How many time have you found yourself irresistibly drawn to someone who seemed perfect at first but turned out to be a self-absorbed narcissist? Well, you’re not alone. There are a surprising number of us who keep getting pulled into the orbit of these charismatic, but toxic individuals. But why are we attracted to narcissists?
Whether it’s their initial charm, their confidence, or something deeper within you, the reasons you are attracted to narcissists are as fascinating, as they are frustrating.
Today, we are going to answer the age-old question “why do I attract narcissists?”, find out more about why this keeps on happening and also talk about how to stop attracting narcissists.
Related: Why Daughters Of Narcissists Are Drawn To Narcissistic Men?
8 Revealing Reasons You’re Attracted to Narcissists
1. Your upbringing plays a huge role.
If you grew up in a home where love and approval were conditional, you may have learned to seek validation from others. Perhaps one or both of your parents were narcissistic, making their behavior seem normal or even comforting in their familiarity.
This can set a pattern where you subconsciously gravitate towards people who display the exact same emotional dynamics you experienced as a child.
Long story short, your past experiences can program you to seek relationships that mirror your early life, even if they’re unhealthy.
2. You suffer from low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can make you vulnerable to narcissistic abuse. When you don’t feel good about yourself, the intense attention and flattery from a narcissist can feel incredibly validating.
Narcissists are skilled at making you feel special and chosen, at least initially. This provides a temporary boost to your self-worth, making it hard for you to resist their charm.
However, as the relationship progresses, the narcissist’s need for control and superiority can make your insecurities worse, leaving you feeling even more horrible than before. This cycle tends to trap you in a pattern of seeking approval from someone who thrives on keeping you down.
3. You are very innocent and naïve.
Being naïve and inexperienced in relationships can make you an easy target for narcissists. You might not recognize the red flags early on, or understand the mind games they play to control and manipulate you.
Narcissists often start relationships with a phase of intense romance and idealization, which can be incredibly persuasive if you’re not familiar with the patterns.
Your trusting nature might lead you to give them the benefit of doubt, even when their behavior is clearly questionable. This innocence can be endearing, but it also makes it easier for a narcissist to play you.
4. You always put everyone else before yourself.
This is one of the biggest reasons why you are attracted to narcissists. Narcissists thrive on attention and validation, and if you’re naturally inclined to prioritize other’s needs before yours, then you are the perfect match for their demands.
Your selflessness makes it easier for them to take advantage of you, as you’re likely to excuse their behavior and keep giving without expecting much in return.
This dynamic can quickly become unbalanced, with you constantly trying to meet their needs while neglecting your own, leading to an emotionally draining and one-sided relationship.
Related: Why Do You Keep Attracting Narcissists and How to Avoid Getting Involved With Them
5. You are successful.
Interestingly, your own success can attract narcissists to you. This is because they are often drawn to people who are accomplished and well-regarded, as it allows them to bask in reflected glory.
Your achievements and status can be used by the narcissist to boost their own image and sense of self-worth. They might initially shower you with praise and admiration, making you feel appreciated and valued.
However, with time they may become jealous and attempt to undermine your confidence and achievements to keep you under their control. Your success becomes a double-edged sword in the relationship.
6. You have many insecurities.
If you have wondered “why do I attract narcissists?”, then this can be a big reason. Narcissists have a knack for identifying your weaknesses and insecurities, and exploiting them to their advantage.
At the beginning of the relationship, they may seem to understand and empathize with your insecurities, making you feel seen, heard and understood.
However, as time goes by, they might lose those very insecurities against you, manipulating you to keep you dependent on their approval. This can create a vicious cycle where your need for validation keeps you tied to someone who constantly undermines your self-confidence.
7. You have a painful dating history.
Your dating history can also be a huge reason why you are always attracted to narcissists. If you’ve been in previous relationships with narcissistic or emotionally unavailable partner, you might have developed a skewed perception of what a normal relationship looks like.
This sort of familiarity can make you more likely to enter similar relationships, even if they are unhealthy, toxic, or even abusive. Additionally past experiences might have left you with unresolved trauma or issues that make you more vulnerable to a narcissist’s charm and manipulation.
Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards breaking the cycle and seeking healthier, happier relationships.
Related: 8 Deep Questions To Ask Yourself If You Keep Attracting Toxic Partners
8. You are a very nice and empathetic person.
“Why do I attract narcissists?” – the answer behind this question might lie in your personality. Your ability to understand and share other people’s feelings makes you a prime target for someone who craves constant attention and validation.
Narcissists are known to exploit empaths, because they know you’re likely to go out of your way to meet their needs and make them feel special.
Your natural inclination to help and support others can be used against you, as the narcissist takes advantage of your generosity and kindness. This can leave you feeling drained and unappreciated, trapped in a vicious cycle of giving without receiving.
Okay, now that we have discussed the reasons why you are attracted to narcissists, let’s find out how to stop attracting narcissists.
How To Stop Attracting Narcissists?
- Set firm boundaries: Clearly define your personal boundaries and stick to them. This helps deter narcissists who enjoy overstepping their limits.
- Work on your self-esteem: Boost your self-esteem through positive affirmations, therapy, and self-care. People who are confident are less appealing targets for narcissists.
- Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic traits and behaviors. Knowledge can help you recognize red flags early on, and avoid getting involved.
- Practice self-reflection: How to stop attracting narcissists? Regularly assess your own needs and desires in a relationship. When you understand yourself better, it becomes easier to identify unhealthy patterns.
- Go for therapy: Therapy can help you understand why you are attracted to narcissists and work towards developing healthier relationship habits.
- Trust your intuition: If something feels off, trust your gut feeling. Narcissists often give subtle clues that something isn’t right.
- Surround yourself with loving and supportive people: Build a strong a network of friends and family who genuinely care about you, respect your boundaries, and are not scared of giving you honest advice.
- Avoid rushing into relationships: Take your time to get to know someone before becoming emotionally involved with them. You will notice that narcissists often push for quick intimacy.
- Focus on being emotionally independent: If you are wondering how to stop attracting narcissists, then do this first thing. Have your own interests and hobbies, because being emotionally independent will make you less like to depend on a narcissistic partner for validation.
- Learn to be more assertive: Practice being assertive and standing up for yourself in a respectful manner. This can help you maintain control in relationships and avoid being manipulated.
Bottomline
Now that you have finally got the answers to the question as to why you are always attracted to narcissists, you can do better for yourself and stay away from such toxic individuals.
Related: 5 Reasons Why You Are Attracted To Toxic People
Dealing with narcissists is not always that easy, however, understanding how they function and what you can do to stop being attracted to them can really help you experience healthier relationships.
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