Do you have a true-blue narcissist in your life, who you are trying to ignore because they are making your life a living hell?
Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you.
Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away.
This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind, and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out.
That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head.
Until we know better we think that combatting a narcissist, when their cruel punishment emerges, can stop the battering – the onslaught of twists, turns, mind-bends, and outright abuse.
But it can’t.
In fact, every time we “go in” trying to get some sort of decency, accountability or sanity, things escalate and we end up even more disorientated, broken and traumatized than before.
What is the solution?
It is the VERY thing that is the ONLY solution.
Totally ignoring them, which means granting them no energy, no response and no bite back.
I discovered that ignoring the narcissist was the most difficult when he was trying to punish me.
These were the times when he’d decided I was somehow injuring his False Self and I needed to be throttled back into line.
This could amount to not meeting him at the door to greet him adequately. To punish me, he would abandon me and leave.
And … there were the times when he believed I slighted him, causing him to lash out with verbal abuse, name calling and intensely derogatory statements about my character.
Other times of punishment were when he believed I was involved with other men and would threaten or become physically violent with me.
I could go on and on … as I am sure you also could about the ways the narcissist in your life has punished you.
And for most mere mortals, like me and you, initially it is almost impossible to not react to a narcissist’s cruel and disproportionate behavior, when the punishment CLEARLY does not match the supposed crime.
Especially, if you are like me, a high-powered passionate person who has specific beliefs about life and others and how people should treat each other with integrity.
I used to be one of these people who HATED injustice vehemently. For me to sit back and shut my mouth when something was blatantly “wrong’, unfair” or “ridiculous” was like not brushing my teeth in the morning.
It truly was part of my make-up.
So, as far as the narcissist was concerned, my previous self was the perfect target for narcissistic supply – because all he had to do was do something odd/wrong/unjust/cruel/unfair and I’d be all over it.
Before my intense recovery journey, I just thought I was doing the right thing by confronting him. I didn’t realise the repercussions of my intensely co-dependent (sourcing my life from outside of me by trying to force other people to grant me myself) behavior.
What I was doing was defying all rules of Quantum Law – so within, so without.
This is the absolute nature of this Law: whenever we try to change someone else to grant us inner peace and happiness, we are firmly in Wrong Town … and all we get is MORE inner turmoil and unrest in our attempts.
The other thing that Quantum Law forces us to get (and hopefully we do finally awaken) is that inner peace and happiness is our own foundational responsibility and then and only then other people with healthy resources will follow.
Want to know more about how you can stop a narcissist? Read The 7 Things Narcissists Are Most Afraid Of
In this article, I wish to share with you the five most important understandings and processes to ignore narcissists, especially at the times when they try to hurt you the most.
1) Know Ignoring a Narcissist Hurts Them More Than Anything
I have found this key truth is very useful for people, to help them ignore narcissists before going to work on their Inner Game – meaning detoxing their trauma and reprogramming their painful beliefs.
Initially, it is very human that we want to get back at narcissists; we want them to suffer. They have hurt us, and what they have done to us defies our sense of loyalty, love and what we stand for as human beings.
Please know even though I am all for Quantum Recovery where we purposefully evolve ourselves to the stage where we have no need for narcissists to experience anything at all for us to have a truly wonderful, rich and expansive life (true Quantum Cellular Freedom), I deeply acknowledge the stages we go through emotionally.
Revenge and wanting to pay back, for most of us, is initially very real and coursing through our being. As long as we are prepared to work towards our inner recovery as soon as possible, this can be a helpful step to start ignoring a narcissist.
KNOWING nothing hurts a narcissist more than ignoring them.
It renders them insignificant, meaningless and void.
That is the deepest fear of the narcissist – having people turn their back on them and let go, because there is NO greater narcissistic injury. It is literal emotional annihilation.
Please know you have a window of time with your own emotions with this – yes ignore a narcissist because you know it hurts them more than anything, but start your recovery in deep earnest immediately as well – because if you don’t your ego’s delight at ignoring them will be VERY short lived.
The ego never holds energy and peace durably. It needs constant proof and confirmation.
Therefore, without deep healing processes to detoxify yourself from the narcissist, you will want to check up – such as look up social media, or get in contact with people the narcissist knows to see IF your ignoring them has really hurt them.
Your attention will still be on the narcissist, which means that it isn’t going towards your healing and recovery, and you will still be drained of and handing energy away.
This is why it is important to use this knowledge as your kick star ONLY.