121 Things Narcissists Say When They’re Gaslighting You

**TRIGGER WARNING: These are statements made by actual narcissists that were shared with me by actual survivors of narcissistic abuse.

 

If you’ve ever been involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, the following statements may sound pretty familiar to you. I polled the members of my online support group (SPAN) and asked them to share things they heard their narcissists say again and again as they were being relentlessly manipulated and gaslighted during their relationships.

 

If you’re not sure you’re dealing with a narcissist, it might help you to take a look at this list and see whether anything sounds familiar.

 

If you recognize any of these 121 things – you might be getting gaslighted by a toxic narcissist.

1.  You’re being irrational.

2. You should get tested for schizophrenia.

3. You’re always making shit up in your head.

4. You need help.

5. I don’t do things I think are wrong.

6. Why are you being so defensive?

7. You are so childish/immature.

8. You need to learn to communicate better.

9. I’m not arguing; I’m just discussing.

 

10. Hey, I’m not saying you need to be any different!! I’m not trying to change anybody!

11. It’s always something with you.

12. You’re crazy, you weirdo, freak.

13. Whatever.

14. If you wouldn’t piss me off I wouldn’t have to say mean things to you.

15. No wonder so and so has a problem with you.

16. If you tell them about me I will ( blah blah ) and hurt you. (Either blackmail or made-up exaggerated lies to get back at you for exposing them.)

17. I used to think you were a good person. (Because you tell them off and get on their level.)

18. Why are you being a bitch, get over it, I’m late, I was supposed to be here at noon but it’s 2:40 pm. Do you want to go eat or not?

19. I don’t have time for your games.

20. Go ahead, tell them about me. I will make your life a living hell, bitch.

21. I’m much smarter than your dumb ass.

22. Just try, you will lose.

23. I’m going to kiss their butt; we will see who they want more to do with.

24. You would think you would have figured out by now – you can’t beat me. But hey – knock yourself out, and make a fool of yourself.

 

25. If you’re on the phone with them, in front of an audience, you get: “Listen, you need to get help, I can’t play your games anymore. I really feel sorry for you, I’ve got to go. I’m not being pulled into another fight,”. (You’re on the other end saying “what are you talking about?”) About that time he clicks phone off. Then, he later calls you, ” Try me bitch – have you figured out you won’t win?”

 

26. What do you mean I have no real friends? I have an attorney friend, one who owns (blah blah), I have tons of friends! You’re the depressed loser who stays home all the time with no friends! Ohhhh sorry, you have a volunteer pet rescue friend! Wowww, I’m impressed.

 

27. Ohhh, I forgot you’re holier than thou!

28. Poor you!

29. You like being a victim.

30. You wonder why I stay away from you.

31. Others think I’m a pretty nice guy. Too bad you don’t.

32. I’m going to stay away from you as long as you put me down.

33. No wonder I do drugs!

34. If I want to feel like shit I will come around you.

35. How’s it working for you?

36. Listen to yourself! You are losing it.

37. If they leave you and you say, “Good riddance! Now she can put up with you. He says, “Oh, she doesn’t mind breakfast in bed! We are going to Hawaii. You could have had the finer things, but you wanted to fight me all the time. When I’m a millionaire, we will see who is doing better then.

38. My ‘friends’ (on Facebook that I never met in person) tell me all the time how smart I am all the time.

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