Are you married to a narcissist? No matter what you do, they always find a way to hurt you and belittle you. Here’s all you need to know about Narcissism in marriage.
“When we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist, we are entering a significant life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-respect, and resilience. Through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our connection with narcissists teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become mature empaths.” ― Mateo Sol
Any relationship is challenging. We grow in relationships and things change with time; so do we. But a relationship with a narcissist is perhaps the toughest one to maintain, especially when it’s marriage.
The narcissist spouse is always self-absorbed in themselves, indifferent towards your needs, can ignore you as if you don’t exist at all and insensitive to your emotions.
They would even become abusive, both verbally and physically, and never apologize for that. Such a relationship will leave you getting hurt, lose your self-worth, and might turn destructive.
Negotiating with a narcissist individual is literally impossible because the narcissist would never want to be responsible for their behaviors and adjust with their spouse.
Long Term Effects Of Being Married To A Narcissist
Either you finally break away from the marriage which leaves you devastated, losing faith in yourself and on others too.
The other option you can think of is adjusting but you should remember that your narcissist spouse will never change and this is going to be difficult than you imagine. It will cost you your emotions.
So, you must learn the correct strategies which will guide you because unless you follow them, you will end up getting drained yourself. It will be more painful to live together than to break away.
Narcissism is a personality disorder. So, don’t expect your spouse to change for you even after seeing you suffering. While it’s true that narcissists are extremely difficult to handle, just don’t start hating them even if you have a million reasons to do so. What you should do is change your attitude towards them.
One must remember that a narcissist person is not a sadist no matter how similar they are in inflicting pain upon their loved ones. Both of them will hurt you but their reactions are different.
While hurting you, a narcissist person will not understand that you are in pain but a sadist person will definitely understand your pain and will seek pleasure from your suffering.
It’s easy to fall in love with a narcissist. They will make you the king or queen of their worlds. They will worship you and pour so much of love that you are bound to reciprocate.
After marriage, your narcissist spouse will reveal their true colors. All the flowers, chocolates, and sweet nothings of courtship are gone. It’s all insults, abuse, harsh criticisms, and ignorance for you.
This makes you feel you are losing your self-esteem, you are being used and you don’t value yourself. You try to give more to please your significant other but you find yourself drained. Now, it’s time for you to take the call. It’s either you stay or you quit.
Before taking any decision, you must understand whether the problem you are having with your spouse is because of narcissism or not.
7 Signs You’re Married To A Narcissism
Here are the ways to identify narcissism in your spouse:
1. They lack empathy. It’s not possible for them to understand others’ problems.
2. They are extremely egoistic and proud of themselves.
3. They will expect their loved ones to do everything for their benefit but they will not reciprocate in return.
4. They are always seeking admiration from others.
5. They are jealous of others who are flourishing well.
6. Lying comes natural to them.
7. They are violent, often verbally, and physically. They abuse their spouses and don’t even feel sorry for their actions.
If your spouse displays at least some of these characteristics, then it’s definitely narcissistic.
When you are married to a narcissist, an imbalance is created in your family life.
How To Be Married To A Narcissist?
Since you choose not to leave your significant other, here are the things you can do:
1. Fuel up their ego. Cajole with all the sugar-coated words to make them do things. Once their ego is well-fed, they will do what you want them to.
2. Always bring up the positive sides of your partner. Praise them for some good deed they have done. This will make them do these again.
3. Don’t ignore their complaints. Always listen no matter how repetitive they are. Just make them understand that you do understand their pain.
4. Always make them feel important. No matter how much you do something independently, just tell them how they are important to you and how their presence or pieces of advice have helped you.
5. Be romantic always. Bring a fun, adventure, and romance to the relationship and keep your narcissist partner engaged.
While doing all these, just be sure that you don’t lose your individual identity. So, here are a few things you need to do for yourself too:
1. Create a support system in your family and friend circle so that you can always fall back on them when you need someone to heart out your pain.
2. Don’t close all the doors no matter how difficult it seems to be. Always remain connected to the outside world.
3. Always maintain your self-esteem. One of the common harm a narcissist inflicts upon their partner is making them lose their self-worth. Don’t fall into the trap.
No matter what your spouse says or does, remember that you are loved too, that you are an individual and you need to be valued. Talk to your support system.
4. No matter what happens, don’t give yourself up completely to your narcissist spouse. Giving up to your better-half is not love. Maintain your boundaries so that your narcissist spouse will not get the chance to take advantage.
5. Always keep a track of the abuses. Just remember that no form of abuse is good. If the abuses are increasing day by day, you need to rethink.
Excessive possessiveness, isolating you from your family and friends, harsh criticism, extremely dominating nature, verbal and physical abuse is something which you must not tolerate at any length.
If you have a narcissist spouse, take care and hang in there. No matter what, just remember that you are loved and you deserve to be happy too.
If you want to know more about what you can do if you are married to a narcissist, then check this video out below: