Narcissists, No Contact and the Spaghetti Technique

 April 25, 2017

Narcissists, No Contact and the Spaghetti Technique

Angela we’re not done. You said you’d always be there for me. Was that a lie? You said that you’d always love me – were you lying then too? I need you and I’m not giving up on us.

You’ve wanted to hear and feel that this man really loves you throughout your entire relationship and here it is. You’re thrilled that he wants you back and the fact that he’s not giving up must really mean he loves you – right? Wrong. The problem now is you’re starting to soften a bit and you justify responding again because you need to respond to these allegations. The nerve of him, after everything he’s done.

No I wasn’t lying, but how much do you expect me to put up with? You’re flirting with other women, you ignore me and treat me like shit. You’re never there for me when I need you and I always feel like I’m being used.

This is better than he had hoped, now he’s got you engaging in a full-fledged conversation. Albeit it’s via text message, but you’re still engaging with him. Now it’s just a matter of planting enough doubt and confusion into your mind about his behavior and then twisting it to somehow make it all your fault, so that you start to doubt your decision and what actually happened.

I wasn’t flirting with other women. That was Crystal. I’ve known her since I was 8, she’s like a sister to me and she was having trouble with her husband. Do you expect me to turn my back on a friend when they need my help? I’ve been really busy lately and going through some stuff. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, but my issue is almost over and then we can spend all the time together you want. We can go on a trip, anywhere you’d like. Let’s go out to dinner and talk about it.

If nostalgia doesn’t work, they’ll try guilt, if guilt doesn’t work they’ll try pity,  if pity doesn’t work they’ll try jealousy…and on and on it goes until they find some hook that gets your attention.

The thing to remember is that when we go no contact it’s for a very good reason. It’s because we realize that we are being abused and manipulated and we need to extricate ourselves from the insanity.

One always has to keep in mind that when a narcissist promises change, they will change, for a while, just long enough until they’ve determined they’ve sucked you back in. Then it’s back to the same ole, same ole. They aren’t interested in your feelings. They’re only interested in what they’re feeling. Everything that is being said to you while you’re attempting no contact is smoke and mirrors. None of it is sincere. This is a game and your Narcissist is only interested in winning. So don’t fall for it.

Their ability to feel empathy is impaired, they can’t fully comprehend how their behavior has made you feel. When there is no comprehension of cause and effect, there is no motive for real change. To them your no contact is just a hoop they have to temporarily jump through, just long enough for them to get you under control again. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that now things will be on your terms, because any change in their behavior would be short lived.

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