Is Your Partner A Sociopath Or A Narcissist?

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may wonder if your partner is a narcissist or sociopath and whether or not the relationship will improve.

If so, or if you recently ended such a relationship, it can undermine your self-esteem and ability to trust yourself and others.

The labels sociopath and psychopath have often been used interchangeably; however, sociopathy is correctly referred to “Anti-Social Personality Disorder.” (APD) Unlike mood disorders, which fluctuate, personality disorders, including APD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), are enduring, pervasive – affecting a wide range of situations, and are difficult to treat. Signs may be evident by adolescence, but a diagnosis isn’t made until adulthood.

 

Diagnosis of Anti-Social Personality Disorder

To qualify for a diagnosis of APD, the patient must have had a conduct disorder by 15 years old, and show at least four of these traits:

  • Doesn’t sustain consistent work (or school)
  • Doesn’t conform to social norms, including unlawful behavior whether or not arrested
  • Disregards the truth, indicated by repeated lying, conning, using aliases, not paying debts
  • Impulsive or fails to plan ahead; moves around without a goal
  • Irritable and aggressive; e.g., fights or assaults
  • Recklessly disregards safety of self or others
  • Consistently irresponsible, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
  • Lacks remorse, and feels justified in having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
  • Doesn’t sustain monogamy for more than one year
  • Irresponsible and negligent as a parent

 

Types of Narcissists – Malignant and Closet Narcissist

Some narcissists can look like sociopaths, but there are narcissists who aren’t malicious and who care about their families. Those who have all or most of the 9 criteria for a diagnosis of NPD (only five are necessary), and who exhibit them intensely and/or frequently, are considered malignant narcissists. They’re more exploitative, vicious, and destructive.

There are several types of narcissists – ranging from the common “Exhibitionist Narcissist” to the inhibited or “Closet Narcissist,” coined by psychoanalyst James Masterson. They may have an inferior self-image and show evidence of depression and emptiness, which the exhibitionist narcissist also has but hides, (also from him or herself). Rather than seek attention, the closet narcissist may shun it and even act humble. Like codependents, they are uplifted through the idealization of others. Contrary to some popular beliefs, this does not make codependents closet narcissists. The latter still lack real empathy and believe in their specialness and sense of entitlement, even in their martyrdom.

 

Comparing Sociopaths and Narcissists

Both sociopaths and malignant narcissists can be charming, intelligent, seductive, and successful. They share similar traits of being unreliable, self-centered, insincere, dishonest, and needing control.

Both malignant narcissists and people with APD have an inflated view of themselves and sense of entitlement. Even when they’re abusive, they believe they’re justified and deny responsibility for their behavior. They lack insight, empathy, and emotional responsiveness. Although they might feign appropriate emotional reactions, this is a learned behavior and not sincerely felt.

Narcissists who have fewer and less severe symptoms, along with “narcissistic” people who don’t have full-blown NPD, can have insight, guilt, remorse, and an ability to emotionally connect, as well as love. (See Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Limits with Difficult People to determine if your loved one is capable of change and whether your relationship can improve.)

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFThttps://www.whatiscodependency.com
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert author on relationships and codependency. She's counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. Her books and other online booksellers and her website
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