There are so many manipulative things narcissists say when they are trying to gaslight you. Let’s find out all the common things narcissists say in an argument and the things narcissists say when gaslighting their victims.
**TRIGGER WARNING: These are statements made by actual narcissists that were shared with me by actual survivors of narcissistic abuse.
If you’ve ever been involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, the following statements may sound pretty familiar to you. I polled the members of my online support group (SPAN) and asked them to share things they heard their narcissists say again and again as they were being relentlessly manipulated and gaslighted during their relationships.
Want to know more about the things narcissists say when gaslighting? Check this video out below!
If you’re not sure you’re dealing with a narcissist, it might help you to take a look at this list and see whether anything sounds familiar.
If you recognize any of these 121 things narcissists say – you might be getting gaslighted by a toxic narcissist.
121 Things Narcissists Say When They’re Gaslighting You
1. You’re being irrational.
2. You should get tested for schizophrenia.
3. You’re always making shit up in your head.
4. You need help.
5. I don’t do things I think are wrong.
6. Why are you being so defensive?
7. You are so childish/immature.
8. You need to learn to communicate better.
9. I’m not arguing; I’m just discussing.
10. Hey, I’m not saying you need to be any different!! I’m not trying to change anybody!
11. It’s always something with you.
12. You’re crazy, you weirdo, freak.
14. If you wouldn’t piss me off I wouldn’t have to say mean things to you.
15. No wonder so and so has a problem with you.
16. If you tell them about me I will (blah blah) hurt you. (Either blackmail or made-up exaggerated lies to get back at you for exposing them.)
17. I used to think you were a good person. (Because you tell them off and get on their level.)
18. Why are you being a bitch, get over it, I’m late, I was supposed to be here at noon but it’s 2:40 pm. Do you want to go eat or not?
19. I don’t have time for your games.
20. Go ahead, tell them about me. I will make your life a living hell, bitch.
21. I’m much smarter than your dumb ass.
22. Just try, you will lose.
23. I’m going to kiss their butt; we will see who they want more to do with.
24. You would think you would have figured it out by now – you can’t beat me. But hey – knock yourself out, and make a fool of yourself.
25. If you’re on the phone with them, in front of an audience, you get: “Listen, you need to get help, I can’t play your games anymore. I really feel sorry for you, I’ve got to go. I’m not being pulled into another fight,”. (You’re on the other end saying “what are you talking about?”) About that time he clicks the phone off. Then, he later calls you, ”Try me bitch – have you figured out you won’t win?”
26. What do you mean I have no real friends? I have an attorney friend, one who owns (blah blah), I have tons of friends! You’re the depressed loser who stays home all the time with no friends! Ohhhh sorry, you have a volunteer pet rescue friend! Wowww, I’m impressed.
27. Ohhh, I forgot you’re holier than thou!
28. Poor you!
29. You like being a victim.
30. You wonder why I stay away from you.
31. Others think I’m a pretty nice guy. Too bad you don’t.
32. I’m going to stay away from you as long as you put me down.
33. No wonder I do drugs!
34. If I want to feel like shit I will come around you.
35. How’s it working for you?
36. Listen to yourself! You are losing it.
37. If they leave you and you say, “Good riddance! Now she can put up with you. Then things narcissists say, “Oh, she doesn’t mind breakfast in bed! We are going to Hawaii. You could have had the finer things, but you wanted to fight me all the time. When I’m a millionaire, we will see who is doing better then.
38. My ‘friends’ (on Facebook that I never met in person) tell me all the time how smart I am all the time.
39. I am not trying to control you. You are thinking about your ex-husband, and taking it out on me.
40. You’ve always “got a problem.”
41. I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.
42. No one can ever love you like I do.
43. It’s always your fault.
44. Why do you have to get all pissy and hurt over stuff?”
45. “You just look for something to gripe about all the time.”
46. “What do you get out of being all moody all the time? I hope that’s fun for you.”.
47. I’m the only one that really loves you.
48. “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CONTROL ME, YOU F…ING B****!”
49. I don’t give a crap about your kids.
50. “Everyone” agrees with me – you’re bad!
51. I never said that!
52. You’re crazy!
53. You’re lazy.
54. You’re too sensitive!
55. I know what you’re thinking.
56. You never listen.
57. I’ll pay you back. (Never does!)
58. You better wipe that look off your face or I’ll do it for ya!
59. You’re a piece of shit.
60. You try to make them aware of something, like that they are going to get in trouble either legally or personally. They say, “Don’t worry about it. Shut up, You’re such a goody-goody weirdo; you worry about everything. I’ve done this before.”
61. Stop telling people stuff about me.
62. After cheating on me repeatedly he wants to know why I said “some not nice things to him.”
63. Also tells me “You will never find another man as good as me.”
64. When he goes out someone “told me they had the best time ever because I was there.”
65. I’m from the Acadian bloodline, so naturally, I’m smarter than average people like you.
66. My job is more important! You just have projects, it’s just busywork.
67. I don’t answer your texts because you’re bothering me with your foolishness.
68. It’s my way or the highway!
69. Women are here to serve men!
70. If you’re so great at budgeting, why are we past due on everything and broke? (After he blows an entire paycheck at a casino)
71. “I know how _______.”
72. “I know why ________ .”
73. “I have the answer, you just have to listen to me.” (You can fill in the blank with ANY subject. He always knows the answer to everything…. People’s motives, parenting, why your cake just exploded. For any subject at all… he has ALL the answers. You just have to listen.)
74. “Back when I lived in Florida and I was rich beyond belief and knew all the movie stars (because I grew up with them), I never had to worry about being broke all the time.”
Related: 10 Signs Of Romantic Manipulation
75. Watch what I do next, bitch!
76. I used to race Porsches for the Indy 500 and owned two Burger Kings and a Pizarro’s.
77. No wonder your daughter can’t keep a boyfriend! She’s so needy and trailer park trash.
78. After one of his (often veiled) put-downs: “And that’s the truth!”
79. “I know at least 3 people in this town who think you are bi-polar”
80. He is incredibly grandiose and exaggerates his achievements, talks constantly to anyone about the people of high standing that he “knows,” needs to be seen as a genius, is challenged by other people’s achievements – behind their backs will call them “third rate.”
81. When I was a manager of over 50 people at a restaurant…” ( …Taco Bell – but you couldn’t say that – heaven forbid he was associated with fast food)!!!
82. “You just want to rehash the past.”
83. “You should have known that this was not a good time to (talk to me….call me on the phone….etc.).” (Followed by a “justifiable” narcissistic rage).
84. “You treat me like shit and you’re NOT on drugs.”
85. “Nobody likes you, they all laugh behind your back.”
86. After he breaks up with you over the phone: “You made me! You asked if you were all right.”
87. “It’s always something with you.”
88. You leave me and you will be blued, screwed, and tattooed!
89. You will NEVER have the confidence to leave me!
90. “You are delusional.”
91. You have no friends.
92. Nobody likes you.
93. You’re too old; no one will ever want you.
94. You’re too fat.
95. No one will ever love you as I do.
96. You’ll never find anyone as good as me.
97. You’ll never find anyone else to put up with you like I do.
98. You’ll never have a house as nice as this one. You’ll end up living in a broken-down car on the Northside.
99. What are you going to do without me? How will you ever feed yourself?
100. I never said that…you’re crazy.
101. You need a shrink.
102. I never did that…you’re crazy.
103. I can say or do anything I want to you because I own you.
104. “I was busy!”
105. Somebody has to earn a living!
106. “I work my ASS OFF, but nobody around here seems to care!”
107. No one is able to love someone like you, except me.
108. Why do you always have to criticize me?
109. Don’t nag me.
110. Why are you upset? I was ONLY kidding.
111. I want … I need….
112. I … me me me.
113. I was just kidding – gee, you can’t take a joke
114. Rage? What rage? Oh, so I’m not allowed to get angry?
115. Only I can treat you like shit!
116. “I never said anything to you because I just thought you knew how she felt about you. She was talking about you, complaining. I didn’t think you were friends.”
117. Narc: You have the most beautiful blue eyes.
You: Awww. Thank you.
Narc: I can’t do this anymore.
You: Are you breaking up with me again?
118. “If you ever cheat on me, I’ll kill them…AND you…”
119. You started it.
120. Get over it.
121. Grow up!
Narcissists can be more dangerous than you think. Be careful.
Can you recognize any of these things narcissists say when gaslighting? Let us know in the comments below.
Written by Angie Atkinson Originally appeared on Queen being