The Roles We Play In A Narcissist’s Life- Your role in the narcissistic cult can vary based on how your usefulness is perceived by them and how effectively you can meet their needs.
A narcissist is a weird and complex creature who needs excessive amounts of attention to survive.
They love to seduce, mislead, coerce and deceive anyone who is foolish enough to fall for their trickery. But you can’t be blamed if you have ever fallen for a person with narcissistic personality disorder and became a part of their love cult. After all, narcissists are master manipulators.
They have numerous manipulative tools at their disposal and these elegant and attractive vipers will easily suck you into their world to confuse, degrade, belittle and abuse just to boost their venomous ego.
A master of mind games
“Narcissists are angry, spiteful takers that don’t have empathy, remorse or conscience. They are incapable of unconditional love. Love to them is giving only when it serves them.” – Shannon L. Alder
The narcissist will purposefully give you a lot of attention and make you feel as if you’re on top of the world to fulfill their own needs. And you won’t be the only one they will be using to feed their toxic ego.
A narcissist will have a group of people who will serve and cater to them and their every need. And despite feeling like a victim, you will silently play your role in the narcissist’s cult and fulfill your purpose until it’s too late.
The narcissist needs a steady supply of love, attention, and admiration and this usually comes from their group and followers and enablers, usually known as the narcissist’s love cult or harem. To them, people are like objects, and collecting a large group of followers comforts them. You are either a narcissistic supply or nothing to a narcissist.
The narcissist’s harem
As a narcissist builds a collection of people whom he can use whenever he needs them, these people become a part of his harem. It mainly consists of ex-lovers, crushes, followers, admirers, potential lovers, enablers, and victims. It may also consist of friends, family, coworkers, other sociopaths, and anyone who a narcissist can use to their own benefit.
As long as you can make a person with a narcissistic personality disorder feel superior, feed their self-esteem, and offer them what they need, you will be a part of their cult. The moment you stop being useful, you will be immediately tossed out like broken furniture. Welcome to the narcissistic harem.
However, a narcissist will be very careful about who they choose as a member of their cult. They will mostly choose people who are overly giving and rationalize the narcissist’s bad behavior. Usually, the harem members are oblivious of each other as narcissists like to keep things secret. Moreover, it makes it easier for them to control the harem and its members.
He will not do anything that can hamper his narcissistic supply. Hence, he is always careful about throwing away people. Unless you’re completely useless to them, they will keep initiating friendship with you even though they have screwed you over a million times. This is how he offers membership to his cult.
But as a member you will not have any benefits or privileges as all the privileges are only for the narcissist to enjoy.
However, all members can be easily interchanged and replaced based on what you can do for your narcissist. You will find yourself constantly competing to gain attention from the narcissist and prove your value and worth in their harem.
“You get discarded as a supply for one of two reasons: They find you too outspoken about their abuse. They prefer someone that will keep stroking their ego and remain their silent doormat. Or, they found a new narcissistic supply. Either way, you can count on the fact that they planned your devaluation phase and the smear campaign in advance, so they could get one more ego stroke with your reaction.” – Shannon L. Alder
What role do you play?
Your role in the narcissistic love cult can and will vary based on how your usefulness is perceived by the narcissist and how effectively you can meet their needs.
Here are 5 common roles that most victims like you unintentionally play in the life of a narcissist and their narcissistic cult.
5 Roles we play in a narcissist’s life
1. The new entrant
Love bombing is the secret weapon of a narcissist. It is a technique used by harem owners to groom, brainwash and condition the members.
The love-bomb target will be showered with constant admiration, praise, and attention until the needs of the narcissist are met. It is a practice of flooding you with excessive attraction and adoration to manipulate you into getting addicted to the person with a narcissistic personality disorder.
Although it may sound great, it is only a means to control you. When you first enter the narcissist’s cult, this role is assigned to you by default.
The love-bombed victim quickly becomes the main focus of the narcissist as the spotlight shines on you bright. You are then considered as the best in the harem. During this time, no matter what you do, it will be considered cute, funny and adorable.
As you get all the attention from your cult leader, all other members will be ignored and avoided. As a result, other members of the narcissistic cult will become jealous and envious of you and may even try to sabotage your position in the harem.
However, just like every other member, your position will be devalued by the narcissist themselves once you have served your purpose. But your value in cult may rise later based on how useful you can be.
2. The right-hand person
Only someone who shares some of the sociopathic traits as the narcissist can become their right-hand person. If you manage to become a partner in crime to your narcissist, then your position in the harem will be reserved and fixed. However, it is not that easy as your values and beliefs need to be in accordance with your ringleader. And if you are a victim of the narcissistic cult leader, you will probably not fit this role as you will need to be ruthless, heartless, and exploitative.
As the right hand person is similar to the narcissist in a lot of ways, they cannot be easily replaced, at least as long as they keep being useful. As they usually become the long-standing MVP in the harem, they tend to become the best friend of the narcissist. They help the narcissist conspire, exploit and con new victims to boost the ego of their leader.
3. The emotional caretaker
“A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.” – Mateo Sol
If you are empathetic, emotional and compassionate and unable to realize the truth, then this role will be assigned to you. As a member of the narcissistic harem, you will experience a weird trauma bond with your leader just like the sufferer of Stockholm Syndrome.
The caretakers are mostly delusional as they are manipulated to believe that the narcissist actually cares about them. To them, the narcissist is a hero and a great person who needs a little love and admiration. Hence, the caretakers try their best to ‘fix’ the person with a narcissistic personality disorder without realizing it’s a futile attempt that is costing them their emotional and mental wellbeing.
The empathetic caretakers are very important to the narcissist as they help to feed his massive ego and are mostly gullible. The caretakers play a crucial role in the harem as they help to charm and trap new entrants in the harem. Moreover, they also help to create the illusion that the narcissist is a loving, caring and charitable people.
4. The devoted enabler
The ride-or-die enablers will support the narcissist and their manipulative ways just to be a part of their lives despite how this may harm or endanger them. These members defend and protect the narcissist regardless of their excessive need for attention, sense of entitlement, absence of accountability or whoever they may hurt. They can do the dirty deeds for the narcissist by shutting down those who ask for justifications from the narcissist and even punish those who deserve according to their leader.
The enablers also act as “flying monkeys” to harass, taunt and bully anyone who can pose a threat to their cult leader. These devoted enablers could be a romantic partner, friends, a sibling, a parent, a spouse, a victim or anyone.
5. The unfortunate scapegoat
And lastly, the scapegoat is worst role you can play in the cult. This unlucky person is the designated target for all the mental and emotional torture and punishment laid out by the narcissist and his cult members. As you serve as the emotional punching bag, you will be harassed, maltreated and picked on in various ways.
Techniques like triangulation, smear campaigns, bullying, gaslighting, projection, and name-calling will be used to break and abuse you. You will be neglected and insulted repeatedly before other members until you become an emotional wreck.
However, you can also get re-idealized and start receiving praise and attention once again as the focus shifts on someone else and you are perceived as useful based on the whims of the narcissist. Hence, any member of the cult can become a scapegoat at any time.
Such is the world of the narcissist’s harem.
You’re never enough for a narcissist
“The sooner you distance yourself the healthier you will become. Narcissism can’t be cured or prayed away. It is a mental disorder that turns the victims of its abuse into mental patients because it causes so much psychological manipulation.” – Shannon L. Alder
If you feel that you are trapped in a narcissistic harem, then start by realizing the reality. Take a good look at your narcissist and see them for who they truly are. They are emotionally immature people who get their kicks by manipulating and controlling people. To the narcissist, you are merely an object to use and play with and eventually to throw away when they are bored with you.
No matter what you do, you can never be good enough for them. Even though you dedicated yourself to making your narcissist happy, they will always have someone else from their harem to boost their ego.
Even though you are a truly amazing person, they will always want more. And that will come from someone else. This is the reason they have a narcissistic supply.
The only thing you can do to defeat the narcissistic leader is to stop playing their game and cancel your membership to their sickening cult immediately.
Walk away and never look back!