The Emotional Abuser’s Trap

The Emotional Abuser's Trap

Have you suffered from an emotional abuser’s trap?

A narcissist, sociopath or psychopath has a masterful ability to trick another individual into doing whatever they want them to do. Pertaining to the power welding capacity of their tricks, nobody can match their tactics. Most narcissists will attract people who have traits of co-dependency. This gives them the upper hand at persistently controlling and manipulating the other person, feeding on their insecurities and lack of integrity.

Narcissistic abuse doesn’t happen suddenly, it’s insidious, creeping in slowly, until one day you don’t recognize yourself. It is the epitome of domestic violence, a slowly dehumanizing and purposeful soul rape. – Veronica Christina

An emotional abuser’s trap is very dangerous.

A narcissist will go about this emotional abuse following a few steps.

Once you identify with the signs of emotional abuse, you must focus on trying to get out of the trap.

1. They will typically create the foundation for the ultimate abuse with the ‘idealization’ phase.

In this phase, they will at first shower you with flattery, compliments, attention, affection, love, care, and special treatment. This is just a process of creating an idealized image about themselves in your mind and gaining your trust. In your perspective, this very individual becomes the epitome of love, the ultimate perfect partner that you always dreamt of. This love bombing phase creates a high standard of expectations in our mind which they will manage down a little bit at a time.

2. You are gradually starting to form a positive image of this person.

In your mind this person is a flawless individual, possessing every attribute you always wanted in your ideal partner. You are feeling extremely ‘lucky’ to have this person in your life. In the meantime, they do not fail to achieve a front seat in displaying their flattery on social media. You are slowly but consistently getting emotionally attached and dependent on this person. This phase is to make sure that your trust, love, and respect is earned – something that you will find difficult to question later on in the future.

3. Now the ‘pull away’ phase starts.

This phase gradually sets it. In the beginning, it is so subtle that some people will miss it. Your intuition will hint at something not being quite right, but you fail to reason with yourself.

They don’t contact you so often, they start to seem uninterested, they start ignoring your calls but their excuses seem authentic. You start to feel like a responsibility to them, rather than a feeling. The connection, the overbearing sense of belonging and that intense passion starts to miss.

But you compromise your injured feelings, you give them another chance, you try to be forgiving to them. You do not want to end up being like their ‘psycho’ ex. You want to be patient with them, give them the space and freedom that they deserve. No matter what, you know that they carry genuine feelings for you.

4. You keep on believing that the relationship with this person has a chance.

You keep looking for ways to mend the worsening relationship. You start compromising, sacrificing your needs to cater to theirs. With time your notice, you are still lacking behind in being ‘enough for them’. At this point, you trust in time to heal everything as the narcissist continues showering you with ignorance and aloofness.

5. Slowly the changes start to bother you.

It is no more subtle. It is more direct, obnoxious and disrespectful. They start blaming you for trying to contact you, trying to voice your concerns. The criticisms and blaming goes one notch higher when you approach them about their ill-treatment. Name-calling starts with calling you ‘crazy’, ‘psycho’ and hyper-sensitive person.

They tell you that you are impossible to be with and that you are an emotionally unstable person. You desperately try to save the dying relationship by pleading, crying, begging and denying and distorting reality. You find yourself crying, pleading, and denying reality. This person has become your entire life. This person has become the center of your universe and you cannot afford to give up on this perfect relationship. But this is an emotional abuser’s trap.

45 thoughts on “The Emotional Abuser’s Trap”

  1. Absolutely spot on. They always have an excuse and have no care of the damage caused to others. They also see themselves as victims and seek validation from others while saying you are the cause of the problems despite everything you have done for them. When you are done, broken and left alone they have no use for you anymore.

  2. ooohh – so very very very true. The world is a very scary place. Also extraordinarily wonderful……I hope and pray all who make it out do so with their ability to love and to shine still intact and that all who are still stuck find the love support and strength to get out whole. Bless all of us who have been there and bless all of those who are there still and hope less and less of us get into a relationship like this in the future. Teach our children with love and hope and the ability to see clearly.

  3. The scarey bit is how slow and subtle it all is…as an ex AE nurse who would spend many hours trying to persuade women not to leave the dept. With the man who’s put her there…I was that patient two years ago…I lost my sight and paid a high price. I will always walk away from anyone in my life who behaves in this way from now on..huge lessons learnt. Love and light to all x

  4. OMG I’ve just read this and it’s totally explained my ex partner of ( ex as of 4 months ago)-woke up one day and thought enough…I left with the clothes on my back later that afternoon and have not seen him since

    1. Yeah trying … Its been 5 yrs to my marriage.. and i was confused of my husband s behavior until i find out tht am going through all this terror..

    2. Google narcissism DrJyoti, it will help you understand, and also realise it will never get any better.
      I have it in 3 females of my family, including my daughter, it’s the most hardest thing to deal with, like teenagers that never grow up! 🙁

    3. Yeah .. i had gone through tht.. the whole family of my in laws are the same.. and i cant handle or u can say tolerate it any more.. better to get away

  5. I am bewildered at how this is downplayed….”yeh just wait a while and you’ll be right…”… Do you know this is a cause for suicide usually (most often than not)…that the survivor hardly gets to tell their side! But alas, what a “great” article…”they’ll get over it…”…

  6. I am bewildered at how this is downplayed….”yeh just wait a while and you’ll be right…”… Do you know this is a cause for suicide usually (most often than not)…that the survivor hardly gets to tell their side! But alas, what a “great” article…”they’ll get over it…”…

  7. the concept of Triangulation is very interesting. I never had a word for manipulation tactics, as such, in the professional realm. I use to refer to it as bulling, or psychological terror/ war!

  8. Knowledge and Information is the best defense with the training of your minds. Avarice,selfishness,and other negative traits can make you vulnerable.

    Thank you.

    1. Hi Ilona. Unfortunately, we have something in common. This is also my ex to a T and I will go even further to say that he is the king of the abusers. It has been almost two years since my son and I left the house of horrors and along with that everything I and my family worked for. I am angry with myself for not knowing what was happening. I am having a very difficult time forgiving myself. I wish you a quick path to a better life; we all deserve it!

    2. Ugh so tragic!!! They are so insidious how they Prey on innocent women !!! I choose with my whole being not to be a victim!!! I have a daughter with my ex and he is very damaging to us. I allow him to be dysfuntial and ruin his life instead of hiding it now. I was very ashamed I had a child with him and I hid in shame and blamed myself for not getting away from him when I knew better !!

    3. 13 years ago I couldn’t find any help with narcissist spouses! Thank God it’s more public now and many others will know this predictor type and run fast from them!!! Unfortunately my mother is this profile so I really should have known better !! But it’s an amazing lesson in listening to my gut always !!!

  9. I’ve had personal relationships with a few. The damage, frustration, and painting caused by their lies was terrible. It took years from my life, and they continue their path. Be careful too much praise is not real.

  10. You can set free from them and become more free and beautiful and fun , positive and kind person. Don’t let them or any of these people keep u down . U will heal and u will fly higher than ever and freely , beautifully

  11. You can set free from them and become more free and beautiful and fun , positive and kind person. Don’t let them or any of these people keep u down . U will heal and u will fly higher than ever and freely , beautifully

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