Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Can You Go Back To Being The Person You Were Before Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Over the years of manipulation, accusation, and coercive control, it’s completely natural to think that you will not be the same again. All of these forms of narcissistic abuse create feelings of low self-worth and leave a mark on your emotional and mental health, sometimes physical too. But once you take the first step of breaking free, you’re on the journey to finding a better and much stronger version of yourself. Just take it.

When you’ve dealt with narcissistic abuse for a long time and you finally get out, you’ll spend a lot of time first grieving and then healing. The narcissistic abuse recovery process can be long and complicated but at some point, you’re going to want to start “being your old self again.” You know, the self you used to be – before you met the narcissist.

And listen – I absolutely get it. I felt that way too. Who doesn’t want to get their old self back after going through a whole self-altering toxic relationship? After all, you’ve been walking around feeling like a ghost or a shell of yourself.

The narcissist caused you to put all of your own interests on the back burner, or maybe they shamed you out of actually even thinking about the things you once enjoyed. It makes total sense that you’d want to feel like yourself again.

Can you become the person you were before narcissistic abuse?

Narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Can You Go Back To Being The Person You Were Before Narcissistic Abuse?

So, I’ve got good news for you, and I’ve got bad news. First, the bad news: here’s the thing. You’re never going to be able to become your old self again.

But don’t stress too much because, with that being said, here’s the good news: you can most certainly become an even more amazing version of yourself. Even better? When you create your new self with intention, you can almost literally become exactly the person you want to become.

Read: Signs You Are Healing

Desperately Seeking Self

There might be a part of you that feels angry and overwhelmed by the idea that you can’t get your old self back. So before I tell you why you can’t be exactly who you were before narcissistic abuse, I want to remind you of something really important here.

You’ve got to first be compassionate with yourself and realize that you have been through an abusive relationship with a narcissist who did everything possible to tear you apart.

Most likely, you did not realize how profound the damage was until the relationship ended – because often, narcissists keep us in a sort of “spinning” state, where we are so busy trying to get through the days without upsetting or angering them that we don’t have time to slow down and recognize the extent of the effects of the trauma.

And now, here you are, maybe riddled with depression and anxiety, and if you’re anything like most other survivors, you might also be suffering from C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) and/or other related issues.

You can absolutely heal and you can totally take your life to the next level. But your old self is gone. And that might feel really scary.

Why You Can’t Be Your Old Self Again After Narcissistic Abuse

Is it really true that your old self is gone after enduring narcissistic abuse? In so many ways, yes. But is there a way that you can go back to being the person you were before the abuse? Not exactly – but at the very least, you can heal and move forward and live a satisfying life.

Still, there are a couple of pretty simple reasons that you won’t be able to become exactly who you were before narcissistic abuse.

1. Time Changes Everything

First, let’s look at the practical side of things – there’s the fact that time has passed. Maybe you’ve had kids. You’ve had more experiences. And you’re older now. You might have been in this relationship for 20 years – or maybe your whole life, if the narcissist you’ve dealt with was a parent or family member.

Even without the trauma, you’d be a different person today than you were when you began the relationship. Time changes everything, and you are no exception.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5
nv-author-image

Angie Atkinson

Certified Life Coach, Author, Survivor. Discover, Understand and Overcome Narcissistic Abuse with Certified Life Coach, author and survivor Angie Atkinson, a recognized expert in narcissism in relationships and narcissistic personality disorder. As creator of the DUO Method of Healing, it's her mission to to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires - into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. As you can see when you visit the freebies page at QueenBeeing.com, Atkinson's online daily magazine, she's all about paying it forward.View Author posts