Holding on to a toxic relationship, instead of letting go, is, more often than not, the norm. The strength that it takes to walk away from any relationship, much less a toxic one, is huge and the fear of the pain that we might feel, even worse.
If you want to find the strength to stop holding on to a toxic relationship, it’s important to understand why we are doing the holding on – what is motivating us to not let go and walk away from something that is only making us miserable.
To help you understand, here are 5 reasons you might be holding on to a toxic relationship and ways to push back on the reasons so that you can move on.
Here Are 5 Reasons You Might Be Holding On To A Toxic Relationship
1. Fear of being alone.
It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one’s life and experiences with. That is the goal.
Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘good enough’ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that, if we let go of the bird in hand, we will NEVER find another person to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting.
So, we hold on to the one we have now. No matter how bad they are for us.
Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.
So, if you are staying in your toxic relationship because you believe that if you leave you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won’t! There is a person out there for you, a person who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.
2. Low self-esteem.
I can’t tell you how many of my clients who are in toxic relationships have very low self-esteem.
They just don’t believe that they are worthy of good love and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.
Unfortunately, the result of toxic relationships can be the lowering of self-esteem. We are unhappy, isolated from our friends, belittled for any perceived shortcomings, and know, deep down, that we aren’t being treated well.
And if we don’t feel good about ourselves we attract men who don’t feel good about us either.
For me, part of letting go of my toxic love was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.
3. Patterns and habits.
I can’t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.
Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can’t and how you just don’t feel yourself for the rest of the day.
Now imagine this in a relationship. When a relationship is new and good, we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our lives. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.
Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Those are the patterns that keep us with our toxic loves. We don’t want to let go of them, can’t conceive of life without them, and that keeps us trapped.