It can often be difficult to realize that you are in an abusive relationship when there is no physical abuse or violence involved. That’s why it’s crucial that you learn to identify the signs of abuse in a relationship.
Love is not supposed to be painful. Relationships are not supposed to hurt you, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Sadly, most often even the most loving caring relationships become abusive and we don’t even recognize it. Although we may be aware of the signs of an abusive relationship, when we are experiencing it we often miss out even on the most obvious signs of abusive behavior.
Are you in an abusive relationship?
If you feel confused, manipulated, lost, and helpless in your relationship, then it’s time for you to stand up and take a closer look at your partner. You just might be in a relationship with an abusive narcissist. An abuser will always pretend to be the victim and make you feel like you are abusing them instead.
Psychological and emotional abuse can often be worse than physical abuse as it can lead to deep emotional wounds and trauma that can take you a lifetime to overcome.
Read also: 11 Signs It’s An Emotionally Abusive Relationship And You Might Not Even Realize
Emotional and psychological can often involve subtle attempts to isolate, control, and even frighten you. You can feel it in their persistent words, behaviors, and actions. Irrespective of how long you’ve been in a relationship with your abuser, no one has the right to abuse you.
You do not deserve it. And no, it’s not your fault. It never is. Psychiatrist and author Abigail Brenner, M.D. writes “Manipulative people either lack insight into how they engage others and create certain scenarios, or they truly believe that their way of handling a situation is the only way because it means that their needs are being met, and that’s all that matters.” She adds “Ultimately, all situations and relationships are about them, and what others think, feel, and want really doesn’t matter.”
Identifying signs of an abusive relationship
An abuser can often use a number of strategies like love-bombing and loving words and actions to manipulate their victims and convince them to stay in the relationship longer than they should.As the victim becomes more attached and clingy to their partner, the abuser becomes even more abusive. And perhaps this is why you need to identify abuse and understand what you are doing wrong to protect your mental and emotional health.
Read also: How Abusive Relationships Trap us Into Not Leaving
Here are few of the signs of abuse in a relationship that you need to be aware of:
1. Trying to change your partner
When you go into the relationship with the intention and objective to change your partner, then it can quickly turn abusive. This allows your partner to stick to their abusive behavior and not put any effort into healing the relationship. Why? Because you are already putting the effort to maintain the relationship. And as a result, you give him innumerable chances by forgiving his mistakes every single time. If you keep ignoring the signs of an abusive relationship, then your partner will keep being their abusive self.
2. You are being your partner’s puppet
Do you have any freedom in this relationship? Do you feel your partner is not giving you enough space to nurture your individuality? Is your partner making all the decisions for you? If your partner is always controlling and dominating you, then it’s abuse. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you sacrifice your individuality, freedom, and self-esteem to become dependent on your partner.
Read also: Changing Codependent Dynamics in Abusive Relationships
3. Don’t confuse possessiveness with insecurity
All of us are more or less possessive in relationships. It comes naturally with love and attachment. But when you start doubting the relationship based on their actions and behavior, then you need to think about it. Just like possessiveness, trust and respect are also inherent parts of love and relationships. There is no space for insecurities and fear in a relationship where partners understand and care for each other.
4. Stop blaming yourself
“Controllers, abusers, and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else,” says Darlene Ouimet, a certified professional coach, emotional healing expert and author. So make sure that you don’t allow your partner to convince you that it’s all your fault. If you are always blaming yourself for everything that is wrong, then it’s an abusive relationship. Let your intuition or gut feeling guide you instead of relying on your partner’s manipulative words.
Read also: 10 Things That Happen Only In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Find your own truth
Instead of letting your partner force you to stay in the relationship, figure out how the relationship makes you feel. All romantic relationships go through ups and downs. Just because you are going through a rough patch does not mean you are in an abusive relationship. However, if abuse and conflict become a pattern and forms the core of the relationship, then you need to take notice. This is why it’s crucial that you find your own truth.
Abigail Brenner M.D. explains “Characterize people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words. Always remember that what a person says and does are two very separate things. Observe someone closely, without making excuses for them – usually what you see is what you get.”
Read also: Recovery From Abusive Relationships. How Long Does It Take?
Leave a Reply