When you want to shut down a narcissist, you need to act tactfully and must remain two steps ahead of the narcissist at all times. You need to have a proper strategy for dealing with their narcissist manipulation and must be proactive instead of being reactive.
When dealing with a narcissist, if you ever become emotionally invested then you will step right into their trap. They will suck you into the narcissistic black hole that will leave you feeling hurt, humiliated, confused, and doubting yourself.
In this post, I’m going to be talking about narcissist manipulation in relationships and in the workplace. I’ll also tell you how to shut down a narcissist and disentangle yourself from them. More importantly, how to stop attracting them in the first place.
When we talk about narcissists there are many traits they have in common.
1. They can be extremely charming and charismatic.
2. They’re very self-obsessed.
3. They are compulsive liars.
4. They don’t take responsibility for their actions.
5. They can be parasitic fearless and intimidating.
6. They are arch emotional manipulators and they lack empathy or any remorse or feelings of guilt.
7. They can be callous, impulsive, vindictive and aggressive.
8. When you look at the differences between them and others, we talk a lot about a narcissist’s lack of empathy.
9. They do have a form of empathy.
Cognitive Empathy & Emotional Empathy
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” – Karla Grimes
There are two types of empathy: Cognitive Empathy and Emotional Empathy.
When we’re born we don’t have any of the neurons connected with these in our brains. If you are what’s known as an Empath, by the age of around four years old you’ll have a whole bundle of them.
Empath Definition: what is it?
Empaths grow up to not only have Cognitive Empathy – which is the basic, instinctive emotions like lust, anger, fear, or sexual impulses. But they also have Emotional Empathy – which allows you to translate those base emotions to more appropriate feelings.
For example, base sexual impulses can become a deeper form of love, anger can be tempered. The rational, adult feelings and side of our brain can override those basic instincts. We often think that narcissists don’t have any empathy, but I want to clarify this further.
Narcissists have Cognitive Empathy. But they lack Emotional Empathy.
They may know they are different from other people. They can see that other people feel feelings, for example when they see a tragic event on TV.
If an Empath is watching, they will feel the victim’s or other person’s pain. A narcissist can see Empaths can relate to others’ feelings as their own.
The difference is they can’t. So they have to mimic it. They are brilliant at observing and reading people almost instantaneously. They are way better at it than us Empaths. If you’re sad they can’t feel what that feels like to feel your sadness. But they can observe you and then mirror it back to you. They act as though they feel those feelings but they don’t.
When you first meet a narcissist they are absolutely charming. They’re the best thing you’ve ever met in your life. They think as you do, act as you do, speak as you do. They like the same things that you do because they study you.
They observe you and they mirror you. They basically reflect you back to yourself. Who you are and your ideal, dream person they have deciphered you want them to be. Essentially they are reflecting your own fantasy back to you.
They put on a mask and that mask is a reflection, a mirror of you. Your desires, your needs. That’s why we are convinced we’ve found The One. Our perfect partner. You are swept off your feet.
“Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist while you react to life on his terms.” – Elizabeth Bowen