All is fine in love and war unless it’s a toxic attraction leading to destruction. The toxic attraction between an empath and a narcissist.
We know that “narcissist” has become a bit of a buzzword recently, and some folks are quick to apply it to an ex-lover or family member or friend. While awareness of this concept is healthy, so is remembering that it is, in a mental health context, a serious condition that shouldn’t be applied to someone you’re mad at because they stole your mirror. – Eds.
Often times empaths realize that they have that sensitive, highly intuitive aspect of their personality after they have survived a broken relationship with an energy vampire or a narcissist.
This article is written from the perspective of an empath, however, the narcissistic personality might have a different perspective on the relationship too.
Studies on the narcissist personality type reveal one truth: A narcissist is wounded.
This wound traces back to their childhood when they either might have been neglected care and concern by the primary caregivers, dejected by close people or have felt the pangs of rejection over persistent situations. Our past experiences have a significant influence on the development of our adult personality.
A child who has been ‘conditioned to be loved’ when they have achieved something and left devalued on occasions they failed to achieve something will help them form a personality that is based on fragile and fluctuating attention. This leads to a very vulnerable sense of identity and low self-esteem.
Praising children’s intelligence, far from boosting their self-esteem, encourages them to embrace self-defeating behaviours such as worrying about failure and avoiding risks. – Dr. Dweck
Often times, the energy-sucking, cruel monster we see in a narcissist is just a superficial cover to the extremely destroyed, insecure, shattered person inside that we fail to see.
An empath on the other side is sensitive, considerate, empathetic on the inside and is extremely transparent on the outside. An empath has an incredible power to fathom the exact depth of another individual’s emotions; they can literally absorb the physical, emotional and mental agony of another person and feel it as if it’s their own.
An empath rarely has a conscious sense of their personal boundary. This vague definition of their boundaries gets them to be highly attracted to the melancholic, heartbroken, enigmatic charm of the narcissists, rushing to fix and repair any damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain.
The empaths fail to see the truth in the eyes of the narcissist. Just as an empath is a giver, healer, the narcissist, on the other hand, is a taker. What can be a better mutual attraction point than this?
A narcissist is utterly empty on the inside, covered up by the mountainous grandiose self-image. The lack of validation and nurturance during childhood requires a substantial amount of compensation when they grow up. To defend against their impoverished self-image, these individuals feign an attitude and demeanor to convince themselves that they deserve everything best in this universe. This mindset compels them to get intimately involved with individuals they feel could be the “best source of their narcissistic supply” to their exaggerated need to be constantly validated.
The narcissist’s agenda is one of manipulation, of acquiring power and control over other individuals. The empath’s agenda, in contrast, is to love and heal selflessly. This creates a suitable circumstance for the narcissist to take advantage of the empath’s submissive and sensitive nature to the fullest degree possible.
The more dominating the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath will retreat into a victim status. And soon enough, this domination and power play will be projected on the empath, while the empath imbibes in this poisonous projection into themselves. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun to swirl.