Have you suffered from an emotional abuser’s trap?
A narcissist, sociopath or psychopath has a masterful ability to trick another individual into doing whatever they want them to do. Pertaining to the power welding capacity of their tricks, nobody can match their tactics. Most narcissists will attract people who have traits of co-dependency. This gives them the upper hand at persistently controlling and manipulating the other person, feeding on their insecurities and lack of integrity.
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t happen suddenly, it’s insidious, creeping in slowly, until one day you don’t recognize yourself. It is the epitome of domestic violence, a slowly dehumanizing and purposeful soul rape. – Veronica Christina
An emotional abuser’s trap is very dangerous.
A narcissist will go about this emotional abuse following a few steps.
Once you identify with the signs of emotional abuse, you must focus on trying to get out of the trap.
1. They will typically create the foundation for the ultimate abuse with the ‘idealization’ phase.
In this phase, they will at first shower you with flattery, compliments, attention, affection, love, care, and special treatment. This is just a process of creating an idealized image about themselves in your mind and gaining your trust. In your perspective, this very individual becomes the epitome of love, the ultimate perfect partner that you always dreamt of. This love bombing phase creates a high standard of expectations in our mind which they will manage down a little bit at a time.
2. You are gradually starting to form a positive image of this person.
In your mind this person is a flawless individual, possessing every attribute you always wanted in your ideal partner. You are feeling extremely ‘lucky’ to have this person in your life. In the meantime, they do not fail to achieve a front seat in displaying their flattery on social media. You are slowly but consistently getting emotionally attached and dependent on this person. This phase is to make sure that your trust, love, and respect is earned – something that you will find difficult to question later on in the future.
3. Now the ‘pull away’ phase starts.
This phase gradually sets it. In the beginning, it is so subtle that some people will miss it. Your intuition will hint at something not being quite right, but you fail to reason with yourself.
They don’t contact you so often, they start to seem uninterested, they start ignoring your calls but their excuses seem authentic. You start to feel like a responsibility to them, rather than a feeling. The connection, the overbearing sense of belonging and that intense passion starts to miss.
But you compromise your injured feelings, you give them another chance, you try to be forgiving to them. You do not want to end up being like their ‘psycho’ ex. You want to be patient with them, give them the space and freedom that they deserve. No matter what, you know that they carry genuine feelings for you.
4. You keep on believing that the relationship with this person has a chance.
You keep looking for ways to mend the worsening relationship. You start compromising, sacrificing your needs to cater to theirs. With time your notice, you are still lacking behind in being ‘enough for them’. At this point, you trust in time to heal everything as the narcissist continues showering you with ignorance and aloofness.
5. Slowly the changes start to bother you.
It is no more subtle. It is more direct, obnoxious and disrespectful. They start blaming you for trying to contact you, trying to voice your concerns. The criticisms and blaming goes one notch higher when you approach them about their ill-treatment. Name-calling starts with calling you ‘crazy’, ‘psycho’ and hyper-sensitive person.
They tell you that you are impossible to be with and that you are an emotionally unstable person. You desperately try to save the dying relationship by pleading, crying, begging and denying and distorting reality. You find yourself crying, pleading, and denying reality. This person has become your entire life. This person has become the center of your universe and you cannot afford to give up on this perfect relationship. But this is an emotional abuser’s trap.