While each one of us has a unique way of experiencing and expressing love. There are five love languages according to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
• Giving gifts
• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Acts of service (devotion)
• Words of affirmation
Some people’s way of expressing love is by doing acts of service for their partner or helping around in chores. Some people like to express love by verbal affirmation. Some people express love by physical gestures while some people express love by spending quality time with their partner.
People generally think that their partner has the same love language as them and they show love the same way they would like to receive it.
However this dynamic can turn really messy in case of an Empaths – Narcissist relationship.
When an Empath meets a Narcissist for the first time, they can be misguided to take a Narcissist as an Empath. They can mistake the sweet nothings and sweet gestures that form a part of the Love Bombing technique of a Narcissist for genuine love and care.
Therefore, it is very important that Empaths learn the real love language of themselves and a narcissist so that they can avoid this toxic relationship dynamic.
The five love languages as present in Empath and Narcissist are as follows:
1) Words of affirmation
When Narcissists are using words of affirmation to express love, their intention behind that is a self serving motive where as empaths use words of affirmation to express their genuine love and care.
Narcissists use a technique known as “Love Bombing” wherein they shower their partner with unlimited praises and words of affection. They usually employ this technique in the beginning of a relationship to seduce their partner or when there is a fight or a breakdown to hook them back to the relationship.
While these words may look very real as Narcissists have mastered the art of saying all the right things but an empath has to be really careful to see if their words align with their actions or not.
Just because Empaths are honest in their communication and talk to their partner with kindness and respect, they should not make the mistake of thinking that everyone thinks, feels and acts like them.
A narcissist can be using seductive words to only benefit himself without having any real concern or love for the other person and he can turn abusive at the drop of a hat if his needs are not being met.
2) Quality time
Undivided attention and focus is something that we all want in a relationship to feel fulfilled.
However, a Narcissist is all about himself so he is incapable of giving undivided attention or quality time to anyone. His spotlight is always on himself.
He might on the other hand, try to alienate you from your friends and family members by spending majority of his time with you but do not mistake this tactic for love.
He is spending majority of his time with you to fulfill his own needs and agenda and wants to cut you off from your support system so that if things get sour, you have nowhere to go and you return back to him.
Whereas an Empath shows up authentically and is looking for a heart based connection and therefore gives undivided attention to their partner, but they will not find this deep connection with a Narcissist because he is really not capable of thinking about anything apart from himself.
So, while quality time is high on Empaths love language list, it does not feature in a Narcissists love language list.
3) Receiving gifts
Narcissists are superficial and their preferred language of love is giving and receiving expensive gifts.
They need external things to enhance their sense of self so they spend lavishly on flashy cars or gadgets.
They also buy expensive gifts for their partners when they are in the “Love Bombing” stage.
Empaths are not at all materialistic. They don’t really get carried away by flashy items, their preferred gifts would be well thought of, meaningful, handmade gifts or gifts of sentimental value.
Sooner or later, the Empaths would see through the Love Bombing phase of a Narcissist because they cannot feel fulfilled or loved with only gifts or hollow words of affirmation for long.