Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons


Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Have you ever heard of the term “flying monkeys” or “flying monkeys of the narcissist”? Who are they and what do they do exactly? This article is going to explore everything about who flying monkeys are and what role they play in narcissistic abuse.

‘Flying Monkey’ is the term given to those agents and allies that collude with an abusive person. Their role is to continue carrying out tormenting the victim on their behalf.

If it’s during the relationship, the abuser gets to abuse by proxy as it’s other people that are getting their hands dirty.

If it’s after the relationship has ended or you’ve left that job or left that area, it’s a way of perpetuating the abuse. Again though, the abusers hands are clean as others are doing the work for them.

The term ‘flying monkey’ comes from the 1939 Wizard of Oz movie. Like the creepy little critters in the movie who carry out the wicked witches bidding, these agents follow the abuser and carry out their will.

Related: What Are Flying Monkeys And How Narcissists Use Them To Torment Their Victims

Flying monkeys: So why does the narcissist need allies?

First of all, regardless of what happened, narcissists believe the victim deserves everything that has been done, or is being done to them. Narcissists don’t accept any responsibility for their actions, but neither do they want to accept the consequences.

They believe they are right, justified, entitled. It is always the victims fault, and in their world winning isn’t enough. They only win if they get to destroy the victim, their support network, self-esteem, reputation and anything else they can ruin.

Narcissists live in a make believe world, but they need others to believe in that world too. By recruiting followers, flying monkeys, they are creating a cult around themselves with them at the centre as the worshipful leader.

So they recruit others to do their work for them, people who collude with them, act as agents on their behalf. People who subscribe to their version of reality,

Also, because they control the information each agent gets, they get to control their reality, control them.

The more people they recruit to their cause, the more they believe themselves. They live in their own world of entitlement, self-righteousness and innocence.

Now the flying monkeys main role is to discredit the victim, or as I prefer to put it, descredit the witness. Those who saw them as they really are. The more agents they recruit, the more they get to triangulate the witness.

Then the more the victim feels mobbed, and a lack validation. The more people who side with or believe the abuser, the more disempowered the victim feels.

flying monkeys
Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Who do they recruit?

They recruit through contacting family members, friends, work colleagues. Sometimes even threaten the victim – ‘I’m going to tell them what you’re really like!’ – in other words, I’m going to tell them a version of you that is really not accurate at all but paints you in a bad light.

How do they recruit?

So the first tactic is subtlety. Sometimes they contact people, innocently – ‘I know you’re into tennis, golf, hiking, whatever, so am I, can we be friends?’, ‘Can show me how to…. etc’.

They comment or like peoples post on social media then send friend requests. It’s how they get a foot in the door. Then they begin a process of eroding the victims social or support network.

They may contact those close to the victim saying how worried they are about the victim. They heard that they’d started drinking, was in trouble at work, or had been prescribed anti-depressant medication (which reinforces how mentally unstable the victim must be).

Or they’ll paint a picture of the abuse they suffered at the hands of the victim. They are fearful of what they might do next. They had to get a non molestation order against your friend, your colleague, your family member just to feel safe.

Related: Narcissist Smear Campaigns and Flying Monkeys


Narcissists gaslight in order to recruit. They lie, or embellish truth. It furthers the smear campaign against the victim. When in the relationship the victim found themselves being isolated, and this a way of continuing that.

Remember, they are, or rather think they are accomplished actors, and who’s going to believe the victim when they’re struggling to articulate or make sense of what happened?

Flying monkeys, narcissism and gaslighting
Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Different types of agent

Then there’s the willing recruit. There’s no real performance here. Those who are willing are usually just as malignant as the abuser. They enjoy the gossip, the distress and the drama so the abuser plays on that energy.

‘Look at the kick we get out of this – did you see him flounder? What can we do next?’ The abuser plays on that excitement to recruit and keep it going.

Then there’s the naive. The naive have nothing but the abuser’s side of the story. They believe the lies that the victim is the one in the wrong. They are fed selective, embellished or complete misinformation about the victim.

The naive may be recruited to try to win the victim back – ‘have you not seen how pained they are after what you did?’, ‘I don’t believe their like that at all, I saw them playing with a kitten’, ‘They’re really worried about your mental health, your drinking, who you’re running around with.’

The abuser uses this naivety by being selective over the information given -Your reality is the one I give you. Remember, when you first met them, you were just as naïve and taken in by the performance.

Lastly there’s recruiting the unwilling. They’re not so much recruited, but drafted. They do what they do either out of fear, (better be on the wrong side than the wrong end of this). The abuser uses to control and manipulate. ‘Give me what I want or you’re next!’

Or they use the unwilling person’s guilt and shame – give me what I want, I’ll die if you don’t. They’re hurting me, if you don’t help you’re just as bad.

All three are used to stalk, torment and discredit the victim on the abusers behalf. That’s all they’re for. If found out or uncovered the narcissist just washes their hands and has nothing to do with it. ‘It wasn’t me, it was them’.

So that’s how and why narcissists recruit their agents. How they get them to collude and how they use them differently.

Related: The Egopath (Narcissist) And His Circle Of Slaves


Reality is, as much as they may believe themselves to special, unique and entitled, they are incredibly predicable.

Please check the three videos on Agents of the narcissist, the Flying Monkeys, the type of people they recruit and how to deal with them.

An outline of the roles flying monkeys play in perpetuating narcissistic abuse.

The flying monkeys

How and why narcissists recruit agents and the different roles they play.

Flying monkeys

Ways to deal with the narcissists agents.

Flying monkeys

Written By Darren Magee
Originally Appeared On Sentient Counselling
flying monkeys of the narcissist
Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

Are You The Scapegoat In A Narcissistic Family? 8 Scapegoat Roles

Scapegoat Of A Narcissistic Family? Types Of Scapegoats

Being the scapegoat of a narcissistic family is tough and confusing. You might feel like you are always the problem, no matter what you do. But did you know there are actually different types of family scapegoats? Yup, there are 8 distinct kinds, each with it’s own unique challenges.

But, who is a scapegoat really? When it comes a narcissistic family, there’s always that one person who is unfairly blamed and criticized for everything that goes wrong, even when it’s not their fault. They often bear the brunt of family abuse, feeling like they just can’t catch a break. That is who a scapegoat is.

Understanding the different types of narcissistic family scapegoats can help you make sense of your experiences and see that you are not alone. Whether you are the “truth-teller” who always speaks up or the “rebel” who refuses to conform, knowing your role and where

Up Next

10 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Grow Up Emotionally

Reasons Why Narcissists Never Grow Up Emotionally

Narcissists never grow up emotionally, and trying to deal with them can make you feel like you are dealing with a tantrum-throwing, difficult teenager. Have you ever wondered why some people just can’t seem to act their age, no matter how old they get? Yeah, you might be standing opposite a narcissist.

Narcissists are stuck in a cycle of immaturity that’s both fascinating and frustrating. Be it their constant need for attention or their severe lack of empathy, there’s a lot going on beneath the surface.

That’s why we are going to talk about one of the biggest reasons why they are the way they are. It’s because narcissists never grow emotionally. But why narcissists never grow up? What are the reasons behind their emotionally stunted psyche?

Let’s find out!

Up Next

How To Forgive Narcissistic Parents: 8 Ways To Heal And Move Forward

How To Forgive Narcissistic Parents: Tips To Find Healing

Dealing with narcissistic parents is tough, and trying to forgive them for the way they have treated you can feel impossible and unfair, especially if they are not sorry for their actions. So, how to forgive narcissistic parents?

Forgiving narcissistic parents is important for your own mental and emotional well-being. Always remember that you are not alone, and there are ways to find peace and healing, even when they don’t change.

Today, we are going to help you navigate the tricky waters of forgiveness, offering 8 practical steps to heal and move forward. Whether you are still struggling with past trauma or dealing with your parents now, be rest assured, these tips can help you feel empowered.

So, are you ready to start? Let’s go!

Up Next

11 Effects Of A Narcissistic Parent on Their Children: Parenting Poison

Effects Of A Narcissistic Parent: Parenting Poison

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave deep scars that shape who you become. The effects of a narcissistic parent can sneak into every part of your life, from how you see yourself to how you connect with others.

If you have ever felt like you’re constantly seeking approval, struggling to set boundaries, or dealing with a never-ending fear of abandonment, then you are not alone. These are just a few ways narcissistic parents damage their children.

Today, we are going to explore how it feels to be children of narcissistic parents and the damage they cause.


Up Next

Romantic Manipulation: 10 Subtle Phrases To Watch Out For

Romantic Manipulation: Sneaky Phrases That Signal Trouble

Romantic manipulation is sneaky, and it can creep into a relationships without either person fully realizing it. We have all heard those phrases that sound sweet or caring but leaves a bitter aftertaste, making us second-guess our feelings.

Manipulative partners often have a way with words, twisting them to control or belittle. So, are you curious to know the signs of romantic manipulation, and the things manipulative partners say?

Whether you’re navigating your own love life, or just looking out for your friends, this article will help you spot the subtle signs of emotional trickery. So, are you ready to dive in?


Up Next

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? Let’s Settle The Debate Once And For All

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? Important Things To Know

Are narcissists born or made? Delve into the age-old debate as we explore whether nature or nurture shapes this complex personality trait. Uncover the secrets behind pathological narcissism!

Narcissists can be hard to empathize with, but research on inherited narcissism shows they didn’t choose to be that way; they bear scars from childhood.

Traditionally, childrearing, particularly by the mother, was considered the cause of narcissism. In recent years, more research and twin studies have also looked at genetic factors.

Up Next

8 Major Reasons You’re Attracted to Narcissists and How to Break the Cycle

Attracted to Narcissists? Here Are Revealing Reasons Why

How many time have you found yourself irresistibly drawn to someone who seemed perfect at first but turned out to be a self-absorbed narcissist? Well, you’re not alone. There are a surprising number of us who keep getting pulled into the orbit of these charismatic, but toxic individuals. But why are we attracted to narcissists?

Whether it’s their initial charm, their confidence, or something deeper within you, the reasons you are attracted to narcissists are as fascinating, as they are frustrating.

Today, we are going to answer the age-old question “why do I attract narcissists?”, find out more about why this keeps on happening and also talk about how to stop attracting narcissists.