The “False Self” Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!

Hidden Narcissist False Self: Make Believe Traits in Them

The narcissist false self is charming and confident, masking underlying insecurities and emptiness beneath. Let’s find out other secrets they hide!

Narcissists have a false self. They’re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen — whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring.

In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed their mind.

Their personality is designed to impress and compensate for their hidden shame, exposed when their grandiosity doesn’t match reality. Most of the time, they will alter their perception of reality to protect the false self. 

Related: The 3 Secret Behaviors Of Narcissists

Narcissist False Self
Narcissist False Self

What Is The Narcissist False Self?

An air of self-confidence and superiority inflates narcissists’ opinion of themselves, which shields them against unconscious feelings of inadequacy. It also shifts shame by projecting inferiority onto others.

They distort, rationalize, twist facts, and delude themselves to avoid anything that may cause a chink in their armor.

They star in their grandiose fantasies of perfection and greatness, where they’re the most attractive, talented, powerful, smartest, strongest, and wealthiest. All this is to convince themselves and others that they’re superior, not inferior.

They’re not independent at all, but very dependent on what other people think of them or at least that people DO think about them. If you like or admire them, it inflates their ego and they feel more powerful. They manipulate and try to control what others think in order to feel better about themselves, making narcissists codependent on recognition from others.

They’re hypervigilant and extremely sensitive to threats to their image and vigilantly attend to cues that could affect it in the eyes of others.

To this end, they’ve refined their display of charm and utilize impression management. They constantly scan their environment to ensure that they have the most attention and power.

They appear friendly and likable, but this ruse is to make you like them and doesn’t mean that they care about you. Beware of dating a narcissist. Some play games and may love bomb you.

They may even feign empathy and concern, but you can see through this in the way they treat and talk about others. In fact, research shows that all types of narcissists share the core trait of disagreeableness. Their needs come first and they will provoke arguments to have more power.

When charm fails to work, they use domination. Because they’re insecure and fearful, having power is their primary preoccupation. If you don’t like them, they’re satisfied that you envy or fear them. This strategy requires constant effort.

Thus they prefer hierarchical relationships, workplaces, and groups, like the military, politics, and corporate environment. They avoid egalitarian, intimate, or unfamiliar environments, where they feel insecure, become socially awkward, and often are inappropriate.

When they want to impress, they can act caring, but when it doesn’t suit their personal aims, their self-centered nature becomes evident. Other people’s needs or misfortunes are felt as burdens or inconveniences. Relationships are like business transactions. Their agenda is, “What’s in it for me?”

Although they may create the impression that they don’t need anyone or care about their relationships, in fact, they are extremely needy to receive their “narcissistic supply.” They make endless demands for attention, praise, and accommodations to ensure their comfort.

When denied, they feel wounded and often lash out in rage and narcissistic abuse. In intimate relationships, as their abuse escalates, partners and coworkers become passive and submissive to avoid coming under attack and to maintain the relationship. By assuming a submissive role, you establish an unhealthy dynamic in relationships with a narcissist.

Don’t fall for their charade. Talk to supportive friends and professionals. Trust your instincts and get more information on narcissism. On my website, find the Narcissist Quit Kit and Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships which provides strategies, steps, and scripts to improve your relationship or end it.

© 2024 Darlene Lancer

Related: Exploring The Roots Of Toxicity: What Causes Covert Narcissism?

Despite projecting an image of confidence, underneath lies the false self narcissism; a fragile ego constantly seeking validation from others.

And if you know anyone like that, let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

Originally appeared on:
Written by: Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT
types of narcissists

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

7 Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Red Flags Of A Future Faking Narcissist: Beyond The Façade

Have you interacted with someone who promises you the world, but when the time comes to do good on their promise, they leave you high and dry? Chances are you might be dealing with a future faking narcissist.

Future faking narcissists are charming and diabolical at the same time, and are experts at lying through their teeth. They will paint a picture-perfect image of themselves in front of you and will promise you a beautiful future. However, it’s all smokes and mirrors.

In this article, we are going to talk about the signs of future faking narcissists, so that it’s easier for you to understand when someone is genuinely interested in building a future with you and when someone is simply playing you.

Up Next

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Obsessive Ex? 4 Tips For Successfully Handling One

Deal With Your Partner's Obsessive Ex: Tips And Tricks

Have you ever had to deal with an obsessive ex? Moreover, have you ever had to deal with your partner’s obsessive and toxic ex? If you have, you already know how disturbing it is to go through this. This article is going to talk about some of the best ways to deal with a toxic ex or deal with your partner’s toxic ex.

My friend is happily married to a man who has a child. He is a devoted and loving father who sought full custody of the children; the court denied his petition.

His two children are living with their narcissistic mother who actively alienates the children from their father. His ex was obsessed with him during their short and turbulent relationship. She was deceitful, abusive, controlling, and highly destructive. They hooked up while drunk.

Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?

Up Next

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With Someone Who Thinks They Are Better Than You

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With It

Have you ever met someone who believes they are inherently better than others? Do they constantly exude an air of superiority, belittle others, or dismiss others’ accomplishments? This is a superiority complex in action. What is a superiority complex?

People who exhibit traits of condescension and arrogance are believed to have a superiority complex, a psychological phenomenon that drives such behavior. Let’s explore the superiority complex in psychology, its signs, causes, and most importantly, how to deal with someone with a superiority complex.

What is a Superiority Complex?

A superiority co

Up Next

What Is A Devouring Mother? Overcoming A Narcissistic Mother’s Toxic Grip

What Is A Devouring Mother? Ways To Overcome Toxicity

Do you feel overwhelmed, smothered, or suffocated by all the love and attention your mother gives you? Perhaps you know people who feel trapped in situations where their mother’s love becomes an all-encompassing affair? This phenomenon is referred to as “The Devouring Mother Archetype.” Let’s explore what is a devouring mother and how to deal with the devouring mother archetype.

What is a Devouring Mother?

The Freudian devouring mother describes a controlling, overbearing motherly figure hampering a child’s development and independence. It is marked by possessiveness and narcissism.

As the term is not a literal description, a devouring Mother does not mean a mother who consumes her children ph

Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal

Up Next

The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing: 7 Subtle Signs Of An Altruistic Narcissist

Signs Of An Altruistic Narcissist: Beneath the Kindness

Have you ever met someone who seems super helpful and sweet, but it just doesn’t seem genuine? Well, you might be looking at an altruistic narcissist, and this is one of the many signs of an altruistic narcissist.

You might be confused because when we think of narcissists, we usually think of them as selfish and uncaring. But there is another type of narcissist who does good deeds for a different reason – they want attention and praise and adulation.

So, without any further delay, let’s get down to knowing more about the altruistic narcissist and their signs. Let’s start with understanding what is an alt