5 Psychological Reasons Why Breakups Hurt So Much

Why Breakups Hurt So Much 3

Like everyone else, you must have also been hurt by breakups. But have you ever thought about why breakups hurt so much, that it makes you crumble inside? Learn the psychological reasons below!

There is no doubt that going through a break-up can be a nasty experience, but what a lot of people are not aware of is that a lot of times the pain you feel from getting dumped isnโ€™t even because of love.

it's not the break up that hurts most

The heartache and sadness people go through post-break-up, more often than not, is actually because of a combination of reasons that arenโ€™t even associated with love at all. This is important when trying to get over someone.

When you can understand whatโ€™s really behind your feelings, you will have better control over them and this can help significantly speed up the healing process โ€ฆultimately working towards falling out of love with the person.

To better understand this, in this article Iโ€™m going to outline 5 hidden reasons why a breakup can cause so much pain. And whatโ€™s amazing about these, is that they have nothing to do with โ€œloveโ€ or your ex being โ€œThe Oneโ€ or anything like that.

Why Breakups Hurt So Much? 5 Hidden Reasons And Psychological Effects Of A Breakup

1. Worrying that youโ€™ll be โ€œforever aloneโ€.

Whether your relationship was picture perfect or a living nightmare, the feeling of loss is usually generalized in the human experience as painful and depressing.

It doesnโ€™t matter if he was Mister or Miss Right; you had already set your mind on tying the knot and living happily ever after. Isnโ€™t that where all relationships go?

Breaking-up with someone means starting over, and some people just canโ€™t handle that. โ€œThereโ€™s no one else for me!โ€ and โ€œWhat if nobody else puts up with me?โ€ are a few common questions people ask themselves in this situation.

Looking at things from this perspective, itโ€™s easy to see that this particular, stressful idea isnโ€™t tied to your ex at all. It isnโ€™t about the love you shared โ€“ itโ€™s about your own personal welfare. As soon as you find that new, special someone, all fears of being โ€œforever aloneโ€ will be thrown out the window. 

Read The Death of Love: The 7 Stages of Couple Separation

2. Unresolved issues start to rear their ugly heads.

A lot of people, without noticing it, use relationships to cover potholes in their lives.

Whatever the problem might be, whether they stem from a poor relationship with a parent or family member, underachievement or plain dissatisfaction with work, or a non-existent friendship circle, itโ€™s always easily kept neat and tidy with a (seemingly) happy little relationship to front the fortress that is your life.

Unless of course, you break-up, then thereโ€™s nowhere left for you to run from all your unresolved issues. Again, this particular break-up-induced stressor isnโ€™t tied to your ex at all.

Resolve personal issues before engaging in a new relationship, that way youโ€™ll always have something (or someone) to hold on to when things get rough. 

3. Ego injury.

Breaking-up and more specifically getting dumped can cause major damage to a personโ€™s ego. Who wouldnโ€™t get hurt knowing someone โ€œdidnโ€™t wantโ€ them anymore?

Itโ€™s upsetting and self-worth can usually go down with it, but understanding that this has nothing to do with your ex can help ease the pain.

Learn that your worth isnโ€™t defined by the people around you. If they donโ€™t want to be in your life, then hey, good riddance! It has nothing to do with you as a person, and getting dumped shouldnโ€™t lessen how you see yourself.

People break up with other people all the time for reasons that have nothing to do with the dumpee โ€ฆbut with private reasons that have to do with them themselves. Once you realize that, you take control of your feelings and move on faster from the bad juju.

4. Was I not pretty enough? 

After a nasty break-up, a personโ€™s mind tends to go to bad places to find a reason why they were left. Without getting a second opinion, people tend to think that it was because of looks or personality that caused their ex to walk out the door. More often than not, itโ€™s never any of these things.

Much like the unresolved personal issues we talked about in number 3, self-confidence issues can become a problem. Oftentimes, this isnโ€™t about what your ex-thinks about you, itโ€™s what you think about yourself.

Itโ€™s easy to use a relationship to make you feel better about your insecurities, and itโ€™s even easier to become more insecure if and when that person leaves.

Learn to love yourself more and discover all the great things there are about you. The more confident you become in yourself, the less affected you will be when people walk away. 

Read 5 Things To Know About Surviving a Break-Up

5. What now?

The longer you engage in a relationship with someone, the easier it is to get used to the things you do together. Most couples fit their schedules together just to make the most of the time they have.

Waking up and turning in for the night are all done synchronously, and that makes a sort of routine that you tend to get used to.

When the relationship is brought to an end, itโ€™s like starting from scratch. You lose any semblance of organization and find yourself in a chaotic day where every hour is just a question of โ€œwhat now?โ€ What do you do to fill in your time? It always seemed so easy back when you were together.

Remember that, again, this isnโ€™t about love. This is about losing something that made you comfortable; in this case, a routine. Find new hobbies, rediscover old interests, and just enjoy yourself!

The process of getting over someone you canโ€™t have can be a painful experience, and no one ever said it was wrong to feel pain, but you shouldnโ€™t confuse this pain with thinking that you must really have โ€œlovedโ€ your ex or that they were โ€œThe Oneโ€.

As we have seen in this article, the reasons you feel such pain after a breakup often arenโ€™t even related to your ex or any โ€œloveโ€ for them at all.

Learn more about yourself and understand your feelings to help yourself move on. Remember, it isnโ€™t always about your ex. The sooner you realize that itโ€™s not the end of the world, the happier youโ€™ll be.

Are you hurt by breakups and want to understand why are breakups painful? Then check out this video below:


Yours Appreciatively,
John Alex Clark โ€“ Relationship & Life Coach

For more information on relationship advice, check out John Alex Clarkโ€™s website โ€œRelationshipPsychology.comโ€.

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Why Breakups Hurt So Much Psychological Reasons

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