next

8 Harmful Signs of Mental Illness in Women: A Comprehensive Guide For Identifying Red Flags

Harmful Signs of Mental Illness in Women And Treatment

Recognizing the signs of mental illness in women is crucial when addressing specific mental health issues that women face. It’s crucial to understand that the causes of these struggles affect not only women but everyone, and yet, our experiences can be uniquely different.

Mental illness, also known as mental health disorders, includes a variety of conditions that impact your mood, thoughts, and behavior. From depression and anxiety disorders to schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors.

However, researchers have identified that although all genders suffer from mental health issues, women in particular show completely different symptoms and impa

Up Next

5 Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship (And How To Escape Their Trap)

Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship: Toxic Cycle

From euphoria to despair, the toxic relationship cycle leaves lasting scars. Learn the stages of a narcissistic relationship to protect yourself from the emotional rollercoaster and avoid lasting trauma.

Narcissistic relationships often go through a painful cycle that is a predictable outgrowth of narcissistic personality disorder. Central to understanding a narcissist’s behavior is that their relationships are transactional.

Their impaired boundaries and lack of empathy prevent them from seeing other people as separate three-dimensional beings with needs and feelings of their own.

Up Next

Disenchanted Childhood: The Effects Of Self Centered Parenting on Children

The Harmful Effects Of Self Centered Parenting on Children

When you are on the opposite side of self centered parenting, it can have far-reaching effects on you and your psyche. Growing up with selfish parents can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional health, and these effects can be felt even when you are an adult.


Self absorbed parents create role-reversed relationships with their children in which the child psychologically caters to the parent.

Children show psychological responses to selfish parents depending upon the child’s personality.

Some children acquiesce to self-focused parents’ demands, while ot

Up Next

8 Signs Of Mommy Issues In A Woman and How It Haunts Her For Life

Signs Of Mommy Issues In A Woman: Maternal Scars

We often hear about “daddy issues” in pop culture, but less frequently discussed are “mommy issues”. Just like men, women can have unresolved emotional conflicts stemming from their relationship with their mothers. These signs of mommy issues in a woman, if left unaddressed, can manifest in various aspects of a woman’s life, affecting her relationships, self-worth, and overall mental well-being.

But what are the signs of a woman with mommy issues, and more importantly, what can you do when it comes to dealing with mommy issues? Let’s delve into the intricate world of mommy issues and find a way towards healing.

Up Next

People Who Only Take From You: 11 Signs Of Toxic Takers In Relationships

People Who Only Take: Signs Of Takers In Relationships

There are certain people who only take from others, and choose to be entitled and arrogant about it for their whole lives. Such toxic takers or self centred people demand and expect too much from others, whilst doing nothing in return. This article is going to talk in detail about the signs of people who only take and give nothing back.


People who demand too much from others have high self-esteem with anxiety and are inept at self-care.

Takers experience a higher mortality rate than those in give-and-take irelationships.

Expecting too much from others is lea