Sociopaths and narcissists are probably two of the worst and most toxic people you can ever cross paths with. So what happens when you stumble upon a mix of both, say, a narcopath? Well, a relationship with a narcopath is nothing short of a disaster!
Narcopaths (narcissist-sociopath mix) are notorious for not just being toxic, but for being very dangerous too because they can go to any lengths to make sure their selfish needs are met.
Now when I say dangerous, I don’t mean they will try to murder with you a machete. Their way of abusing and tormenting you will be more understated and subtle, and most of the time, you might not even realize that you’re being abused. Narcopaths trick their victims in such a way, that the latter doesn’t even realize what’s happening, and when they finally do, their whole world comes crashing down on them.
It can be hard to recognize narcopaths sometimes, at least in the beginning. But there are a few signature traits in every narcopath out there, and knowing these traits can help you protect yourself from their toxic games and endless manipulation.
Related: Understanding Narcopathy
8 Signs You Are In A Relationship With A Narcopath
1. They will make insulting comparisons, in the guise of sweet compliments.
If you are in a relationship with a narcopath, you will have no dearth of compliments. But there’s always a catch, always. You will notice that even though they are complimenting and flattering you a lot, they are comparing you with others while they are at it. Sure, you make some amazing ravioli, but Susan’s ravioli is just like yours, but more magical. They love that you can spend your Friday night at home in your PJs and that you don’t feel the need to be as ‘fun’ as Charlotte who loves to party every weekend.
Get it? Narcopaths love everything about you, but they will subtly shame you too by comparing you with others, and how you can be more like them. At the end of the day, it’s not about you, it’s more about them and how they want you to be. That’s why they compliment you and put you down at the same time, so that you feel guilty and bad about yourself, and do what they ultimately manipulate you into doing.
2. They have a shady past, especially when it comes to relationships.
Whenever you talk to them about their exes, nothing will seem to add up, or their whole relationship history will seem very shady and weird. They will have odd stories about their past relationships and partners, and the more you probe them, the more things will seem complicated. But one thing is for sure – they will always be the victim, and it’s always the other person who has wronged them in some way or the other.
All their past relationships have failed because of their partners, and the narcopath had absolutely no fault at all. Their exes took advantage of them, hurt them, abused them, treated them badly from every aspect, and the kicker? All of a narcopath’s exes are crazy! It’s always someone else’s fault, but theirs.
3. They are experts at rushing things.
From the first date itself, you will feel like things are moving at a lightning-fast pace; they will start planning the second date while you are on your first one. When you are looking for a normal, healthy relationship, you would want to take it slow and get to know each other more before taking any major step, right? Well, that is not how a narcopath thinks.
Within days or weeks of knowing you, they will start talking about having a future together and if you show any kind of hesitance to this, they will make a huge scene and accuse you of playing around with them. It might just be a few months, but they start talking about moving in together, getting married, and even having kids! Even if it freaks you out to no end and your gut instinct screams at you to take a step back, you choose to ignore it, because you don’t want to break their heart (narcopath’s manipulation!).
4. They have emotionless and soulless eyes.
When you have feelings for someone, your eyes speak it all, don’t they? That love, adoration, and sparkle is something else. But this doesn’t ring true for a narcopath. No matter how much they tell you that they love you and want to spend the rest of their lives with you when you look into their eyes, there’s nothing, absolutely no emotion there.
It’s like you are looking into a dark, never-ending abyss with no light at all. When they stare into your eyes, you feel uncomfortable and even scared sometimes, because of the lack of emotion in them. Narcopaths have emotionless and soulless eyes because they don’t feel anything for anyone, and the only thing they understand is fulfilling their own needs, by hook or by crook.
5. They will always try to provoke negative reactions from you.
When you are in a toxic relationship with a narcopath, be rest assured that things are never going to be easy and peaceful. They will always try to do something that will provoke you, upset you, or break your heart. Whenever things are too ‘normal’, they try to stir up drama and work hard at getting a negative reaction from you. For example, you might be busy with work, and might not be able to pay attention to them 24/7, so they will create a scene and accuse you of not being serious enough about the relationship.
You can cry yourself hoarse and try to convince them that that’s not the case, but they will keep coming at you with all sorts of lies and accusations. And the moment you snap and lose your temper, they will pull the rug from under you and accuse you of being rude to them and for treating them badly. This is the game they always play with everyone they are in a relationship with.
6. They love giving the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is a narcopath’s best friend when they really want to ramp up the level of abuse towards someone. Whenever they feel that their needs are not getting met, and they are not the center of attention, their passive-aggressive side comes out with a flourish. They love being the center of attention everywhere they go, and the moment they don’t get what they want, they lose it.
It’s always you who has to understand what they need and expect from you. It’s always you who needs to make them happy. It’s always you who has to treat them like royalty. And if God forbid, you don’t, they will not just pick a fight with you, they will also give the silent treatment once the fight is over. You will be driven crazy by their radio silence and after a point, you will find yourself begging them to stop it.
The silent treatment will get so bad, that you will apologize to them, for something that was never even your fault. This is how narcopaths manipulate you into believing that they are the victim, and you the culprit.
7. They love talking about themselves.
Now, narcopaths may pretend that they like you and are interested in knowing what is going on with you, but whenever you start talking about yourself, they somehow make the conversation all about themselves. For instance, suppose you have had a bad day at work and you are venting about that to them, just after a few minutes they will start talking about how they are having a hard time at work too.
They will constantly interrupt you with their unwarranted opinions and comments, and quickly circle back to what they think and what’s happening in their lives. Moreover, they will initiate a conversation with you just to get the opportunity to talk about themselves. Narcopaths will make you feel like they always know more and better than you, and will constantly try to dominate the conversation, all the while pretending that they care about what you have to say.
8. They will bombard you with compliments.
Now, this may seem like a sweet thing, but not if it’s a narcopath. Narcopaths are infamous for bombarding their victims with compliments, and making them feel amazing about themselves, but the real truth is, it’s all a game. When you initially start dating a narcopath, they will go to any lengths to win your trust and make you fall for them, and that’s why they never leave any stone unturned when it comes to giving compliments.
It’s just another one of their tricks to make you trust them, and if you notice carefully, you will see that the compliments are all very generic and nothing too special. They don’t have the capacity to understand a person deeply, so how will they compliment someone like that? Going overboard with compliments is a huge red flag when it comes to looking out for narcopaths.
Related: Emotional Abuse and Sociopaths
If you find all or most of these signs in your partner, then you should end the relationship right now. Narcopaths never change and they are incapable of loving someone else, so there’s no point in trying to improve the situation. They will keep on manipulating you, and the moment they feel you can’t offer them anything more, they will drop you like garbage. So before that happens, pack your bags and leave for good.