One must be wondering if empaths are so good at understanding the feelings or emotions of their surroundings, then why are empaths attracted to narcissists?
All is fine in love and war unless it’s a toxic attraction leading to destruction. The toxic attraction between empaths and narcissists.
We know that “narcissist” has become a bit of a buzzword recently, and some folks are quick to apply it to an ex-lover or family member or friend. While awareness of this concept is healthy, so is remembering that it is, in a mental health context, a serious condition that shouldn’t be applied to someone you’re mad at because they stole your mirror. – Eds.
Often times empaths realize that they have that sensitive, highly intuitive aspect of their personality after they have survived a broken relationship with an energy vampire or a narcissist.
This article is written from the perspective of an empath, however, the narcissistic personality might have a different perspective on the relationship too.
Why Are Empaths Attracted To Narcissists?
Studies on the narcissist personality type reveal one truth: A narcissist is wounded.
This wound traces back to their childhood when they either might have been neglected care and concern by the primary caregivers, dejected by close people or have felt the pangs of rejection over persistent situations. Our past experiences have a significant influence on the development of our adult personality.
A child who has been ‘conditioned to be loved’ when they have achieved something and left devalued on occasions they failed to achieve something will help them form a personality that is based on fragile and fluctuating attention. This leads to a very vulnerable sense of identity and low self-esteem.
Read: The Empath, The Narcissist And The Brutal Reality Of Their Toxic Relationship
Praising children’s intelligence, far from boosting their self-esteem, encourages them to embrace self-defeating behaviours such as worrying about failure and avoiding risks. – Dr. Dweck
Often times, the energy-sucking, cruel monster we see in a narcissist is just a superficial cover to the extremely destroyed, insecure, shattered person inside that we fail to see.
An empath on the other side is sensitive, considerate, empathetic on the inside and is extremely transparent on the outside. An empath has an incredible power to fathom the exact depth of another individual’s emotions; they can literally absorb the physical, emotional and mental agony of another person and feel it as if it’s their own.
An empath rarely has a conscious sense of their personal boundary. This vague definition of their boundaries gets them to be highly attracted to the melancholic, heartbroken, enigmatic charm of the narcissists, rushing to fix and repair any damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain.
The empaths fail to see the truth in the eyes of the narcissist. Just as an empath is a giver, healer, the narcissist, on the other hand, is a taker. What can be a better mutual attraction point than this?
A narcissist is utterly empty on the inside, covered up by the mountainous grandiose self-image. The lack of validation and nurturance during childhood requires a substantial amount of compensation when they grow up.
To defend against their impoverished self-image, these individuals feign an attitude and demeanor to convince themselves that they deserve everything best in this universe.
This mindset compels them to get intimately involved with individuals they feel could be the “best source of their narcissistic supply” to their exaggerated need to be constantly validated.
This complex dynamic is beyond the understanding of the simple-minded empath who views the world and its inmates just as compassionate and giving as themselves, being oblivious of the narcissists’ deep-rooted agenda.
Read: 22 Stages of Relationship Between An Empath and A Narcissist
The narcissist’s agenda is one of manipulation, of acquiring power and control over other individuals. The empath’s agenda, in contrast, is to love and heal selflessly. This creates a suitable circumstance for the narcissist to take advantage of the empath’s submissive and sensitive nature to the fullest degree possible.
The more dominating the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath will retreat into a victim status. And soon enough, this domination and power play will be projected on the empath, while the empath imbibes in this poisonous projection into themselves. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun to swirl.
When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded they will play along and the main intention will be to keep the empath down. This cruel, inhuman treatment of power play will make the empaths feel more vulnerable and pathetic about their situation.
In such an instant, an empath will begin to frantically seek love, validation, confirmation, and acceptance from a narcissist and each cry for help as such will affirm to the narcissist what they are desperate to feel inside—worthy. A bitter battle is sure to ensue.
As an empath focuses solely on their pain, trauma and the destruction of their lives, they become preoccupied with themselves and fail to see the source of it all. Instead of looking for external causes and seeking the truth, the empath will turn everything inward and engage in constant self-blame.
Any attempt to communicate authentically with the narcissist will be futile as they will certainly not be looking to soothe and heal anyone else. As soon as the narcissist discovers the needs of the empath, which is care and nurturance, the narcissist will immediately start being indifferent and aloof to the needs of the empath. The narcissist has numerous techniques to wield their powers on others, especially one who can’t protect themselves.
An empath will know that they are in a destructive relationship by this stage and will feel so insecure, unloved and unworthy and it can be easy to blame all of their destruction onto the narcissist.
An empath can either choose to keep on being the victim of this emotional abuse or garner the courage to move out of it. But this is naturally a very difficult task for an empath who eternally seeks for attachment.
Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive and charismatic person they were attracted to.
Read: The Pain of Loving Someone Who Is Toxic for You
How we allow others to treat us is our choice. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they are choosing what they believe they deserve.
An empath cannot let their self-worth be determined by a narcissist. It is imperative they trust and believe in themselves enough to recognize that they deserve much better than what is being afflicted on them.
All an empath looks for is a caring and understanding partner and not a constant battle of ego, torment, and pain. This realization is the most crucial part in the process of getting out of the death trap of a narcissist’s victim status.
We are not here to fix anyone. We cannot fix anyone. Everyone is responsible for and capable of fixing themselves, but only if they so choose to.
The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist the sooner they will spot one and the less chance they have of developing a relationship with one.
If a relationship is already underway, it is never too late to seek help, seek understanding and knowledge and to dig deep into one’s soul and recognize our own strengths and capabilities, find out ways to respectably walk out of such an abusive relationship.
The modification of the personality of a narcissist is not possible as it is a deeply inbuilt trait. so we shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, then great, but it should not cost the life’s quality of another individual.
They are not consciously aware of their behavior and the damage it causes and in their game, they will sacrifice anyone and anything for their own gain—regardless of what pretty lies and sweet nothings they try to whisper.
An empath, being genuine and authentic with a pious purpose of healing will find the whole relationship to be a huge lesson, a dodged bullet leading to a painful awakening.
A narcissist will struggle to have any connection to their authentic self and will likely walk away from the relationship very easily once they realize they have lost their ability to control the empath. The game is no longer pleasurable if they are not having their ego constantly stroked, so they will seek out their next victim.
The ability of these two types to bond is quite simply impossible. The narcissist’s heart is closed, an empath is open—it is nothing short of a recipe for a huge disaster, a very destructive one.
Read: The 5 Love Languages In A Toxic Relationship
If you want to learn more about the toxic attraction between an empath and a narcissist, then watch the video mentioned below:
You just described my 25 year marriage! My husband, narcissist. I’m the empath. Strangely, I’ve had ppl my entire life tell me I’m too sensitive and I need to toughen up. Now I understand why I feel things so deeply.