Narcissists can never stand you being happy. Because if you are not feeling down in the dumps, unhappy and horrible about yourself, then how can they feel better about themselves? Narcissists can’t stand you being happy, because all they want is you to feel broken and alone.
Have you ever asked yourself why it seems that the narcissist in your life is totally incapable of seeing you happy?
Why supporting you is the very last thing they will do?
It’s as if your success or happiness enrages them to their core. Worse still if somebody else is giving you some acclaim or attention.
Don’t expect a narcissist to be your cheerleader and forget about trying to teach them to be decent, normal, and civilized and be happy for you, because you simply won’t get anywhere.
I’ve been there and learned my lesson.
Check this video out below to know more about why narcissists can’t stand you happy.
I’m so excited about helping you get clear about this topic today because we are going to be talking about the number one reason why the narcissist is never going to be your cheerleader and supporter; what it is that triggers a narcissist into a narcissistic rage when something goes great in your life; and how to realize that this behavior is not normal, acceptable or what even should be taking place in your life.
The Narcissist Will Not Cheer You On … Why Is This?
Now let’s get started. I want to talk about why the narcissist will not cheer you on. It’s really simple, the narcissist has got to be number one, it’s got to be about him or her.
A narcissist has a hugely insecure Inner Identity that can never be appeased. This is a system whereby a narcissist to themselves can’t sustain or hold their own feelings of wholeness or security or of being relevant or vital or whole in any way.
What this means is they’ve got to get attention and energy from outside of themselves consistently and constantly. If the attention is on you, because something great’s happened in your life or you’ve had an achievement or somebody else is giving you some acclaim or attention or recognizing you as a good person or something that you’ve achieved, this means the narcissist feels cut off from their narcissistic supply.
In a life of limitation, and feeling let down, and feeling insignificant, which is their normal, they don’t feel like they’re entitled to a life force because they have cut themselves off from it. What it means and it feels like to a narcissist is literal emotional annihilation if they’re not getting that feed and that constant supply. The narcissist’s insecure and fragile ego simply cannot deal with this.
The thing is that the narcissist’s false self, without getting the buffering and the total feed, is why they are going to slip into, (which brings me to the second point), they’re going to slip into the state that they go into when you’re getting the attention and the narcissist isn’t. It’s intense fear and panic, it’s triggering.
The narcissist, you may say, “Well, does the narcissist know that they’re doing this? Are they able to stop this, are they able to not behave like that?”
Related: The Ten Narcissistic Commandments
When The Narcissist Is Triggered Into A Narcissistic Rage
A narcissist is a highly unconscious being and they’re not even aware of why this is happening. People say narcissists do what they do and they know what they’re doing. Yes, there are things that can be planned and plotted but a narcissistic rage is something that comes on because they’re getting overwhelmed with adrenaline and cortisol and it’s triggering, it’s an intense triggering.
When they have these intense feelings of pain and rage there’s going to be a righteous judgment that’s going to be flung straight at you. This is the really childish, Inner Identity screaming out because it’s not getting the energy that you’re now getting, and then you have to be the enemy. You are apparently somebody who is egotistical, you’re full of hubris.
You’re parading, you’re showing off. You’re the person that doesn’t care about them. Whatever you’re doing that’s giving you energy and acclaim and happiness, then you’re leaving them out, you’re selfish, you’re a really horrible person to them.
Or maybe they’ll even say to you, “You are purposely trying to make me feel insignificant or unimportant,” or that you’re sucking up to people, you’re manipulating people. Maybe you even want to appear this great and amazing because you’re procuring affairs with people.
These will be all the sorts of accusations that you have. I remember in my life before I married narcissist number one, I was giving a public speech about some work that I was involved in. I held the stage, and people were very interested, and I had applause after it.
When we were driving home in the car he attacked me with such ferocity and terrible accusations. “Look at the Melanie show. Look at you thinking you’re so fantastic. If only these people knew who you really were.” I was in shock, I was stunned, but I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about because you’ve experienced this in your own life as well.
It’s horrific when you are being attacked and you’re told that you are disgraceful and disgusting for wanting your own life, your own happiness, your own acclaim, and your own progress.
Of course, this is intensely painful for you, it’s horrific. You are shocked when the full brunt of narcissistic rage is turned on you as a result of your achievements or your acclaim. I know, as I did, when you’re devastated you try to fight back and you try to teach a narcissist to be decent, normal, and civilized, and be happy for you, but it doesn’t work, you get nowhere.
This Behaviour Is Not Normal
This is what I need you to understand, which is my next point, this behavior is not normal. It’s not decent, it’s not even human, and it’s not acceptable in any shape or form.
If you’re having a relationship with somebody like this, you are with somebody who is not a grown-up and is not going to grow up. I’m just going to be really honest with you from my heart to yours. Quite frankly, for us, we need to grow up to know that we deserve better.
This is the thing, so many people who get with narcissists are really capable people. You’re often attractive, intelligent, funny, achieved, you’ve got so much to offer. Why should you be dimming your light to be with somebody just so they’re not going to feel threatened and insecure? Why should you dim down for that? It’s ridiculous.
Real people are happy for you to be happy, they want you to shine, they want to be the wind underneath your wings. This is not expecting … Somebody to be happy for you is not expecting somebody to fly to the moon for you. It’s normal. It’s normal for people to be proud of you and for you.
I can’t convince you of this if you stay rolling around with somebody who detests your achievements. This is why I am so passionate about granting people the tools to help heal and get out of this insanity and atrocity. It’s because I love all of you, I care about you, and I know that you need to let go of the battle with the narcissist that you’re never going to win and turn inwards to heal so that you can.
Then you will know that you deserve better. Then you will be a force that will never again accept that that behaviour is okay.
You Deserve Better
You will be full and healed enough to walk away from somebody who behaves like that until you have the inner power and truth to meet a normal person.
I promise you, normal people who are happy for you are so much more the norm and the consistency than what that rubbish is. That’s normal. That other stuff is not normal.
I really want you to get clear that this narcissistic person in your life who’s not happy for you and tries to strip your life force down when things are good for you, could be a family member. They could be a friend who treats you like this, they don’t have to be an intimate partner and it is still not okay.
When I say it’s not okay, doesn’t mean ripping back into them and trying to get them to get it. This isn’t about them getting it, this is about you getting it. “That’s not okay for me. Goodbye. I do not accept that behavior. I do not consent to that behavior in my life anymore which means you don’t get anything of me anymore.” That’s where you need to get to.
I hope that that’s helped. I’m really passionate about this because as an achieving woman who loves to shine this is something I struggled with, with narcissistic individuals my entire life. I dimmed down and I tried to keep them safe and feeling secure. You know what? Go to hell with that, seriously.
You are here to live your life out loud as you’re so free to be yourself. If other people can’t deal with it, too bad because once you get okay with it you will start attracting people who are totally okay with it. That’s the journey you’re meant to live.
Okay, so let’s get started on your journey to sort this out if this speaks to you so that you can get clear about it, as well as so many of the other things that happen with narcissistic abuse.
You can do this by connecting to my free quiz, which is going to give you powerful insight into exactly what you’re dealing with and what level of narcissism that this hurtful person is operating at as well as how to recover from it.
Come on this journey with me to claim your power and heal from the inside out. You can do that by clicking this link.
Written By Melanie Tonia Evans Originally Appeared In Melanie Tonia Evans
Narcissists can never stand you being happy, no matter what you do because the only way they can ever feel better about themselves is by seeing you broken and unhappy. The only way they can feel satisfied with who they are and how they are is by seeing you miserable, heartbroken, and morose.