If you find yourself dating a narcissist, then I don’t need to tell you that it is not going to be easy. There are things a narcissist does – they’ll turn on the charm to hide the fact that they’re manipulating you and they’ll take you to hell and back with them.
However, you can escape them and it will be easier if you, know the techniques they are using to prevent you from leaving. Information is the key and if you can recognize certain practices, you can avoid falling victim to them and cut them out.
These are the usual tricks they use to keep you tied to them.
1. They’ll turn up when you least expect them to
So imagine that you’ve managed to break up with the narcissist. You’ve quit cold turkey and eschewed all forms of communication.
You’re rebuilding yourself and just when you think things are great, they turn up when you aren’t expecting them. They’ll wait till something bad happens to you and send you a message offering comfort.
They might also send you a tragic letter telling you that they can’t find happiness without you. But this is just a spider’s way of pulling you back into its web.
Chances are, you’ve been honest with them and they know your weaknesses. They’ll aim right where they know they can get you so don’t give them the opportunity.
Remember that they don’t really care about your happiness. They just want to get as much benefit out of you as they can before leaving you for a new victim.
2. Sporadic displays of affection
When you begin dating a narcissist, they’ll look at you like you hung the moon. They’ll treat you like you are the person they care most about in the entire world and they’ll do it so well that you fall for them.
And when things are going down the drain, they’ll bring all this up so that they can reel you back in. Think of a puppy that is treated really badly most of the time but is rewards with some affectionate petting and food on occasion.
It will still love its owner and put up with the bad treatment for the sake of the few good times. In this case, you are that puppy.
The narcissist will kick you around all the time but occasionally, they’ll treat you to some love and you’ll fall for it. This works really well on people who don’t have a lot of confidence in themselves.
They’ll look for these little treats in the middle of the garbage dump that is their relationship. So if a narcissist does this to you, don’t let go of the memories of bad treatment. Just pack up and leave.
3. They swear that they’ll do better (They don’t really mean it)
Once you’ve managed to leave them, they’ll wait for a while before getting in touch with you and letting you know that they’re getting professional help in order to improve their behaviour.
They’ll tell you that they’ve had an epiphany and it’s made them work to overcome their narcissism. They’ll try to prove that they’re putting in actual effort. And this works.
You loved them so much and it was hard enough for you to let go. Now they’re tugging at your heartstrings and showing you all the goodness that you tried for so long to see in them.
But remember, these are all lies. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and they know this technique works quite well.