4 Steps To Get Your Power Back When In A Relationship with A Narcissist

Steps To Get Power Back In Relationship with Narcissist

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?
In my psychiatric practice, I’ve seen how hard it is for my patients to break up with a partner who’s a narcissist.
Narcissists can make you fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you’re giving up a part of your heart to leave them. And they use every manipulation in the book to get you to stay.

On the surface narcissists can seem charming, intelligent, caring—knowing how to entice and lure their way back into your life. But once they reel you back then they revert to their egotistical selves. Their motto will always be “Me First!” Everything’s all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention. They can also be highly intuitive, but use their intuition for self-interest and manipulation.

Narcissists are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. (The damage of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly detailed in Alice Miller’s Drama of the Gifted Child). Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them.

Related: 3 Sneaky And Scary Breakup Tactics Of A Narcissist

To find out if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, ask yourself the following questions from my book, Emotional Freedom.


Does the person act as if life revolves around him?

Do I have to compliment him to get his attention or approval?

Does he constantly steer the conversation back to himself?

Does he downplay my feelings or interests?

If I disagree, does he become cold or withholding?

If you answer “yes” to one or two questions, it’s likely you’re dealing with a narcissist. Responding “yes” to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is violating your emotional freedom.

Related: 5 Good Reasons To Leave a Narcissist

Narcissists are hard nuts to crack. With these patients, the best I can do is align with their positive aspects and focus on behaviors that they agree aren’t working. Still, even if one wants to change, progress is limited, with meager gains. My professional advice: Don’t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions they’re capable of the give and take necessary for intimacy. In such relationships you’ll always be emotionally alone to some degree. If you have a withholding narcissist spouse, beware of trying to win the nurturing you never got from your parents; it’s not going to happen. Also, don’t expect to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all the hoops you must jump through to please them.

If you’re trying to break up with a narcissist, use these methods from my emotional freedom book to get your power back.

1. Don’t Fall For Their Manipulations

They will use every trick in the book to get you back so be prepared. Narcissists are really convincing. When you are ready to leave, stick to your convictions and move on to a more positive future filled with real love.

Related: Invalidation and Narcissism: Why They Slowly Erase You

2. Set Limits

Since narcissists have no empathy, nor can they really love, you must leave them cold turkey and endure the pain. Set limits and say “no” to them and in your heart. Then gather all your strength and keep walking into the unknown towards something better.

16 thoughts on “4 Steps To Get Your Power Back When In A Relationship with A Narcissist”

  1. Avatar of Hrishi Verma

    Look Idoit , I m a Narcissist , I let her Go because she love someone else and for her happiness I let her go without creating any drama or anything. And you are saying they use every manipulation. C’mon , Research again.

  2. Avatar of Lynn Santos

    Narcissist has to break up with you… then you’re free and the rest is history… tough when there are kids involved, because whether you like it or not, you still have to deal with them, and so as teach your kids how to… but stay away as much as you can, avoid conflicts because it will never be their fault!!!!

  3. Avatar of Tracy Mayhew

    Dr Orloff omitted to add (if you think they’re a narcissist):
    – pathological lying (even when they don’t have to, read up about duper’s delight)
    – constant cheating (for supply/fuel and because they’re inherently bored owing to their lack of depth of emotions)
    – no conscience (they treat life as a game and they have to win at all costs, irrespective of any damage they do)
    – inability to love (they attach, but don’t love)
    – delusional (they reframe things to make them out to be the ‘hero’)
    – manipulate (without thought or care of anyone else)
    – control (they are the power players – see no conscience above)
    – play the victim (everyone hurt them, made them do it or lied/cheated/conned them, it is in fact, projection)
    + + +

  4. Avatar of Maggie Hester

    I never want to be around one again. I understand they have a very real problem but I have spent the last 30 yrs dealing with a ‘psychopath narcissist’, the worst of the worst and I do not want anything else to do with someone who doesn’t know how to tell the truth or someone who only want bad things to happen to me.

    1. Avatar of Maggie Hester

      So sorry for you both. It was my husband’s sister so I am able to cut my ties. However, knowing the person has problems & dealing with the accordingly is much better than letting them get away with it or making excuses or using them to do your dirty work.

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