Narcissistic Supply: How You Provide Necessary Ignition for the Narcissist’s Fuel


, ,
Narcissistic Supply

Do you think you are a narcissistic supply?

Fuel (n.)  a substance that can be consumed to produce energy. 
Synonyms: diesel oil, gasoline, kerosene, coal oil, coal gas, fossil fuel, illuminant, combustible material, lamp oil, petrol, charcoal, fire, butane, gasoline, nuclear fuel, propane

Fuel (v.) provide with a combustible substance that provides energy
Synonyms: render, supply, provide, refuel, furnish, gas up, take up, take in

Survivors of narcissistic abuse are often caught in the crosshairs of dismantling cognitive dissonance in the aftermath of recovery. Part of the process of healing is acquiring a deep understanding and psychoeducation of the nature of narcissistic abuse.

Survivors read about Narcissistic Supply (NS), or the “ego fuel” that narcissists require from their relationships to maintain their precariously fragile psychological innards.

Related: The Empath, The Narcissist And The Brutal Reality Of Their Toxic Relationship

As mentioned in other articles, we know that extreme narcissists exist without a solid core identity due to factors that, in many cases, stem from childhood abuse and lack of a consistent, nurturing caregiver. In order to fill their psychic void, narcissists spend the vast majority of their day- time energy mining for emotional reactions from the people in their lives.

Emotional fuel can be positive, as in admiration, adulation, praise, empathy, compassion, attention, kindness, physical affection, and validation. Or it can be negative, as in an emotional response that shows anger, hurt, tears, humiliation, shame, yelling, embarrassment, and jealousy.

Extreme narcissists use both forms of NS to top off their gas tank of ego fuel, although the negative emotional reaction is actually a more potent and high-quality form of emotional propane.

Part of the healing process for survivors of this form of psychological abuse is the understanding that their narcissistic abuser actually did not feel empathy towards the survivor’s pain and suffering.

In fact, it is the sadistic extraction of NS as a result of causing emotional pain to the survivor that generates the most ego fuel for the abuser.  

Related: Narcissus And Echo: The Heartbreak Of Relationships With Narcissists

An extreme narcissist feels powerful and in control when they can simultaneously bolster up their love object on a pedestal and then subsequently wallop them off with abusive words.  For extreme narcissists, the love relationship is not about love. It is about acquiring and extracting prime grade NS, or ego fuel, even at the expense of their love object’s well-being. To an extreme narcissist, relationships exist for that reason alone.

The extreme narcissist actually seeks out high-empathy individuals to supply this delicious, exceptional quality ego fuel. If you are an individual who happens to be intuitive, empathic, compassionate, authentic, and a person of integrity, often extreme narcissists will target you for high-grade premium combustion.

Related: 20 Narcissistic Terms: A Glossary of Terms for Understanding Narcissism

Whether in work, love, or family relationships, it is the reaction of a caring individual that fills the psychic void of the extreme narcissist parasite, because the abuser lacks those very qualities and is, in essence, seeking to absorb the exquisite emotional fuel from their host.

Those abusers who tend toward the malignant end of the scale of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) deliberately seek to cause harm in a sadistic fashion so as to extract the NS of their love objects/subordinates/family members.

They actually take pleasure in emotionally abusing a supply-source after a period of seduction/infatuation/love-bombing. Those abusers who are more garden-variety narcissists may not operate consciously to cause intentional harm but nonetheless, if emotional reaction fuel is available, then it will be taken and lapped up eagerly should the opportunity present itself.

What can a high-empathy, intuitive individual do to protect themselves from the seduction and mesmerizing advances of a pathological emotional vampire?

First off, know your worth. Any relationship that is healthy takes time to gradually build with mutual vulnerability, reciprocity and trust-building.

If you are suddenly slammed with a marriage proposal and you feel like it’s too good to be true, the pace is dizzying, the sex is mystical, other-worldly, and spell-bounding, you best slow down and take a deep breath.

More than likely your romantic partner has commenced love-bombing so as to secure you as a source of Grade A Narcissistic Supply. All the potent bonding chemicals of endorphins and oxytocin are bathing your system to create an irresistible bond.

Related: 7 Sneaky Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back  

Devaluing and Discard will be shortly around the corner; what goes up must come down. And down it will come, with abusive language, silent treatments, gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse and put-downs, blame-shifting/projection, and smear campaigns. Cortisol and adrenaline surge in the survivor during this trauma of emotional abuse. A trauma bond has been formed. All to elicit ego fuel for the extreme narcissist. 

When survivors go No Contact from their abusers, they cease to provide that desirable cocktail of essential Narcissistic Supply. The survivor generates a shield of protection from further abuse by instigating and continuing with No Contact, in addition to healing from the trauma of emotional abuse by working with qualified helping professionals.

Related: The Silent Treatment Vs. No Contact: What’s The Difference?

Recovery work includes further reduction of cognitive dissonance through trauma-informed psychotherapy, enhancing self-esteem and fortifying boundaries, developing healthy and strong social support networks and self-care regimes, and of course, working through the traumatic grief of the relationship.

As a survivor heals through all these stages, s/he is able to hold on to their precious life energy which includes the beautiful qualities of empathy, integrity, authenticity, reciprocity, honesty, compromise, accountability, and compassion.

The survivor turns these healthy qualities towards themselves and is empowered to share their psychological and emotional strengths with deserving and safe others who can reciprocate such compassion.

The extreme narcissist eventually ceases to sink fangs in the survivor’s neck, because the survivor has embraced his/her strength and inner knowing, fortifying self-awareness and compassion with solid and healthy boundaries, strong social supports, and renewed self-confidence. When the inevitable hoover occurs, the soul vampire is not able to partake of a prior love interest’s lifeblood. And eventually, the emotional abuse is extinguished.

Related: Healing From A Relationship With A Narcissist

Healing for the survivor is inevitable with No Contact and trauma-informed psychotherapy with a compassionate psychotherapist skilled in understanding narcissistic abuse. 

Are you ready to heal?

Related video:

Originally appeared on ANDREA SCHNEIDER, MSW, LCSW

Republished with permission

Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic Supply Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —


  1. Anonymous


Up Next

Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Flying Monkeys: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapons

Have you ever heard of the term “flying monkeys” or “flying monkeys of the narcissist”? Who are they and what do they do exactly? This article is going to explore everything about who flying monkeys are and what role they play in narcissistic abuse.

‘Flying Monkey’ is the term given to those agents and allies that collude with an abusive person. Their role is to continue carrying out tormenting the victim on their behalf.

If it’s during the relationship, the abuser gets to abuse by proxy as it’s other people that are getting their hands dirty.

If it’s after the relationship has ended or you’ve left that job or left that area, it’s a way of perpetuating the abuse. Again though, the abusers hands are clean as others are doing the work for them.


Up Next

4 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Leader

Warning Signs Of A Toxic Leader

Have you ever worked with a toxic boss or toxic leader? If you have, then you know how horrible and malicious they really are, and if you haven’t, then read on to know the signs of a toxic leader so that it’s easier for you to understand what you are dealing with.


Poor, toxic leaders demand unquestioning loyalty and service to the leader.

Bad leaders rule by a sense of fear, both of outsiders and of the leader’s wrath.

Good leadership empowers followers, shows concern for them, and benefits the collective.

All too often, people fall prey to self-serving

Up Next

Eggshell Parenting Meaning: 5 Signs You’re Making These Mistakes!

Eggshell Parenting: Signs You're Making These Mistakes!

Parenting is one of the most sincere tasks in every individual’s life that should be done with utmost care and coherence. However, the relationship between parents and their children is often tampered by the mental, and behavioral issues of the parents.

Thus, mood disorders and the violent nature of parents can affect the child’s life. Eggshell parenting is one such consequence. In this blog, we will guide you to understand eggshell parenting and show you the risky spots you should avoid.

What is Eggshell Parenting?  

Up Next

Top 6 Most Notorious Serial Killers In History and Their Psychology Unleashed

Top Most Notorious Serial Killers In History

Some of the most horrifying and notorious murder cases in criminal history are those in which the most notorious serial killers caused irreversible harm to society by their horrific deeds. Motivated by an intricate network of psychological, social, and frequently pathological elements, these infamous persons have perpetrated atrocities that persistently enthral and appal the public.

Every instance sheds light on the dark psychology of serial killers, from Ed Gein’s horrific acts to Ted Bundy’s deliberate and planned killings. Investigating these sinister tales reveals not only the specifics of their heinous deeds but also the patterns and reasons behind them, providing insights into one of the most ghastly aspects of human nature.

6 Most Notorious Serial Killers In History

Up Next

The Role of Childhood Trauma in Serial Killers: A Deep Dive Into 5 Serial Killers and Their Upbringing

Role of Childhood Trauma in Serial Killers: Case Examples

The public’s fascination with the mystery surrounding serial killers has long sparked conjecture regarding the motivations behind people’s horrific behavior. The role of childhood trauma in serial killers has received a lot of attention, despite the fact that the reasons underlying their actions are complex.

In this blog, we explore the childhood experiences in serial killers to gain insight into their terrifying world. We aim to uncover the intricate relationship between pathology and upbringing by delving into the trauma in serial killers and unfavorable conditions that shaped these individuals’ early years.

This will illuminate the shadowy pasts of some of the most infamous murderers in history. Come along with us as we venture into the darkest recesses of the human brain, where the roots of violence are planted.

Up Next

Man vs Bear Debate: What is the Right Choice for Women?

Man vs Bear Debate: Is It Safe To Choose a Bear Over Man?

Even though Leonardo Di Caprio has proven that men can beat a bear in strength and intelligence, let’s not get carried away and remember that a bear can be more powerful than men. You can guess that we are here to discuss why women chose bear in the man vs bear debate.

The real question is, what threatens women more? Getting mauled by a bear and meeting a horrific death or getting violated by a man??

Women are inclined to the second option in the viral Man vs Bear debate.

Up Next

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? 8 Ways Narcissists Can Muddle Your Brain

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? Reasons Why It Happens

Have you ever heard of the term “brain fog”? Brain fog is like a maddening haze that seems to muddle your thoughts, makes you forget what you were saying, and has you searching for your clothes in the trash bin? Well, today we are going to talk about a specific sort of brain fog – brain fog after narcissistic abuse.

Imagine that you have just escaped from a toxic and abusive relationship with a narcissist. You are slowly picking up the pieces and trying to get your life back in order, but somehow you feel like your head is not in the right place. Everything still feels very odd and you still feel very lost.

Even though you are free from the clutches of your narcissistic ex, this bizarre mental fog just won’t lift. Let’s explore how narcissists cause brain fog, and the link between brain fog and narcissistic abuse.