Only when living with a narcissist will you truly realize how toxic they can actually be. No amount of online research can prepare you for the havoc wreaked on your physical, emotional and mental well-being. They will crush your spirit and use you to their advantage whenever they can. Here are some inside scoops about narcissists that you may not find anywhere else.
A part of me feels resistance when it comes to writing this article. I don’t want to give this relationship any more energy than I already have. At the same time, sharing might allow one of you to recognize themselves in their own relationship and leave sooner rather than later.
I met M. when he showed up at one of my workshops on hypnosis. He arrived a couple of minutes late and right away I felt this strange attraction that I recognize only exists between soulmates. At the end of the event, once everyone left, he was still there. We talked about hypnosis and we talked about his passion, astrology. I happened to have printed my astrological chart the day prior and gave it to him. We discussed how amazing it was to meet someone who was a scientist and spiritual at the same time. He was single, a couple of years younger, cute, smart, well-traveled, tall and successful. He made me feel special, beautiful and seen. We talked until midnight and the next day he returned with a composite chart of our planets showing how aligned they were. It felt that way. We liked the same things. We were both from Europe. Both looking for a fun and respectful relationship. We had crazy chemistry. We started dating right away.
The first months were great. A lot of traveling. He loved traveling and had the means to take me along. Road trips and flights: Napa, Vegas, Monterey, Death Valley, New Orleans, etc.… It was magical. We would play videogames on the plane, watch movies, talk or do nothing. All was good when we were together, and I missed him terribly when we were not.
Unfortunately, our relationship was only a part-time one. He was recently separated and had a four-year-old to take care of forty percent of the time. He also was a high-level executive and sometimes had to work long hours. I could understand all of that. What I couldn’t understand is why he wouldn’t talk over the phone instead of texting, why he would ignore me when I shared how terrified I was by his reckless driving, why when it came to choosing a restaurant, he would reject my choice only to go with it later on. Most of all, I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so miserable in a relationship with a man I loved, doing the things I loved. I felt like a spoiled brat. Here he was, taking me to amazing places, treating me like a princess and I was complaining because he passed a car a little too close for comfort? After all, as he said, our planets were in perfect synch and we had this obvious immediate connection.
As the months went by, I fell more and more in love and I felt more and more exhausted. I was going from ecstatic to miserable. One day he was the man of my dreams, the next I knew I had to leave and leave quickly. He never was abusive, physically or emotionally. At least, not that I could clearly pinpoint. He was a busy man with a young daughter and he only could give me what he could. I tried to talk to him, but he was the king of avoidance. I felt more used than loved ones.
Nine months into the relationship, I finally decided to send him an email with a few points I wanted us to discuss… He played dead and I didn’t hear from him for the next six weeks. After I told him how much I missed him, he reappeared out of the blue and he tried to go back to things the way they were. The change was that I had taken the opportunity during those six weeks to reconnect with myself and become stronger.