Do all your relationships start happily and enthusiastically but end up becoming toxic and poisonous every time?
Are you stuck in a painful pattern of picking up wrong people?
If that’s the case it is time to work do some self-reflection and work on your own healing to break the cycle.
When you start the process of reflection and healing, you might discover that you have certain unhealthy behavior patterns that attract these people into your life in the first place.
This discovery can be painful initially but awareness is the first step towards solving any problem.
These are 13 things you might be doing to your partner, without even realizing they are toxic:
1) You are a control freak
There is a difference between being confident and assertive and being bossy and controlling.
When you are controlling you act as being the superior one in your relationship and try to dominate or exercise control over your partner.
By being controlling you turn the relationship dynamic into one of a power game and a conquest to test your desirability instead of making it an open platform to share love and affection freely.
If you are a control freak, you do not consider relationships as a platform to give and receive love freely and openly but as one of the ways to stroke your ego and enhance your own sense of self.
2) You always want things to be your way
Are you a big fan of “My way or the highway”?
Then sweetheart, let me break it to you, this strategy just doesn’t work if you are looking to build happy, fulfilling and long lasting relationships.
We all have our likings and preferences and it’s obvious that we would like to get our way but if you are so adamant about having everything done your way that you use manipulative and controlling techniques to get your partner to do what you like, you are engaging in highly toxic behavior.It will build up heavy resentment and bitterness in your partner over a period of time.
A healthy relationship is not about an individual but it involves teamwork and meeting each other midway.
3) You don’t have boundaries or you don’t respect their boundaries
The most common form of abuse in relationships is a boundary violation.
“Boundary systems are invisible and symbolic “force fields” that have three purposes: (1) to keep people from coming into our space and abusing us, (2) to keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them, and (3) to give each of us a way to embody our sense of “who we are.” – Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody
If we are not aware of how to uphold our boundaries and how to respect our partner’s boundaries, we would end up in being in a toxic co-dependent relationship violating each other’s boundaries instead of being in a healthy interdependent relationship where we respect each other’s boundaries…
An example of sexual boundary violation is not negotiating with your partner about how, when and where they want to get intimate and forcing your desire on them.
4) You want your partner to fit into an image that you like
You can offer advice to your partner on their life choices but you cannot force them into following your ways.
If you are trying to mold your partner’s thoughts, emotions, identity, and behavior into an image that you like, you are just being highly toxic and manipulative.
You are just seeking safety and conformity to make yourself feel better; it has got nothing to do with love or intimacy.
5) You only care about your needs
If you are extremely self-obsessed and cannot think beyond your needs, then you will turn out to be a highly toxic partner. You will be only interested in getting your needs met, your happiness, your problems, your entire world revolves around yourself only.
You have no time or energy left to cater to your partner’s needs and wants.
Love is not about thinking only about your growth and well being but also thinking about your partner’s growth and well being.
It might be hard to accept this truth but acceptance is the first step towards improvement.
6) You withhold emotionally
When your partner visibly needs a kind word or some support, do you intentionally withhold it from them?
If you are doing this to create power dynamic in your equation or you are too out of touch of your feelings to be able to acknowledge and express them in a timely manner, you really need to work on your healing and core wound that has cut you off from your own emotions.
This trait can be extremely toxic and force your partner to withdraw from you as well and ultimately end the relationship.