Do narcissists always return to former victims?
Yes, we do. There are two essential ingredients that govern this.
1. Have you triggered the potential for us to hoover you? This means that you have entered one of our spheres of influence. You may have telephoned us, or we saw you across the street or you just happened to pop in our mind; and
2. Are the conditions right for executing the hoover? This means can we contact you easily enough? Will we get fuel from you? What are your defenses like? Are there any obstacles? What type of narcissist is considering hovering you? (We have different cognitive ability, differing levels of malice and energy)
I make repeated mention of how we always come back for more. This of course is the brilliance of the hoover. Some people struggle to comprehend that we will always keep returning for more fuel if the opportunity arises.
Why would we not?
We love fuel. We love your fuel (after all that was why you were chosen as the primary source) and even better we love the hoover fuel which you provide. The hoover serves many functions. First and foremost, it provides us with fuel. It is also a means of exerting control, seeing how the land lies for potential further machinations, a means of preventing you moving forward, a means of hindering your understanding, a method of reinforcing our superiority, dominance, and omnipotence. It serves these functions and many more. Hoovers take place throughout the dance with our kind, but most possible associate them with the aftermath, the period following escape or more likely discard.
Three reasons why narcissists always return to former victims:
When we look at the hoover in such a scenario when we come back for more, we do so for one of the following three reasons: –
1. To draw you back into the relationship again so that the whole narcissistic cycle can begin once more;
2. To hurt you. We don’t want the formal relationship again but we want to remind you of how worthless you are and thus we aim to hurt you through this form of hoover;
3. To draw some positive fuel (it may be a drop or it maybe lashings of it) but we do not want the formal relationship to start again or indeed ever, but we know you provide delicious hoover fuel so we will keep coming back for more.
We do not do enough to recommence the formal relationship but we certainly extract some fuel from you. It might be a text, it may be a telephone call or personal visit, but it is passing. It may only take a moment or an afternoon, but it is temporary and then having extracted the fuel we will withdraw again (only to appear at some later stage). The formal relationship does not begin again.
It is this third maneuver (which is a benign follow-up hoover) which often confuses people. You can understand hoovering to start the relationship again. You can understand lashing out at us and being nasty because hey, after all, we are Grade A Bastards, aren’t we? However, why make the effort to gain some fuel and then withdraw again? It may be because we have a reliable primary source in place but cannot resist a slurp of the hoover fuel. It may happen because circumstance makes it too good to resist and that opens the door for narcissists to return to their former victims.
There are several factors but one of the chief factors why narcissists return to former victims is the role which you are allocated post escape/discard. The application of the benign follow-up hoover which does not seek the restoration of the formal relationship relies on you conforming to a particular role and the fuel which flows from it. There are many different roles that can be assigned to you at this point, but here are ten of them.
10 roles that you mostly play when narcissists hoover you:
1. The Wish You Well
Whenever narcissists hoover you, you ask with your well-known decency how we are faring, you ask about our progress workwise, our health, and about all other matters. You do so with that goodness of heart and nature for which you as an empathic person is famed and whilst there is no torrent of raging emotion, your kindness and compassion still fuel us. You may well have largely moved on from us, but you are unable to sever all ties. You know not to go back but you cannot help but always want to hear that we are doing good and that you can accordingly wish us well.