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“Of Course Method”: A Defensive Technique that Neutralizes Narcissistic Abuse

Of Course Method

The “Of Course Method” can help you tremendously when it comes to dealing with narcissists and their abuse, toxicity and mind games.

Setting boundaries is an important part of all relationships. It becomes even more important—and potentially life-saving—when you are interacting with a pathological narcissist. Those who are Self-Love Deficient (SLD), which is a new term for codependent, need to learn tools and strategies to set boundaries, even to the point of breaking up with someone.

One of the most effective techniques for setting boundaries and breaking free from a pathological narcissist is the “Of Course Method.” It may seem like a simple turn of phrase, but “of course” are two small words that hold huge power.

We’ll look here at what kind of work SLDs need to put in before adding the “Of Course Method” into their toolbox. We’ll also discuss what it looks like in practice and what the benefits of this technique are.

Related: 7 Signs You’re Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

SLDs And Pathological Narcissists: Features Of A Relationship

Before getting into the basics of the “Of Course Method,” we need to look at who it will benefit. This, along with other techniques in the 11-Stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program, is designed to bring freedom to those suffering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), and who are in a relationship with a pathological narcissist.

Here are the key features of what a relationship between them may look like:

  • A Self-Love Deficient (codependent) has an addiction to a pathological narcissist. Pathological Loneliness is the main withdrawal symptom after the addiction is broken. They are triggered by actions, words, and manipulation from the pathological narcissist, which keeps them powerless in the relationship.
  • A pathological narcissist uses control and manipulation to retain power in the relationship. They know what will trigger the person with SLDD and are constantly looking to keep them powerless.

To break free from narcissistic abuse, a person with SLDD must go through several stages and build an arsenal of tools to get there. Without effective tools and strategies, they are not willingly able to break free from their addiction.

The treatment program equips SLDs with tools, techniques, and awareness so that they can intentionally set boundaries and break free from narcissistic abuse. Each new method is another “tool” in your “toolbelt” to draw out when needed.

of course method narcissistic abuse
“Of Course Method": A Defensive Technique that Neutralizes Narcissistic Abuse

Building Blocks For Recovery: Where To Start

The 11-Stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program is designed to help people overcome SLDD and break free from narcissistic abuse. And while all stages are important for people with SLDD, stages six and seven are particularly important in relation to the “Of Course Method.”

These are fundamental building blocks that will help you get ready to implement the “Of Course Method.”

Here is a summary of the two stages:

  • Stage 6: Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm. This is the time when someone with SLDD starts to learn everything they can about the pathological narcissist. You take on the role of the observer, rather than the absorber, to see how they control you and set up the environment to keep you powerless.
  • Stage 7: Setting Boundaries in Hostile Environments. At this point, you are ready to take action. Based on the work you’ve already done; you can now effectively set boundaries with the pathological narcissist. This is where the “Of Course Method” comes into action.

By working through the stages, you gain predictive awareness. This is when you understand exactly what is going on with the narcissist, the situation, and your reaction.

Predictive awareness is like a chess player that anticipates a few steps ahead of their opponent. They know the game well enough to be aware of what’s going to happen next.

Predictive awareness goes hand in hand with the “Observe Don’t Absorb Technique”. Because you are working on your awareness, you need to positively dissociate from the encounter and observe what is happening. You can turn on your “Observe Don’t Absorb” mindset by:

  • Tapping into your predictive awareness to evaluate common patterns in the situation.
  • Identifying the tricks, manipulation, and coercion that the narcissist will try out on you.
  • Knowing your own triggers and how you normally react in a situation.
  • Avoid reacting in your old ways and remain neutral and detached from the immediate situation.

In short: the narcissist is trying to get you in the “wrestling ring” to fight, but you are just there as a bystander! Using the “Observe Don’t Absorb Technique“, you are remaining on the outside and retaining your power and control of the situation.

Related: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Can You Go Back To Being The Person You Were Before Narcissistic Abuse?

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Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is the owner of Self-Love Recovery Institute. He is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author. Ross is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio. His “The Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 120K copies and are translated into 10 languages. His YouTube Channel has amassed 19 million video views and over 200K subscribers.View Author posts