10 Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse

patterns of verbal abuse

Love is blind. In fact, it’s so blind that sometimes we can’t even see that we are in an abusive relationship. It can be hard for us to realize the fact that the person we love so much, can sometimes have some dangerous and awful qualities.

It seems unbelievable that the person we thought was so special and amazing could turn into someone so horrible in just a few minutes. But none of us are perfect. We all change and mature in different ways. Most of the time, a conflict can be sorted out with effective communication. But when you are in an abusive relationship, the best thing you can do is just leave. You should never be with a person who abuses you, whether physically or verbally.

Verbal Abuse Is Still Abuse

10 Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse

Abuse is not always physical or sexual in a relationship. When your partner constantly uses certain words to insult, demean, manipulate, dominate you, and even make you afraid of them, then they are verbally abusing you. In fact, there are different patterns of verbal abuse that can make it harder for the abused to identify it.

Abuse comes in many forms, not all of which are physical. When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, or control someone, it’s considered verbal abuse. It can happen in all types of relationships, whether it’s a romantic or parent-child relationship or even a professional one. Verbal abuse can severely affect your mental and emotional health and also lead to other health issues. Irrespective of what you think your fault may be, no one deserves to be abused.

Related: The Signs of Verbal Abuse

Is It Verbal Abuse Or Just An Argument?

Arguments happen in all relationships. That’s normal and healthy. We scream and shout, we fight and we may even say some mean things. But then we apologize and try to make things better. However, when you constantly feel down due to your partner’s words and it affects your self-esteem, then it is verbal abuse. That is not normal.

Here are a few red flags which can tell you that you are being verbally abused.

1. They humiliate and insult you repeatedly. They may later say it was all a joke and you are being too sensitive about it.

2. You are screamed and yelled at repeatedly by your partner.

3. You suddenly find yourself in an argument and get accused of starting it even though you didn’t.

4. The arguments lead to earlier unrelated issues or mistakes committed by you and make you defensive.

5. They act like the victim and put all the blame on you. You feel guilty every time.

6. They can be very socially charming but behave very aggressively with you in a private space.

7. They try to control your decisions and intrude on your personal space.

8. They act very aggressively and show tendencies of getting violent, but they never hit you. They act like they did not misbehave as they haven’t hurt you physically.

If you are unsure whether your partner abuses you verbally or if it is just a normal argument, then these 10 most common patterns of verbal abuse will help you find some clarification:

10 Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse

patterns of verbal abuse info
10 Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse

1. Name-Calling

Are you addressed with insulting names by your partner? If your partner or family member shouts aggressive phrases while talking to you, then you are certainly being abused verbally. This is not a healthy way of communication in any relationship. In an abusive relationship, your partner will hurl insulting names at you until you comply with their demands. They may even just joke about it by calling you humiliating pet names every day.


  • “Oh, you are just too dumb to understand anything.”“
  • This is the reason why everyone thinks you’re an idiot.”
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Theo Harrison

Hey there! I am just someone trying to find my way through life. I am a reader, writer, traveler, fighter, philosopher, artist and all around nice guy. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. I believe in positive action more than positive thinking.View Author posts