What is it about narcissists that is so irresistibly attractive?
Like moths drawn to flames, us empaths seem to have a penchant for flying head-first into dangerous friendships and soul-sucking relationships that leave us feeling exhausted and unhinged. And yet, over and over again many of us fall into the same trap, often missing the vital life lessons being presented.
Almost every week Sol and I receive emails inquiring about the dynamic between empaths and narcissists. Having been burned by a number of different types of narcissists myself, I know just how easy it is to fall into the heavy gravitational pull of such people. Like black holes, narcissists eat away at your emotions, physical health and sanity, profoundly manipulating and messing up your perceptions and sensibilities.
Why is it that empaths and narcissists – two diametrically opposed types of people – feel an almost magnetic pull towards each other? There are many theories, but at the heart of it, I believe that it is Life’s way of restoring balance.
For example, let’s examine your typical empath. By nature empaths are deeply caring, compassionate people. The empath’s purpose in life is to facilitate healing in others, yet due to their intense sensitivity, empaths often struggle to create healthy boundaries for themselves, giving in to martyrdom, victimhood, co-dependency, and chronic self-sacrifice. Now, let’s examine your typical narcissist. Due to various traumas, core wounds and conditionings, narcissists hide behind an idealized self-image which is expressed as being highly charming and attractive, yet deeply uncaring, indifferent, self-centered and cruel. Put empaths and narcissists together? Both come in contact with their “inverted/reverse” selves, and both are forced to learn, grow and heal as a result of such an experience (although this doesn’t always happen immediately, but through trial and error).
4 Types of Narcissists All Empaths Should Look Out For
So many articles out there talk about “protecting” yourself from narcissists. Unfortunately this language promotes the disempowering notion that “other people are out to get you.” They’re not. People act within the limits of their conscious capacity, and sometimes that involves hurting others. The more you perceive yourself as a “victim” of narcissists/narcissism, the less capable you’ll be of truly owning your personal power as an empath.
A big part of owning this personal power of yours is learning how to identify different types of narcissists. The more conscious you are of them, the more consciously you’ll be able to behave and make decisions in their presence.
Main Types
Interestingly there are actually two main types of narcissists:
Vulnerable Narcissists (VN’s)
These people are generally very sensitive and tend to be quiet or shy by nature. Yet to disguise their chronic feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness, VN’s overcompensate by putting on a grandiose mask, seeking to merge their identities with other idealized people. VN’s have an unshakeable need to feel special about themselves and have little genuine regard for the feelings of others. VN’s are primarily motivated by fear of rejection and abandonment, thus don’t have the capacity to authentically love and care for others. Additionally, VN’s use emotional manipulation (such as shaming, guilt-tripping and gaslighting) to secure sympathy and attention from others. Their lives are fuelled by inferiority complexes which often stem from childhood mistreatment.
i dont understand..how a few people here are saying or implying that narcissists can change …..if they really did change, then perhaps they were never even narcissists to begin with..
i think these people dont understand what narcissists really are.. not every selfish and manipulative person is a narcissist
how can someone who doesnt even want to change… can change????
to bring about a change in yourself you need to ‘feel’ something…..guilt or dissatisfaction with yourself or something at least… only then you would want to change yourself….. but narcissists are incapable of feelings and emotions……..so how is it even possible for them to change???????
Im sorry, i meant a narcissist does not have the ability to self reflect.
I should have proof read.
I was raised by a narcissist , and believe me they don’t change. They will make you believe they did. But once they used and abused you, the mask comes out . It ‘s all about them, you are only important as long as you play a role in their scheme.With no remorse, total refusal to admit guilt or mistakes, I am sorry to admit , but the only real solution is to stay away from them or that poison will kill you.
I am now 64 years of age and can finally say that after spending almost 50 years fighting with, running away from and moving almost 200 miles away from my family member narcissist, I have realised that I need not have done any of the above. All I needed to do was simply cut her out of my life. At the time though all I could think of was killing myself. Killing her. And hiding from her toxic blatant lies ….manipulation of any real truth within her web and the damage I could see happening to children in her care.