Did your narcissistic partner discard you or break up with you at the worst possible time?
It could be that you recently learned you have a serious illness (perhaps having been hospitalized) or lost someone close to you, only to have your partner act cold and aloof?
Or, maybe you finally received a long-awaited promotion at work, but your partner responded by showing utter indifference and flaunting a new love interest in your face (or worse, got engaged to someone else while you weren’t looking!)
One of the most heartbreaking stories I hear from clients and followers is how their narcissistic partner discarded them at the worst possible time. This might include the loss of a job, failing an important exam, following the victim’s diagnosis of a life-threatening illness, or the death of someone close to them (which sometimes includes a child).
Other times, the narcissist plans a devastating discard during what should be a joyous occasion, such as an anniversary, right before a long-planned vacation, or even when the victim finds out they’re expecting a baby…with the narcissist!
While you’re left to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart during important milestones of your life, the narcissist carries on with business as usual as though your history together means nothing.
To you, the horrific discard seems intensely personal, cruel, and callous. But, as devastating as it is, the truth is almost all narcissists discard their partners during important life events, special occasions, and devastating losses.
It’s one of their blueprint manipulations.
When the narcissist decides it’s time to discard you, nothing is sacred.
While you’re waiting for the ‘real, loving and romantic’ person that you thought they were to surface again and show a shred of compassion or basic interest in your situation, the narcissist couldn’t care less as they go about love bombing their new partner right under your nose.
Narcissists take pleasure in executing devastating discards at the worst possible times, and there’s a reason behind why they enjoy it so much. In fact, they are acutely aware of what they are doing, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you as an individual.
Why Discards Are Rarely Real and the WHY of Timing
It doesn’t matter whether the narcissist discards you during a joyous occasion or during a devastating loss, their actions and motivations following either event are almost identical.
The real aim behind these torturous, soul-shattering discards is that the narcissist is bent on triggering your abandonment wounds and deepening your declining self-esteem…which means they can likely keep you in the queue for as long as they deem you useful.
Often, what appears to be a discard is simply a tactic used by almost all narcissists who are no longer in the love bombing phase with a primary supply source.
They are in heightened manipulation mode – using your weak spots against you in order to control you and have the upper hand.
The reason they strategically implement discards during important life events is so that you will never forget them or what they did to you. In other words, when it comes to your memory bank, instead of recalling your child’s graduation, the warm accolades from your friends and family for your promotion, or the joy of being pregnant with a human life, what you’ll remember instead is the narcissist and their horrific abuse.
Following are two tactics narcissists use which look like a discard, but are really hidden ploys to keep you strung along indefinitely.
1 – Triangulation
Many “discards” involve the sudden appearance of a new person in the narcissist’s life.
In truth, the majority of discards are actually a sneaky implementation of the triangulation phase, where they begin comparing you with their new “love interest” and making you feel like you fell from grace because of your insecurities, nagging, declining appearance, exhaustion, etc.
And if you agree to remain friends with the narcissist, you’ll get to hear all about how great the new person is and, eventually, the narcissist will go so far as to share the relationship problems they’re having with the new person with you!