Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

 April 09, 2017

Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

Breaking up hurts. Rejection on any level sucks, no matter how you slice it.

Most people recognize that relationships end for all sorts of reasons. Some are nasty, some are amicable and some are mutual. But they generally follow the same pattern – relationship ends, one or both parties grieve and then move on.

Getting over a relationship with a Narcissist is a much different kettle of fish. Depending upon the duration, the impact of such a union could have profound emotional, psychological, spiritual, physical and even financial effects on its victims.

Once a partner does manage to break free and gain the much needed emotional and physical distance, either by choice, necessity or abandonment, they are often left with some devastatingly painful questions like – Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him at all?

What one must always remember is that Narcissists do not love. They do not form normal, healthy, attachment bonds to anyone. To a Narcissist, their partners are objects, a source of supply, nothing more. And coming to terms with the fact, that you meant nothing, to someone who meant so much to you, is incredibly painful. Realizing that you were lied to, duped, conned and manipulated all along, is enough to send even a saint into a psychotic rage.

I think the hardest thing to get over is the deliberate mind fuck, the psychological warfare that the Narcissist uses to keep his victims emotionally invested in him.

Narcissists are generally angry, miserable people and they love to project their misery onto those closest to them. Once the honeymoon phase is over and their true colours emerge, their victims are saddled with trying to understand what’s happening in the relationship. Why are they pulling away? What did I do? Why is he treating me that way? Why are they ignoring me?

This kind of emotional torture is exasperated by the Narcissists hot and cold routine. The mixed signals of I love you one day and hate you the next, has women and men not only questioning their sanity, but their sense of self-worth as well. They are pathological liars and will lie about even the most insignificant things. If their partner catches them in a lie, they will often, either spin another set of lies or fly into a Narcissistic Rage and even put the blame on you, to keep you off balance.

They use a form of psychological intimidation, called Gas Lighting, where they present false information to their victims, which makes them doubt their own memory, perception and even sanity. They will often say something, then sometimes even in the same conversation state that they didn’t say that to perpetuate the confusion.

A Narcissist will take no responsibility for anything. He will criticize your appearance, abilities and your very existence. Everything has become your fault and you cannot ever please them despite your best efforts. The closer you try to get to them the further they pull away. Then once you start to pull away, they will turn up the heat and start their pursuit once again. This constant beat down erodes their victim’s self-esteem leaving them feeling completely confused, off balance and drained of all their emotional resources.

Everything is all about them, always and this consistent pandering to their every need and want, often pushes their targets into Co-dependent-like behaviour.

Victims get so wrapped up in the relationship and trying to fix it, that they lose themselves in the process. They have stopped thinking about their needs, their goals and their own happiness. All of their energy is spent on trying to win back the one they fell in love with. What most fail to realize is that that person never existed. The Narcissist pulls the old bait and switch. The person you met in the beginning was an actor and the one they are with now, is the true individual behind the mask.

15 comments on “Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

  1. Hey all
    I was with one for 4 year and out of the blue one day ended it no feeling and it was all me I did it I was not good enough she push me away and just as I would give up she was all nice and loving and wanted to spend time with me the lies about what she was doing and the things she was telling people made me look like I was a philosophy ex trying to make her life her to try and win her back she was telling her mate she had ended it but yet doing and saying thing different to me also as I have a 2 year old son with her I would of stayed for him but it come to a point where it was getting to much and and the little lies needed to be shown so I started to cover my back used recording app to record phone calls and pics to back up that we was still sleeping together even though she mad out I was sleeping on the chat and refusing to leave.. This was all bull as if I knew what she was doing I would of taken my son and left.. She had been seeing a guy from work and was also sleeping with him… Once I found out I left but the games still played on once she knew I’d not do things for her it was my son she would use and then I needed 2 weeks to free myself from her and then it was how crap a dad I am and how I’m not there for my boy so after a week I could not take anymore of the little texts she would send of my son and the vids of him so I give in I started seeing my son again but I was not giving in to her so then she would make plans for me to see my son and the give him to someone else on them days and make out I was being an ass she even put him at risk and because this was not working she then let my sister down who was unwell and had just come out of hospital and then tried playing my sister off on me.. Long story short the texts off her mate come in I then have to go to the police and i was the one given a pip she then setup a day for me to see my son after 6 months of stopping me because I have a new partner and when I went to see him she had gone out I waited fro an hr and left a note saying it’s going to court now as I was sick of the games I then popped back after as I thought maybe something had happened to my son and when I got there I was met by the door being slammed in my face so I called the police to do a check that my son was OK and I then get locked up for 16hrs I’m now on tag and and been done for harassment all I say is cover your backs if not for all the texts and cctv in my car and the camera on my phone I could of been looking at prison time

Leave a Reply