Most of the time, it is easy to discern who is a narcissist and who isn’t. Whenever you come across someone who is unhealthily obsessed about themselves and thinks that the whole world revolves around them, it’s the most prominent sign that you have met a narcissist. But sometimes, you can also recognize narcissists by certain things they don’t do.
The paradox of identifying a narcissist is they will always catch your attention, and somehow on some level, you will definitely sense if a person is one.
Narcissists are known to be very egoistic, suffer from extreme self-importance, fantasize about unlimited power, money, and success, look for special treatment 24×7, have no empathy, are jealous of almost everyone they meet, take advantage of others to fulfill their twisted goals, and are exceptionally conceited.
Now, these qualities might be simpler to notice in a person, but always keep in mind that narcissists are smarter and way eviler than what they show on the surface. They are so devious that they will lure you into their trap with their magnetic charm and smooth-talking, and before you know it, you are trapped with no way out.
So, it’s better to know everything there is to know about a narcissist, and what they do and especially what they don’t do, to keep yourself safe from their machinations.
15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do
1. They never show who they really are.
Narcissists are extremely devious and manipulative people, that’s why they will never show their true selves when you initially meet them. They will put their game face on and slowly trick you into thinking that they are the best people you will ever come across.
They will manipulate you into thinking that they are good, pure-hearted, kind, and sweet people who have your best interests at heart. Sadly, you won’t be able to see the real them until it’s too late and you are completely seduced by their lies and charm.
2. They never make their partners feel secure.
A narcissist will always keep you hanging, and will never let you live in peace. You will always be wondering what they are up to and what their real intentions are. Narcissists will always make you feel insecure, and if you call them out on it, they will gaslight you and make you feel crazy.
They will never work towards making you feel secure, because if you feel secure, then they won’t. For them, one of the best ways to feel good about themselves is by making you feel on the edge and anxious.
3. They never want you to think of them as the ‘bad guys’.
Narcissists never think of themselves as the bad guys, and they will go to any lengths to make you think so too. When the time comes, they will do anything and everything to make themselves look like the best people out there. Impeccable manners, well-dressed and groomed, and the right things to say – all this will ‘cement’ the fact that they are good people.
No matter what you do or what you say, you will always be the culprit and them, the victim. They will make you feel broken and miserable, but they don’t really care. As long as you are unhappy, they are happy.
4. They don’t like not being in control.
Narcissists are control freaks, and one thing they absolutely hate is losing control. The moment they are not in control of anything or anyone, it drives them crazy. They want everything to happen according to their whims and fancies, and in case it doesn’t, all hell breaks loose. A sense of control makes them feel secure, dominant, and superior.
5. They won’t let you prove them wrong.
In no circumstances will a narcissist ever be wrong, at least according to them. This is one of the things that narcissists don’t do, and that is admitting when they are wrong. Every time you try to hold them accountable, somehow they will manipulate the situation and make you out to be the guilty one.
They can argue till the cows come home, but they will never accept their faults. What happens ultimately? You come out of the conversation emotionally and mentally drained. You are the one who ends up getting affected by all the toxicity.
6. They never see others as their equals.
To say a narcissist is delusional is an understatement. It’s always them who is the best. The prettiest. The smartest. The wealthiest, and whatnot. In their imagination, they are nothing short of God, and no one can ever be equal to them. Others are simply inferior to them, and will always be inferior to them.
If you try to prove or show that you are their equal, they will do everything in their capacity to pull you down, so that they continue to feel like the superior being they think they are.
7. They don’t have a sliver of empathy in them.
Narcissists and empathy? Really doesn’t sit right, does it? Well, because it’s true! Narcissists do not have an ounce of empathy in themselves and don’t care at all about other people’s problems and difficulties. They are the ones who you will find laughing while watching a sad, heartbreaking movie.
They will be the ones who will ask you to come to the office despite knowing that your mother died. Caring about others and their sentiments is something that narcissists simply do not understand, mainly because they are incapable of it.
8. They never do anything that isn’t beneficial to them.
Narcissists will never do anything for you if it doesn’t serve their interests. If they are doing something nice for you, chances are they have some vested interests, and it is only with time that you will realize that. After doing the nice thing for you, they will ask you for a ton of favors, which will mostly serve their interests, and might even put you into trouble.
9. They never take orders from anyone.
One thing that narcissists don’t do is that they refuse to take orders from anyone. They are so egoistic that they just cannot digest the fact that they will have to do what someone else is telling them to. It is a huge hit to their self-esteem when someone else tries to control them and their narrative in any way.
Chances are, a narcissist might even try to take revenge on you for this ‘unfairness’ and ‘blasphemy’ that you had the audacity to put them through.
10. They don’t like admitting that they have emotions.
Like everyone else, narcissists also have feelings, even though they will deny them. Most of the time, you will find them saying ‘I don’t have feelings’, no matter how much you might push them to say otherwise. But don’t think that they are good people underneath all that toxicity. When a narcissist declares that they don’t have feelings, they use it as an excuse for justifying their wrongdoings.
They will do the most horrible things to you, and if you confront them about it, they will cite the excuse of them not having feelings and not understanding the hurt and pain they caused you.
11. They don’t listen to what you have to say.
Whenever you come across a narcissist, you will notice that this is one of the many things that they don’t like to do. Either they will not listen to what you have to say, or they will pretend to listen and wait for you to shut your mouth so that they can talk. Your opinions, thoughts, and emotions don’t matter to them in the slightest, and they don’t care if you feel bad about that.
As long as they are getting to talk about themselves, and talk about what they think and believe in, everything’s right and just in the world. They might keep on ranting, but when it’s your turn, it annoys them to no end.
12. They don’t show any loyalty.
Narcissists are escapists and weak people, who run at the first sign of responsibility. The moment they realize that they will need to be mature and grown-up enough to handle a serious situation or a serious relationship, they will pack their bags, leave, and never look back. How it affects you, and how much it pains you is the least of their concerns.
As long as everything is desirable and comfortable for them, they are all in. The moment it’s not and they are not the center of the Universe, they will flee.
Related: How to Leave A Narcissist or Abuser
13. They don’t hang out with unattractive people.
Narcissists always pick people who will be of use to them, otherwise, they simply won’t hang out with them. You will always see them surrounded by powerful, successful, influential, and beautiful people. This makes them feel invincible, important, and superior. Narcissists might not be as successful, or beautiful, but just by being with such people, they feel like one of them.
Another reason why a narcissist hangs out with powerful people is so they will be able to exploit them whenever they want. They always have an ulterior motive for doing everything, and it’s the same case here too.
14. They will never compliment you.
Narcissists love getting compliments and thrive whenever the limelight is on them. But when the tables turn, and it is their turn to compliment someone else, they will never do it. They will never say anything good about someone else, due to their deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. A narcissist would rather die, than say something kind and good about someone else, but themselves.
15. They don’t believe in being polite.
Never expect a narcissist to be nice and polite to you, without any reason. Probably the only time they will be nice to you is when they will need something from you, otherwise, politeness is out of the question. They will say whatever they want to you, no matter how rude and hurtful it might be. Narcissists don’t care about other people’s feelings, and they never will.
Whenever you see these signs or even one of these signs in someone, then congratulations, you have met a narcissist. Just like you can deduce someone’s narcissism by the things they do, you can do the same by noticing what narcissists don’t do.