5 Ways You Can Win Against A Controlling Narcissist

 / 

,
Ways You Can Win Against A Controlling Narcissist

Sometimes you just can’t get away from the narcissist that is tormenting you. It may be impossible to go No Contact so you are stuck with them in your life … for now. If that is your case then I want to give you some tools and strategies for when a controlling narcissist turns on you.

They will inevitably use intimidation to try to control you, but while they may seem scary and all-powerful that is truly not the case! Over the years I have come up with effective responses that will STOP the narcissist from triggering you into conflictive arguments – in fact, they will crumble and back off.

You’ll learn how to apply five remedies to a controlling narcissist’s antics and you’ll understand that it’s essentially all about you standing in a healthy sense of self that the narcissist can’t argue with or destroy. And soon enough you’ll be able to get them out of your life for good.

Today, I want to give you five ways that you can get quick wins against a narcissist when you can’t go No Contact or when you can’t get away from them. This is going to be so helpful if you’re in that situation.

I just want to quickly remind you about Thrive, which is my 10-week intensive Bootcamp, which is my most powerful, highly interactive live program to date. In this program, you’re going to break free, get real relief from the pain, and get your Soul, sanity, and your Life Force back in record time. So check it out via the link on this video or in the show notes.

Let’s get into the ways that you can respond to a narcissist to stop him or her triggering you, getting you to hand your power away, and gaining control of you, which is exactly what they want to do. That will stop when you take your energy back, when you stop feeding the narcissist narcissistic supply, which is your triggered emotional energy, and when you stand in your sovereign truth.

Related: How I Tried To Fix The Narcissist And It Almost Killed Me

I know you may believe, as I used to, that narcissists are scary, powerful, and intimidating, but rather they are really powerless little men or women behind a curtain in their false power, wanting you to believe that.

If you do believe that and fall into it, then they’re able to control you by using your fear or your triggered pain against you. You’re going to be amazed how, when you stand in your true power, how little they can use against you. They will actually crumble and back off.

Let’s go through how to do this.

5 Ways You Can Win Against A Controlling Narcissist

Number 1 – When You’re Accused Of Not Being ‘With Them’

A narcissist can accuse you of not being with them, of not supporting them, not loving them, not caring about them … all that stuff.

Narcissists manipulate, they guilt and bully when you’re not going along with their agendas, which of course, are very damaging for you. So you’re going to be accused of not caring, of being selfish, of not loving them, and you could be really badly demonized and called some terrible things, such as being wrong, stupid, defective, and so much worse.

What is always important with a narcissist is not to buy into what he or she says. Don’t try to counteract their argument because this equals how to lose badly. The more you try to explain and justify yourself or lecture or prescribe what decent behavior is to them, the more the narcissist is going to line you up and keep assaulting you.

The most powerful response from you is this one, “I don’t look to you to define me. I know who I am, regardless of what you think.”

If you can say that calmly and clearly with no further conversation, no extra justifying – that part is so important – this is going to be powerful. Then you’ve said it. You don’t even need them to agree with it. You just get on with being in your life.

controlling narcissist

Number 2 – Being Smeared

When a narcissist starts losing control of you, they will often bring in reinforcements. This is what’s known as abuse by proxy, through others which are known as flying monkeys.

Proxy abusers could be your family and friends that the narcissist has been able to turn against you, his or her personal minions, or even authorities. Of course, this is going to test you greatly, as it has so many of us. I went through this horribly as well.

I want you to know with all of my heart that if you feed into this if you get triggered and go into overdrive trying to fight back with presenting information to turn these people back to what the truth is, it’s going to backfire really badly on you because you look like the crazy and the bad one, and matters just get so much worse.

Here is the most powerful response, orientation, and stance to take, “People can think of me what they want. What I think of me is what is important.”

This is also really powerful when the narcissist tries to abuse you with third-party information, such as, “So-and-so really thinks this about you.” Narcissists will gaslight with that kind of stuff.

By taking your power back, you’re anchoring into, “My real tribe are the people who agree with me and are on the same team. If other people aren’t standing with me, well, then they’re just not my tribe.”

By being really committed to getting to this stage, I want you to know that the smearing will stop dead in its tracks before too long because, without your energy to keep it fueled up and alive, it truly does just all dissolve away.

Related: 8 Signs You Are In A Relationship With A Narcopath (Narcissist-Sociopath Mix)

Number 3 – Discrediting Your Personal Rights

Narcissists are pathologically jealous of what gives you energy and joy, anything that is uniquely you or your interests because they believe that he or she has to be the center of your universe for good or bad. So anything you’re feeling, it’s got to be all about them.

A narcissist will discredit your interests and where your attention is and they will try to abuse you for enjoying your interests or putting your energy somewhere else other than on them.

Don’t despair and argue back or succumb just to try to keep the peace, and stop doing what gives you energy and purpose and joy. Rather, take your power back by saying, “I enjoy what gives me joy and appreciation. I will do what I want regardless of what you think I should or shouldn’t do.”

Then ignore the tantrums and go and do it. Any shenanigans the narcissist tries to pull when you return, just ignore all of that as well.

Number 4 – The Derogatory Comments

Narcissists have a seething Inner Being of self-hatred, pain, and insecurities. That’s really what’s going on inside of them. So they are often feeling off-kilter. At these times, rather than taking responsibility to turn inwards and work through their own complicated feelings, they’re more likely to lash out and dump it all over you.

This can be set off on a hairline trigger or actually for no reason at all. So your comeback for this behavior simply is, when they’re accusing you of this or whatever, “I’m happy with how I am, what I think and do. If you aren’t, that’s not my issue.” It’s pretty powerful.

Number 5 – You’re Damned If You Do Or Don’t

Number five is kind of similar, but a little bit different, and it’s that really shocking thing where you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

Narcissists are never durably happy with what you are or aren’t doing. The hoops always get higher and harder. To try to appease a narcissist never works. It doesn’t matter what you try to do. The goalposts are forever changing, and you can literally drive yourself insane trying to twist yourself into every shape possible to please this person, which you just can’t do.

They will constantly tell you how you’re not doing it right, how you’re not good enough. So your comeback for this is, “I’ll never be good enough for you, and that’s okay because there’s plenty of people, including myself, who I am good enough for.” Very powerful and helpful.

Related: Are You A Source Of Narcissistic Supply?

In Conclusion

You need to understand that narcissists can only attack people if they have gaps in their self-esteem and a diminished sense of self.

So what I’ve suggested for you in these five remedies is all about you standing in a healthy sense of self that the narcissist can’t argue with. Yet, of course, it is a lot easier said than done, and I do have some disclaimers with this.

Firstly, you may need to do a lot of inner work to be able to hold this position, as many of us had to do because we were so affected and triggered, we couldn’t just decide to do those statements. We had to clean up a lot of the triggers inside to be able to do it.

Another disclaimer, sometimes no response may be the best response. Just completely ignore the behavior. Don’t feed the bear because it’s not even worth your response.

Maybe just think these empowering thoughts to yourself instead. They’re going to really help you be solid on the inside. Ideally, of course, you want your life to be filling up with non-narcissistic people who can reflect your true self-worth and the development that you’re now committed to by working on your Thriver recovery after narcissistic abuse.

A fully blown, ongoing relationship with a narcissist, even if you’ve got these little tips in your toolkit, could be really exhausting and it’s not in your best interest long-term to be going through that. Whereas separating, getting away and healing is definitely going to be your most optimal option so you don’t have to put up with that rubbish at all.

Hopefully, these skills are only temporarily needed, or they’re going to come in handy with narcissistic people who you could bump into at a family gathering, as an example.

I really hope that this has helped you today. Before I sign off, I’d love to encourage you again to check out Thrive, which is my powerful 10 week healing Bootcamp. It’s coming up very soon! It takes you on a personal interactive healing journey with me to take your power back, lay boundaries, and get out of the clutches of narcissists and narcissistic abuse into a sane, healthy, wholesome life that works and Thrives.

For more details, go to the link that appears on this video or check it out in the show notes.

Related: 18 Signs Of A Narcissistic Co-Parent and How To Deal

I hope today has been really helpful. As always, I look forward to your comments and your questions regarding this episode.


Written By Melanie Tonia Evans 
Originally Appeared On Melanie Tonia Evans
Ways You Can Win Against A Controlling Narcissist pin
Ways You Can Win Against A Controlling Narcissist pinop

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Do you often feel Defenseless and Defeated? 7 Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship

Am I In A narcissistic relationship? signs that confirms!

Do you constantly try to make sense of things that do not make sense? We know how exhausting that might be, constantly running in a loop with no ends not only drains you emotionally but also has serious effects on your physical and mental health.

If you can relate to the first sentence, you might have ended up with a narcissist, that is, someone having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This article discusses the 7 undeniable signs of being in a narcissistic relationship.

7 Ways a Victim Behaves in a Narcissistic Relationship



Up Next

Are Narcissists Delusional? 7 Signs Of A Delusional Narcissist

Are Narcissists Delusional? Signs Of Delusional Narcissists

Are narcissists delusional? It’s a question that has intrigued and confused many people out there. You must have come across certain people who seem to be a bit too obsessed with themselves, and who are always seeking admiration and validation from others. But what lies beneath this self-absorbed façade?

Are these people simply self-centered beings, or is there something lurking beneath the surface? Today, we are going to take a deep dive into the world of the delusional narcissist, and discuss seven glaring signs of a delusional narcissist.

So, are you ready to have your mind blown as we explore the darker side of narcissism and the tangled path it leads down? First let’s talk a bit about whether narcissists are delusional or not.



Up Next

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? 8 Ways Narcissists Can Muddle Your Brain

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? Reasons Why It Happens

Have you ever heard of the term “brain fog”? Brain fog is like a maddening haze that seems to muddle your thoughts, makes you forget what you were saying, and has you searching for your clothes in the trash bin? Well, today we are going to talk about a specific sort of brain fog – brain fog after narcissistic abuse.

Imagine that you have just escaped from a toxic and abusive relationship with a narcissist. You are slowly picking up the pieces and trying to get your life back in order, but somehow you feel like your head is not in the right place. Everything still feels very odd and you still feel very lost.

Even though you are free from the clutches of your narcissistic ex, this bizarre mental fog just won’t lift. Let’s explore how narcissists cause brain fog, and the link between brain fog and narcissistic abuse.



Up Next

Manipulating A Manipulator: 8 Subtle Tricks That Will Give You The Upper Hand

Manipulating A Manipulator: Subtle Psychological Tactics

Ever found yourself tangled in a web spun by a master manipulator? It’s a frustrating dance where you are treated like a pawn in their toxic mind games, and your are always the one who is one step behind. But what if I told you there’s a way to turn the tables? What if manipulating a manipulator may not be that hard?

Yes, you read it right. This isn’t just about defending yourself and holding onto your sanity; it’s about mastering the art of subtle manipulation.

In this article, we are going to talk about eight remarkably clever and subtle manipulation tactics that will empower you to regain control and outwit even the most cunning of manipulators. So, are you ready?

Related:



Up Next

Toxic Bosses Unmasked: 20 Warning Signs to Watch For

Toxic Bosses Unmasked: Warning Signs to Watch For

Having a toxic boss can really take a toll on you mentally, and toxic bosses are seriously so horrible. This article is going to help you understand the traits of a toxic boss so that you know which behaviors are not normal and ethical. Read on to know more about the signs of a toxic boss or toxic bosses.

We hear about toxic bosses all the time, but how do you know when a boss is “toxic”? “Toxic” is, of course, a vague descriptor. Are bosses toxic when they throw fits and scream, or only when they break the law?

Or are they toxic when they are immoral or unethical? Are they toxic if they’re nice one day and nasty the next, or just when they make you uncomfortable, nervous, or sick? These are valid questions because these individuals are easy to identify when their behaviors are outrageous; but perhaps less so when their behavior



Up Next

How to Deal With a Compulsive Liar: 9 Effective Compulsive Lying Treatment Techniques for Peaceful Relationships

Tips for Compulsive Lying Treatment and Restoring Trust

Ever met someone who constantly distorts the truth, weaves elaborate tales or downright lies all the time? Dealing with a compulsive liar can be perplexing and frustrating. This is why it is crucial that you learn about compulsive lying treatment and how to deal with compulsive lying in a healthy way. 

Welcome to the world of compulsive liars and compulsive lying, where every story seems too good to be true. These individuals spin elaborate tales effortlessly, blurring the lines between fact and fiction. 

Let’s unravel the psychology behind this intriguing phenomenon by exploring the mysteries surrounding compulsive lying, exploring compulsive liar symptoms, what causes compulsive lying, and most importantly, the available compulsive lying treatment options. 



Up Next

7 Glaring Characteristics Of A Shallow, Superficial Person

Superficial Person: Major Signs Of A Shallow Person

In a world where social media reigns supreme, appearances often take center stage, and the allure of superficiality can be hard to resist. You must have encountered many such people whose charm seems as fleeting as a summer breeze, leaving you wanting for something deeper and more meaningful. Well, you may have come across a superficial person.

Today we are going to take a deep dive into the world of superficial, shallow people, characteristics of a superficial person, and how to deal with a superficial person, so that you know how to distinguish between a genuine person and a not-so-genuine one.

Where facades reign supreme and authenticity takes a backseat, let’s explore how the world of a superficial person looks like.