13 Signs You’re The Toxic Partner In The Relationship


, ,
13 Signs You’re The Toxic Partner In The Relationship

Sometimes in a relationship, you might not realize it, but it turns out that you’re the toxic partner, and you are the one who is bringing in all the negativity.

Do all your relationships start happily and enthusiastically but end up becoming toxic and poisonous every time?

Are you stuck in a painful pattern of picking up wrong people?

If that’s the case it is time to work do some self-reflection and work on your own healing to break the cycle. When you start the process of reflection and healing, you might discover that you also have certain unhealthy behavior patterns that attract these people into your life in the first place.

This discovery can be painful initially but awareness is the first step towards solving any problem.

These are 13 things you might be doing to your partner, without even realizing they are toxic:

13 Signs You're The Toxic Partner In The Relationship
13 Signs You’re The Toxic Partner In The Relationship

1) You are a control freak.

There is a difference between being confident and assertive and being bossy and controlling.

When you are controlling you act as being the superior one in your relationship and try to dominate or exercise control over your partner. By being controlling you turn the relationship dynamic into one of a power game and a conquest to test your desirability instead of making it an open platform to share love and affection freely.

If you are a control freak, you do not consider relationships as a platform to give and receive love freely and openly but as one of the ways to stroke your ego and enhance your own sense of self.

Related: Eight Mental Abuse Tactics to watch out for

2) You always want things to be your way.

Are you a big fan of “My way or the highway”?

Then sweetheart, let me break it to you, this strategy just doesn’t work if you are looking to build happy, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationships.

We all have our likings and preferences and it’s obvious that we would like to get our way but if you are so adamant about having everything done your way that you use manipulative and controlling techniques to get your partner to do what you like, you are engaging in highly toxic behavior. It will build up heavy resentment and bitterness in your partner over a period of time.

A healthy relationship is not about an individual but it involves teamwork and meeting each other midway.

3) You don’t have boundaries or you don’t respect their boundaries.

The most common form of abuse in relationships is a boundary violation.

“Boundary systems are invisible and symbolic “force fields” that have three purposes: (1) to keep people from coming into our space and abusing us, (2) to keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them, and (3) to give each of us a way to embody our sense of “who we are.” – Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody

If we are not aware of how to uphold our boundaries and how to respect our partner’s boundaries, we would end up being in a toxic co-dependent relationship violating each other’s boundaries instead of being in a healthy interdependent relationship where we respect each other’s boundaries…

An example of sexual boundary violation is not negotiating with your partner about how, when and where they want to get intimate and forcing your desire on them.

4) You want your partner to fit into an image that you like.

You can offer advice to your partner on their life choices but you cannot force them into following your ways.

If you are trying to mold your partner’s thoughts, emotions, identity, and behavior into an image that you like, you are just being highly toxic and manipulative. You are just seeking safety and conformity to make yourself feel better; it has got nothing to do with love or intimacy.

5) You only care about your needs.

If you are extremely self-obsessed and cannot think beyond your needs, then you will turn out to be a highly toxic partner. You will be only interested in getting your needs met, your happiness, your problems, your entire world revolves around yourself only.

You have no time or energy left to cater to your partner’s needs and wants.

Love is not about thinking only about your growth and well being but also thinking about your partner’s growth and well being. It might be hard to accept this truth but acceptance is the first step towards improvement.

Related: 6 Diversion Tactics Used By Narcissists To Manipulate You Into Silence

6) You withhold emotionally.

When your partner visibly needs a kind word or some support, do you intentionally withhold it from them?

If you are doing this to create a power dynamic in your equation or you are too out of touch with your feelings to be able to acknowledge and express them in a timely manner, you really need to work on your healing and core wound that has cut you off from your own emotions.

This trait can be extremely toxic and force your partner to withdraw from you and ultimately end the relationship.

7) You minimize their feelings & emotions.

Minimizing your partner’s feelings and emotions is an extremely toxic form of manipulation and gaslighting. Your partner has a right to his/her feelings, no matter how intense or irrelevant they might seem to you.

If it is too uncomfortable for you to deal with those strong emotions, you can excuse yourself from that space and give them time to process their feelings but do not try to minimize or invalidate their feelings and emotions.

8) You use manipulative techniques to get your way.

If you use manipulative techniques like inducing feelings of guilt in your partner or gaslighting them to think their emotions and thoughts are not valid or use any form of verbal or emotional abuse during fights or arguments, you are being highly toxic in your relationships.

If you hurl abuses or physically abuse your partner during a fight then that is unacceptable behavior under all circumstances.

9) You make your partner feel like they are walking on eggshells.

Does your partner tell you that they find you highly unpredictable and don’t know how to deal with you?

Do they tell you that your emotional outbursts or emotional withdrawal scare or confuse them?

Does your partner tell you that it feels like walking on eggshells when they are around you?

Do you think that it is only their perception and you are absolutely loving and kind?

Then, sweetheart, they are exposing you to your blind spots.

All of us have some traits that are totally oblivious to us but are well known by people around us. If you have been getting repeated feedback about how cruel or insensitive you can get from multiple people, then it makes sense for you to stop and reflect on the feedback and correct your behavior if required.

10) You don’t know how and when to admit a mistake.

No one is perfect and all of us make mistakes. If you don’t have the courage or humility to admit a mistake and make amends then you are being extremely toxic in your relationship. If you just become blind to all your mistakes and act arrogant all the time, you will turn your relationship into a power struggle instead of a kind and loving affair.

Related: 12 Characteristics of Passive Aggression and How To Deal With A Passive-Aggressive Partner

11) You are insecure and clingy.

Does your life revolve around your partner?

Do you keep on checking on your partner? Are you suspicious of whom they are meeting or where they are going?

Do you feel insecure that you are not good enough for your partner and cling to them fearing they might leave you?

Well, your insecurity and clingy behavior may become a self-fulfilling prophecy and your partner will actually feel suffocated and end the relationship.

12) Jealousy brings out the worst in you.

Do you demand attention 24/7 from your partner?

Do you get extremely jealous if your partner goes out with their friends?

Do you get upset if your partner does not meet your demands instantly and try to emotionally manipulate them into getting your needs met?

Then, you are smothering your partner’s freedom. Love is about making the other person feel free and not making them feel like a prisoner.

13) You demand excessive validation and attention.

If you are not secure in yourself and seek attention and validation from your partner for petty things, you are just acting like a toxic codependent partner and not like a mature interdependent adult.

In a healthy and mature relationship, two interdependent adults come together who take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and well-being and do not expect their partner to do these things for them.

You're The Toxic Partner
Signs You're Toxic Partner In Relationship Pin
13 Signs You’re The Toxic Partner In The Relationship

One response to “13 Signs You’re The Toxic Partner In The Relationship”

  1. Laura Avatar

    This describes me in my relationship 100%. Is ugly to read and to acknowledge. I’m disgusted with myself for my of these things that i noticed long before reading this. This however gives me validation that I am the problem, when I’m always so sure Its the other person being ignorant or hard to get along with. I dont understand where it all when wrong in my life, i used to have mature, trusting, adult relationships with a struggle for power where we siply grew with eachother in life and in love. There was no bitterness or jealousy, no cheating ir smothering on either part. Now the past 2 relationships ive been in have been pure hell from the beginning, its like ive been trying to run them off except they just wont go. I think I wont to be left alone maybe im happier that way or feel im being used since neither of them have worked/work and in the good relationships ive had we both pulled our own weight, if anything maybe i was even spoiled a bit. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder ab 10 years ago and come to think of it I haven’t had a decent relationship in all the years since. I admit i am a lose cannon & im constantly telling ANYONE if they dont like things at my house theres the door whenever conflict arises. But i don’t want to deal with drama & no one pays bills but me so….. I definitely need help i know i do, im on psych meds bc i have to be without them i have mania & thats hell on earth bc theres literally no limit to the things ill do & nothing seems big or small untill ive came down & ruined my whole life in a matter of days & cant even account of any of it. Its torture!!!!! What do I do to fix my toxic behavior? I dont know where 2 start?

  • Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
Up Next

Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work

How To Deal With Bullies At Work

Trying to deal with workplace bullying day in and day out is not an easy thing to go through. If leaving your job is not the solution for you, a few research-based strategies might help you deal with the bullies at work.

Key Points

  • Toxic cultures are the top reason employees give for abandoning their employment.
  • Less than 25% of workplace bullies suffer negative repercussions for their bad behavior.
  • The best thing to do in response to workplace bullying is to leave. If that's impossible, maintaining physical distance from the bully can help.

For many of us, work is not simply a place we go to secure insurance and collect a paycheck; it is a community in which we seek belonging and purpose. Unfortunately, for targets of w

Up Next

When You Are Your Own Abuser: 7 Ugly Signs Of Self Abuse That You Ignore

Do You Emotionally Abuse Yourself

What do you feel when you hear the word abuse? An abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment others. But what do you feel when you hear the word self abuse? Are you an abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment yourself? No, right?

While we can easily spot the signs of abuse in someone else, it is often difficult for us to recognize the same signs when we abuse our own selves. We think it is normal to keep telling ourselves that we are no good. We believe it is okay to constantly compare ourselves with others. We feel it absolutely okay to let our insecurities, fears, anxieties, self-doubts and lack of confidence dominate our lives. Only it is NOT! Abusing yourself is as wrong and unethical as abusing others. 

And this is why it is important that you identify the signs of self abuse an

Up Next

6 Signs You’re In A Trauma Bond: What You Need To Know About The Trauma Bond And Healing

Signs Youre In Trauma Bond

When you’re healing from emotional abuse, it can be a little bit difficult to know where you stand. You can have good days, and then suddenly you’re rocked with a terrible day where you can’t stop thinking about the abusive person in your life. This is because recovery is never a straight line. And there’s also something called the trauma bond that’s a natural reaction to the abuse you’ve endured.

You may have heard of the trauma bond before. But we’re going to do a quick recap of what it is exactly (just in case you haven’t). And then we’re going to get into the six signs that you may still be in the trauma bond.

And then at the end, naturally, we’re going to talk about what to do if you are still in the trauma bond.


Up Next

6 Stages Of Recovering From A Toxic Relationship

Stages Of Recovering From A Toxic Relationship

Recovering from a toxic relationship is not as easy as most people consider it to be. You might have left your abusive partner and finally escaped from the hellhole you were in, but healing from the trauma and pain left by toxic relationships can be hard to accept and deal with.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described the 5 stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, paving the way for a deeper understanding of grief in the field of mental health. More than 50 years have passed since then, but these 5 stages are still used as a framework to describe many of the experiences of grief and grieving from traumatic events.

We now know that these stages can come in a different order, can be skipped over and/or repeated, and newer research has been suggesting that there are different stages that the bereav

Up Next

Raised By A Borderline Mother: Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal

Borderline Mother Effects How To Deal

Children who have grown up with borderline mothers know how hard it is to live with them and try and maintain a relationship with them. Understanding the borderline mother needs a lot of patience, but at the same time, it can be emotionally and psychologically exhausting too. However, you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling like this, because a borderline mother can be a lot, like really a lot.

When you are raised by a BPD mother, more often than not your childhood is characterized by fear, anguish, anxiety, and trauma. From a very young age, you learn to tread on eggshells because you never know what might trigger her or set her off. You never knew how she would react, which is why you were in a constant