Narcissists have a notorious ability to manipulate and control their partners. Wondering what happens when you leave a narcissist? Here are 5 tricks they use to keep you in their grip.
If you find yourself dating a narcissist, then I don’t need to tell you that it is not going to be easy. There are things a narcissist does – they’ll turn on the charm to hide the fact that they’re manipulating you and they’ll take you to hell and back with them.
However, you can escape them and it will be easier if you, know the techniques they are using to prevent you from leaving. Information is the key and if you can recognize certain practices, you can avoid falling victim to them and cut them out.
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These are the usual tricks they use to keep you tied to them.
1. They’ll turn up when you least expect them to
So imagine that you’ve managed to break up with the narcissist. You’ve quit cold turkey and eschewed all forms of communication.
You’re rebuilding yourself and just when you think things are great, they turn up when you aren’t expecting them. They’ll wait till something bad happens to you and send you a message offering comfort.
They might also send you a tragic letter telling you that they can’t find happiness without you. But this is just a spider’s way of pulling you back into its web.
Chances are, you’ve been honest with them and they know your weaknesses. They’ll aim right where they know they can get you so don’t give them the opportunity.
Remember that they don’t really care about your happiness. They just want to get as much benefit out of you as they can before leaving you for a new victim.
2. Sporadic displays of affection
When you begin dating a narcissist, they’ll look at you like you hung the moon. They’ll treat you like you are the person they care most about in the entire world and they’ll do it so well that you fall for them.
And when things are going down the drain, they’ll bring all this up so that they can reel you back in. Think of a puppy that is treated really badly most of the time but is rewards with some affectionate petting and food on occasion.
It will still love its owner and put up with the bad treatment for the sake of the few good times. In this case, you are that puppy.
The narcissist will kick you around all the time but occasionally, they’ll treat you to some love and you’ll fall for it. This works really well on people who don’t have a lot of confidence in themselves.
They’ll look for these little treats in the middle of the garbage dump that is their relationship. So if a narcissist does this to you, don’t let go of the memories of bad treatment. Just pack up and leave.
3. They swear that they’ll do better (They don’t really mean it)
Once you’ve managed to leave them, they’ll wait for a while before getting in touch with you and letting you know that they’re getting professional he in order to improve their behaviour.
They’ll tell you that they’ve had an epiphany and it’s made them work to overcome their narcissism. They’ll try to prove that they’re putting in actual effort. And this works.
You loved them so much and it was hard enough for you to let go. Now they’re tugging at your heartstrings and showing you all the goodness that you tried for so long to see in them.
But remember, these are all lies. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and they know this technique works quite well.
That’s why they’re putting on such a performance. They’ll try to touch your compassionate side but don’t forget that all this is just an act to prey on you again.
4. Appealing to your saviour complex
We all feel good about saving someone and the narcissist is well aware of it and will use it against you. They might tell you that their partner is abusing them and they need help to get out.
There might a fake suicide attempt, some run-in with the law, some tough spot that only you can get them out of and so on. It’s a pretty good tactic because it’s a win-win situation for them.
You can offer help but that just means they’re pulling you back in to the vicious relationship you took so long to get out of.
If you don’t rush to their side, you’ll just be left feeling like you’re a terrible human being for deserting them when they needed you.
You’ll feel like they came to you only because they care about you so much and can’t live without you. But really, beware of this tactic because it goes a lot deeper than you think it does.
They’ll do their best to come up with a convincing sob story and if you don’t fall for it, they’ll ensure that you pay for it.
5. They’ll slander you in front of all and sundry
Many are forced to go back to their narcissist of an ex just so that they can show the world that they’re not bad people. This happens because of all the stories the narcissists have spread around after they’ve been dumped.
You need to be on guard if the narcissist knows the people you generally hang out with because they will tell tales to make them believe that you are the devil incarnate.
You’ll suddenly be cut off by a lot of people and even people you’ve never met before will judge you for things you never did or did out of desperation in order to be free.
They’ll keep at it till you find yourself in a position wherein you have to reach out to them to fix your standing in society.
Before you know it, you’ll be saying sorry for hurting them, even if all you did was tell them that they abused you. You’ll be begging to be taken back even though it took so much of your strength to finally leave them.
Remember that you deserve a lot more than they can give you so don’t put yourself down for their benefit. Your true friends will be there for you because they know the truth of what you’ve had to go through.
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