Living in a society that glorifies romantic love as the be all and end all of our lives can be very difficult. We’re all taught that we are somehow inferior if we don’t find a person who is ‘the one’. Sometimes we get into relationships just to avoid the pressure of having everyone wonder if there’s something wrong with us. This can really mess up the way we view and deal with relationships.
You might end up in an amazing relationship or you might end up in a terrible one. It is important to understand that there’s nothing to be gained by staying in a relationship that is only pulling you down.
Sometimes, relationships are just completely toxic for the two people who are in them. In the worst case scenario, they feel pressured to be together and they end up resenting each other till their last moments.
Partners who go well together are the ones who are able to cooperate with each other and work through their problems hand in hand. Some couples just can’t do this. They’ll start blaming each other for everything and neither one will be able to take a step back and assess whether they are actually contributing negatively to the situation. This doesn’t mean that you are ever to blame if your partner is abusive.
If you are stuck in a relationship that is making you unhappy, don’t think that everything is your partner’s fault and that you will eventually be able to fix them. You need to see the light and get out when you still have the chance.
This is how we fool ourselves into staying on with toxic partners:
1. I’ve Got This
There’s definitely something off that you can sense in the way your partner treats you. But since you’ve been together for a while, you know how to act around them. You think you’ve got them pinned down because you treat them cautiously and you know what to say and what not to say when you’re with them. A relationship isn’t a machine you can control and neither is a person. Even though you think you’re being responsible and handling your partner well, you’re also holding it all against your partner without telling them. By bottling up all this inside because you want to avoid your partner’s reaction, you’re not doing anyone a favor. Tell them what you’re actually thinking even if you know that it will make things difficult. A relationship in which you have to watch your every step will only make you feel worse in the long run. You need to be with a person who makes you feel comfortable about yourself.
2. I’m Dealing With This Really Well
Sometimes, you think you’re coping with a situation well but in all honesty, you’re only avoiding the actual problem. For example, you might have an internal, imaginary shouting match with your partner whenever they do something that upsets you. Once that happens, you feel satisfied for a time that you’re okay with the fact that you let things be. Stop kidding yourself! You’re not in a relationship to test how big of an emotional burden you can carry before you finally keel over in defeat. It’s not a trial with some big reward waiting on the other side. The more you hide your thoughts from your significant other because you think you’re upset or because you aren’t ready for a fight is only gearing you for more pain later on. You’ll only end up damaging your own psyche by staying on.
3. I Love Them
You cannot love someone you resent having to give that love to. Repeat this to yourself over and over again till you’re sure that you’ll never forget it. Don’t think that you’ll be crowned as a savior for giving up your own desires because you think that you can pick this person up and fix them. They might not even think that they’re in need of being put back together. You don’t love this person. You’re in love with the idea that your love can make another person whole again. Pride wants you to be the hero of this story you’ve written in your head. Healthy relationships are ones in which both partners are open with each other and who support each other through everything. There’s no competition as to who is more mentally stable than the other.