Sometimes in a relationship, you might not realize it, but it turns out that you are the toxic partner, and you are the one who is bringing in all the negativity. So, what are the signs you are the toxic partner?
Do all your relationships start happily and enthusiastically but end up becoming toxic and poisonous every time? Are you stuck in a painful pattern of picking up wrong people? Do you notice any signs you are toxic?
If that’s the case it is time to work do some self-reflection and work on your own healing to break the cycle. When you start the process of reflection and healing, you might discover that you also have certain unhealthy behavior patterns that attract these people into your life in the first place.
This discovery can be painful initially but awareness is the first step towards solving any problem.
These are 13 things you might be doing to your partner, without even realizing they are toxic. Let’s explore the signs you are the toxic partner in the relationship.
Related: Eight Mental Abuse Tactics to watch out for
Self-Awareness In Love: 13 Signs You Are The Toxic Partner In The Relationship
1) You are a control freak.
This is one of the major signs you are the toxic partner in the relationship.
There is a difference between being confident and assertive and being bossy and controlling.
When you are controlling you act as being the superior one in your relationship and try to dominate or exercise control over your partner. By being controlling you turn the relationship dynamic into one of a power game and a conquest to test your desirability instead of making it an open platform to share love and affection freely.
If you are a control freak, you do not consider relationships as a platform to give and receive love freely and openly but as one of the ways to stroke your ego and enhance your own sense of self.
2) You always want things to be your way.
Are you a big fan of “My way or the highway”?
Then sweetheart, let me break it to you, this strategy just doesn’t work if you are looking to build happy, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationships.
We all have our likings and preferences and it’s obvious that we would like to get our way but if you are so adamant about having everything done your way that you use manipulative and controlling techniques to get your partner to do what you like, you are engaging in highly toxic behavior. It will build up heavy resentment and bitterness in your partner over a period of time.
A healthy relationship is not about an individual but it involves teamwork and meeting each other midway.
3) You don’t have boundaries or you don’t respect their boundaries.
The most common form of abuse in relationships and one of the major signs you are the toxic partner in a relationship is a boundary violation.
“Boundary systems are invisible and symbolic “force fields” that have three purposes: (1) to keep people from coming into our space and abusing us, (2) to keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them, and (3) to give each of us a way to embody our sense of “who we are.” – Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody
If we are not aware of how to uphold our boundaries and how to respect our partner’s boundaries, we would end up being in a toxic co-dependent relationship violating each other’s boundaries instead of being in a healthy interdependent relationship where we respect each other’s boundaries.
An example of sexual boundary violation is not negotiating with your partner about how, when and where they want to get intimate and forcing your desire on them.
4) You want your partner to fit into an image that you like.
One of the glaring signs you are the toxic partner in the relationship.
You can offer advice to your partner on their life choices but you cannot force them into following your ways.
If you are trying to mold your partner’s thoughts, emotions, identity, and behavior into an image that you like, you are just being highly toxic and manipulative. You are just seeking safety and conformity to make yourself feel better; it has got nothing to do with love or intimacy.
Related: 6 Diversion Tactics Used By Narcissists To Manipulate You Into Silence
5) You only care about your needs.
If you are extremely self-obsessed and cannot think beyond your needs, then you will turn out to be a highly toxic partner. You will be only interested in getting your needs met, your happiness, your problems, your entire world revolves around yourself only.
You have no time or energy left to cater to your partner’s needs and wants.
Love is not about thinking only about your growth and well being but also thinking about your partner’s growth and well being. It might be hard to accept this truth but acceptance is the first step towards improvement.
6) You withhold emotionally.
When your partner visibly needs a kind word or some support, do you intentionally withhold it from them?
If you are doing this to create a power dynamic in your equation or you are too out of touch with your feelings to be able to acknowledge and express them in a timely manner, you really need to work on your healing and core wound that has cut you off from your own emotions.
This can serve as one of the major signs you are toxic and this can also force your partner to withdraw from you and ultimately end the relationship.
7) You minimize their feelings & emotions.
If you dismiss or minimize your partner’s feelings and emotions, then one of the biggest signs you are toxic.
Minimizing your partner’s feelings and emotions is an extremely toxic form of manipulation and gaslighting. Your partner has a right to his/her feelings, no matter how intense or irrelevant they might seem to you.
If it is too uncomfortable for you to deal with those strong emotions, you can excuse yourself from that space and give them time to process their feelings but do not try to minimize or invalidate their feelings and emotions.
8) You use manipulative techniques to get your way.
If you use manipulative techniques like inducing feelings of guilt in your partner or gaslighting them to think their emotions and thoughts are not valid or use any form of verbal or emotional abuse during fights or arguments, you are being highly toxic in your relationships.
If you hurl abuses or physically abuse your partner during a fight then that is unacceptable behaviour under all circumstances, and serves as one of the glaring signs you are the toxic partner in the relationship.
Related: 12 Characteristics of Passive Aggression and How To Deal With A Passive-Aggressive Partner
9) You make your partner feel like they are walking on eggshells.
Does your partner tell you that they find you highly unpredictable and don’t know how to deal with you?
Do they tell you that your emotional outbursts or emotional withdrawal scare or confuse them?
Does your partner tell you that it feels like walking on eggshells when they are around you?
Do you think that it is only their perception and you are absolutely loving and kind?
Then, sweetheart, they are exposing you to your blind spots, and showing you the signs you are toxic.
All of us have some traits that are totally oblivious to us but are well known by people around us. If you have been getting repeated feedback about how cruel or insensitive you can get from multiple people, then it makes sense for you to stop and reflect on the feedback and correct your behavior if required.
10) You don’t know how and when to admit a mistake.
Another one of the major signs you are the toxic partner.
No one is perfect and all of us make mistakes. If you don’t have the courage or humility to admit a mistake and make amends then you are being extremely toxic in your relationship.
If you just become blind to all your mistakes and act arrogant all the time, you will turn your relationship into a power struggle instead of a kind and loving affair.
11) You are insecure and clingy.
Does your life revolve around your partner?
Do you keep on checking on your partner? Are you suspicious of whom they are meeting or where they are going?
Do you feel insecure that you are not good enough for your partner and cling to them fearing they might leave you?
Well, your insecurity and clingy behavior may become a self-fulfilling prophecy and your partner will actually feel suffocated and end the relationship.
Do you demand attention 24/7 from your partner?
Do you get extremely jealous if your partner goes out with their friends?
Do you get upset if your partner does not meet your demands instantly and try to emotionally manipulate them into getting your needs met?
Then, you are smothering your partner’s freedom. Love is about making the other person feel free and not making them feel like a prisoner.
Related: 30 Signs You Are Not The Victim! You Are The Toxic Person
13) You demand excessive validation and attention.
One of the subtle signs you are the toxic partner in the relationship.
If you are not secure in yourself and seek attention and validation from your partner for petty things, you are just acting like a toxic codependent partner and not like a mature interdependent adult.
In a healthy and mature relationship, two interdependent adults come together who take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and well-being and do not expect their partner to do these things for them.
Do you relate to any of these signs you are the toxic partner in the relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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