8 Ways To Get A Narcissist To Leave You Alone

ways to get a narcissist to leave you alone

A narcissist can use every type of manipulation to get you to stay; to avoid them, here are 8 effective ways you can get a narcissist to leave you alone!

We meet countless people in our lifetime. We end up establishing some sort of relation with people with whom we associate ourselves. But quite often, we come across narcissists who tend to make our lives more and more toxic with every passing day. But you’re not the only one. A lot of people run into such relations without any prior knowledge. But there’s nothing to worry of course. Follow these easy steps to know exactly how to get a narcissist to leave you alone.

So What Exactly Is Narcissism?

The word narcissism comes from the ancient Greek “Narcissus” (an individual who fell in love with his own image reflected in the water). It is defined as excessive admiration of one’s self and their attributes. In modern psychology, it is labeled as a mental ailment namely “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”, and it affects many people across the globe. The instability in emotions and body-language brought about this ailment ranges from being mild to consequentially harmful.

What Are The Symptoms Exhibited By A Narcissist?

  • They Feel Entitled

Narcissists always expect you to do as they desire or instruct. They feel that the world revolves around them and wants you to behave in a certain way. A way which would fulfill their ego or satisfy their false sense of authority. Often, it becomes frustrating to tackle such behavior.

 

  • Overly Opinionated

Narcissists tend to believe that the way they perceive the world is absolute. That all other perceptions are flawed and ignorant. They are so unwilling to compromise on their prejudice, that arguments seem like a war to them. They feel offended and often threatened when faced with criticisms.

 

  • Low Emotional IQ

Almost all narcissists have this particular trait in common. It stems from their lack of empathy and compassion. The absolute nature of their mentality has brought about a sense of doubt and hatred towards people around them. They pay no attention to your emotional state and don’t care how you feel. They expect you to handle your emotions all by yourself and maintain the desired level of control. They tend to react violently on petty things, but expects you to optimize the emotional tension in the relationship.

 

  • They Take You On A Guilt Trip

Narcissists blame you for everything that goes wrong. Even when it’s clearly their fault, they will point fingers at you, shoving all the burden on your shoulders. As a result, anyone in a relationship with them starts developing a sort of guilt complex. They begin to doubt their own sense of right and wrong. In the wrong run, it develops into a mental ailment altogether. Even then, the narcissist feel no regret for their act. The blame game continues, thus leaving you in an emotionally scarred state.

 

  • They Threaten You Quite Often

In case you try to win an argument with a narcissist, they simply threaten you to the point that you’re forced to coil back into your shell of submission and blind obedience. The adverse effects of this include perpetuation of the suffering and regret on your part for being stuck in a never-ending vicious cycle of toxicity. Narcissists have no regard for logic. Their baseless arguments are fueled by vanity and prejudice. They will threaten you by saying “If you say one more word, I’ll leave”, “Say a word and I’d beat the hell out of you”, etc, just to end the argument and claim victory for themselves.

 

  • Their Mood Swings Violate All Common Sense

Narcissists can be very enticing. They’ll lure you into believing that they have unconditional affection for you and that you mean the world to them. They’ll device all possible ways to hypnotize you into their trap. And then all of a sudden, you’ll find them acting cold. Out of nowhere, their attitude takes a complete 180 degree turn. You’ll be perplexed by such an unprecedented change. But unfortunately, you’re reaction won’t change anything. Even if you try to make things better, they’d stick to their temperament. Narcissists play by their rules, and expects you to accord with their fleeting whimsical nature.

Why Narcissists Act the Way They Do

why narcissist do as they do

Narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging.

They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them. That awareness protects you from their games, lies, and manipulation.

Narcissists have an impaired or undeveloped self. They think and function differently from other people. They behave as they do because of the way their brain is wired, whether due to nature or nurture.

Remember that the severity of narcissism varies. Some people have more symptoms with greater intensity, while other narcissists have fewer, milder symptoms. The following discussion thus may not apply to all narcissists to the same degree.

 

Narcissistic Vulnerability

Despite having seemingly strong personalities, narcissists are actually very vulnerable. Psychotherapists consider them to be “fragile.” They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning.

Due to their extreme vulnerability, they crave power and vigilantly must control their environment, people around them, and their feelings. Displays of vulnerable feelings, such as fear, shame, or sadness are intolerable signs of weakness both in themselves and others.

Their defense system, discussed below, protects them, but hurts other people. When they feel most insecure, they’re more malicious and the impact of their actions is irrelevant.

 

Narcissistic Shame

Underneath their façade is toxic shame, which may be unconscious. Shame makes narcissists feel insecure and inadequate―vulnerable feelings that they must deny to themselves and others.

This is one reason that they can’t take criticism, responsibility, dissent, or negative feedback even when meant to be constructive. Instead, they demand unconditional, positive regard from others.

 

Arrogance

To compensate for feeling inferior, they maintain an attitude of superiority. They’re often arrogant, critical, and disdainful of other people, including entire groups they consider inferior, such as immigrants, a racial minority, a lower economic class, or people of less education.

Like bullies, they put down others to raise themselves up.

 

Grandiosity

Their hidden shame accounts for their braggadocio and self-aggrandizement. They’re trying to convince themselves and others that they excel, that they’re uniquely special and the best, smartest, richest, most attractive, and most talented.

This is also why narcissists gravitate toward celebrities and high status people, schools, organizations, and other institutions.

Being with the best convinces them they’re better than others, while internally, they’re not so sure.

 

Entitlement

Narcissists feel entitled to get what they want from others regardless of their behavior. Their sense of entitlement masks their inner shame and insecurity. They convince themselves that they’re superior and it follows that they deserve special treatment.

For example, their time is more valuable than others, and they shouldn’t have to wait in line like the masses. There is no limit on what they might expect from others.

Interpersonal relationships are a one-way street, because other people are considered inferior and not separate from them (see below). They don’t recognize their behavior as hypocritical, because they feel superior and special. Rules for other people don’t apply to them.

 

Lack of Empathy

Narcissists’ ability to respond emotionally and express appropriate care and concern is significantly impaired. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, narcissists lack empathy. They’re “unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.” (APA, 2013)

Research shows that they have structural abnormalities in brain regions associated with emotional empathy. (See “How to Tell if a Narcissist Loves You.”) They may claim they love you, but you must determine whether you feel loved by the way they treat you.

Real love requires empathy, compassion, and deep knowledge of the one we care for. We show active concern for that person’s life and growth. We try to understand their experience and world view though it may differ from ours.

If you haven’t experienced such genuine love or it was mixed with abuse, then you may not appreciate real love nor expect to be treated any better.

Without empathy, narcissists can be selfish, hurtful, and cold when it doesn’t serve them to be charming or cooperative. To them relationships are transactional. Rather than respond to feelings, they’re interested in getting their needs met―sometimes, even if it means exploiting others, cheating, lying, or breaking the law. Although they may feel excitement and passion in the early stages of a relationship, this is not love, but lust. They’re known for their game-playing.

Sacrificing for a loved one isn’t in their playbook. Their lack of empathy also inures them to the pain that they cause others, while their cognitive, emotional intelligence gives them an edge in manipulating and exploiting others to get their needs met.

 

Emptiness

Narcissists lack a positive, emotional connection to themselves, making it difficult for them to emotionally connect with others. Their undeveloped self and deficient inner resources require them to be dependent on others for validation.

Rather than confidence, they actually fear that they’re undesirable. They can only admire themselves as reflected in the eyes of others. Hence, despite their boasting and self-flattery, they crave attention and constant admiration. Because their sense of self is determined by what others think of them, they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves.

They use relationships for self-enhancement and for their “narcissistic supply.” However, due to their inner emptiness, they’re never satisfied. Whatever you do for them is never enough to fill their emptiness. Like vampires who are dead inside, narcissists exploit and drain those around them.