How Abusers Trap You Into Staying In Abusive Relationships With Them

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staying in abusive relationships

Abusive relationships stink worse than stale bread and hurt more than a continuously stabbing knife. Abusive relationships can change your life, and that too for the worse. It doesn’t just cause you pain, it also somehow convinces you that nobody except your abuser will love you, and you will never be in another relationship apart from this one. Sounds scary and lonely right?

As simple as it may sound on pen and paper, it is actually not that easy to leave abusive relationships. Only a few gather the courage to escape their abusive partners. These survivors might later stumble upon articles or books that provide them with the terms they can use in order to understand what actually was happening to them, and only then can they articulate and understand their experience for what it truly was.

Until then, they are still in a dilemma and struggling to find the right words to explain the hell they have survived. 

Read Abusive Relationships: From Disregard to Dominance

How Abusive Relationships Trap Us Into Not Leaving

The most important thing you need to know and understand is that abuse is NOT always physical. Not all victims of abuse have physical wounds and scars to show that they have been put through hell by their partners; some have emotional and mental wounds that are hard to detect with human eyes.

The major reason behind this unawareness is how society has conditioned us to believe that abuse is always physical. In movies, we see the villains casually being violent to their partners, shouting at them aggressively and in some cases, even murdering them while being in a fit of rage. While this is indeed a form of abuse, it is only one form of abuse. There are so many more abusive tactics that abusers employ to torment their partners.

Abusive relationships begin slowly – with the occasional abusive and insulting comments. Often, these moments are brushed off by the victims, because they seem ‘harmless’ and ‘not that big of a deal’ on the surface. The reason for this is that abusers are exceptionally great pretenders and actors. They lead the victim to believe that they are everything they ever wanted in a romantic partner. Thus, the victims are tricked and blindfolded with their treacherous lies, and pretences.

Abusers are extremely intelligent and conniving people who know exactly how to set the bait and trap their victims. They know how to make someone fall head over heels in love with them. And when the abuser feels that their mask is slipping off, and the victim might see their real face, they convince their partner that it’s just a bad phase, because they are going through a tough time.

They use your empathy to trick you and before you know it, you are completely tangled up in their complex web of lies, deceit, manipulation, and of course, abuse.

If you have ever been in abusive relationships, then please know that none of it was your fault, and you did not deserve the mistreatment and abuse that came your way.

Another very damaging thing that abusive relationships do, and which keeps you trapped in the relationship, is making you believe that you are the sole reason for your partner’s anger. That it is because of one of your misdeeds that led to the rage. Thus, you stay back in the relationship to actually try and win back their affection, and ‘right your wrongs’, and ‘make it up to them’.

Abusers use this weakness to their advantage and mislead you into believing that you are the culprit, and they the victim. Once they have made you apologize to them for something you did not do, they will pose as the bigger person who has chosen to ”forgive” you, because they ”love” you. And so this vicious cycle continues, and you stay trapped, without even knowing it.

Read What Is Trauma Bonding and How It Keeps You Stuck In Abusive Relationships

Love – Abuse – Love: It’s NOT Fun!

Abusive relationships are like a rollercoaster- being showered with love at one moment, being abused the next, then again, being showered by love. This constant cycle keeps on happening, and happens at such a fast pace, that you don’t even realize it. Despite the constant stress, both physical and emotional, you are put under due to this unholy cycle of abuse, you tend to stay in the relationship because somewhere you hope that it might get better after some time.

It is kind of like a drug. Your partner loves you unconditionally until they decide to inflict different forms of abuse. You are compelled by the myth that it was your fault. Then, you feel the urge to please your partner so that things could go back to the way they were. It becomes like an addiction to please your abuser so that things become normal once again.

Abusers damage your entire emotional well-being. Your feeling of self-worth becomes practically non-existent. Due to the constant abuse you go through and feeling like it is all your fault, you feel that you are incapable of being in a relationship. During these moments, the abusive partner comes to your rescue and shows you some love, and this results in you becoming more attached to the demon.

This clouds your judgement and allows them to fully take advantage of your vulnerability without you even doubting that they are doing something wrong, even for a second. They create a persona of being your ‘saviour’ in times when you are emotionally distressed because of the abuse they have inflicted upon you.

There’s no excuse for abuse – no matter how traumatic someone’s past might have been, or how dysfunctional of a family they came from. Past trauma and mental illness is not an excuse for abusing people and treating them badly.

In many cases, you believe that your partner is emotionally damaged due to some traumatic events in their past and that is the reason for their abusive behaviour. Most of the victims are good people at heart, and it is this innate desire to help others that pulls them towards abusive relationships. They genuinely believe that they can change their abuser and their life for good.

You want to stay back and help your partner overcome their trauma. You want to heal them. And throughout all this, your abuser is busy manipulating you into believing that it is only because of their traumatic past, do they behave with you badly, and they are actually good people at heart.

Read Recovery From Abusive Relationships: How Long Does It Take?

Walk Out Of The Darkness – You Deserve More.

It is very important to recognize the signs of abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself and get out of the relationship fast. Be aware of what constitutes love and how it is different from the way you or someone you know is being treated by their partners. Real love can never be violent and soul-crushing.

Escaping an abusive relationship is not easy due to all the manipulation and fear involved, but with the help of your loved ones and your own strong will, you can definitely do so. It might seem difficult initially, but once you take that one step of courage – it will be the best decision of your life!


How Abusive Relationships Trap us Into Not Leaving
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