Why You Should Stop Looking For Love And Find Yourself Instead

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Why stop looking for love let it find you

Love. The one thing everyone wants. The one thing everyone seeks. Love is the closest thing to magic in our dull, dreary, gray hued lives. Love lights up the darkness in our hearts and makes us feel warm in the chilly weather of loneliness. No wonder most of us are so desperate to love and be loved. We frantically run around looking for the one, but we need to stop looking for love and let it find us. 

Will Love Come To You If You Stop Looking For It?

We need to stop being so afraid of being left alone. We need to stop being afraid of being strong. We need to stop being driven by fear and pain. You need to stop looking for love and let it find you. I know the lump in the throat and the heaviness in the heart is becoming unbearable. I know how badly you want to be loved. I know how much you deserve to be loved…unconditionally. And that is exactly why I am telling you, you need to stop looking for that person all the time and just let it happen at its own pace. Let love find you.

Related: Do You Crave Love? 7 Signs Of Emotional Hunger

To be loved: That is the greatest desire

You reach home at the end of a long day and sit heavily on your bed. You exhale deeply as if trying hard to let go of all your worries, frustrations and exhaustion. You look around in your room and you feel the emptiness in your bones. You wish there was someone right here, right now to hold you. To tell you that it was okay. That you did good today. That you were strong and brave. That the world can never steal away your inner beauty. Someone to tell you that you are safe now. That they have got you. That they love you.

Someone to tell you that you can rest now. Someone to hold you as you fall asleep… a deep, rejuvenating sleep that you have been wanting for a long time. And when you wake up, you see them sleeping beside you. Happy and calm. You think to yourself that you must have done something really good to have someone so amazing to love you. You feel the love in your heart and you put your arm around them and go back to sleep.

Paints a pretty picture, doesn’t it? Then why should you stop looking for love? Why should you give up on something so beautiful? Cause love is never begged. Always attracted. Always gifted.

Related: How Looking For Love In The Wrong Places Leads To Heartache

What is love if not knowing that you are cared for?

What is love if not having someone to share the silences with? What is love if not having someone to rely on? Knowing that no matter how terrible your day was, they will still be there to make it all better for you. And that is what all of us want. Love. Not fancy dates. Not passionate sex. But someone we can call home. And it is the inherent need for this feeling that makes us impatient and desperate to find the one.  

This whole concept of ‘the one’ or soulmate or whatever you call it, it’s not about sharing a cosmic connection or having a divinely romantic relationship. The one is that person you can share the simplest moments with and still feel like it was the greatest moment of your life.  And when you don’t have that person, you feel there is something lacking in life. Not that you feel incomplete or anything. No. You are fully capable of taking care of yourself and being alone. But there is this nagging pain in your heart – as if your heart is seeking something. 

And this psychological, emotional and spiritual need for love is what makes us needy, vulnerable and desperate. And so we embark on the journey of finding love. No, you don’t want to stop looking for love. You want to find that treasure trove that can bring new meaning to your life and fill your heart.

Related: Our Generation Has Ruined Love With These 4 Excuses

But love can’t be ‘added to cart’

You start looking around. That hot guy who walks past you everyday when you leave for work. That cute girl who works at the coffee shop and smiles at you for no reason. We start swiping right more on those hopeless dating apps that we know deep down are useless. We go on dates more often hoping to meet ‘the one’ really soon. But no. We don’t meet them. It breaks our heart as hopelessness creeps on us slowly. 

But we don’t stop looking for love. We don’t want to let go of that feeling – the feeling we know deep down in our hearts that one day we will be with them. So we try harder, become even more desperate, lower our standards and eventually screw up everything. We rush the process, believe liars, fall in love with narcissists, stay with abusers longer than we should, and break our hearts over and over and over again. In the end, we are left broken and bitter. We console ourselves by saying that there is no such thing as ‘love’. It ‘s all a ruse, a scam. Deeply regretting our dream of being with someone we could call ‘home’. 

And that is why we need to stop looking for love. Our desperation pollutes our mind and heart. It corrupts our views, beliefs and perspectives. It contaminates our intuition and our ability to feel real authentic love in our heart.

Related: What Is Love Addiction: 5 Symptoms Of Love Addiction And How To Stop It

That is why we need to stop searching for love

If only we could shop for love online like we do for everything else. If only it were that easy. But we are talking about love here. Love is not overrated. Love is not overhyped. It is as great as they say it is. Love is an elusive elixir that can heal all our emotional wounds. But the voyage to find love is as fruitless as the expeditions for El Dorado, the lost city of gold. 

The biggest problem with searching for love is that we are always looking in the wrong places. We are running after people who don’t care about us, people who don’t value us. We run after people who avoid us even after knowing what they mean to us. We chase people who think our love is an ego booster for them. But love is never begged for. You can’t ask someone to love you. Either they love you or they don’t. Love is a feeling, not a thought. So stop looking for love. No matter how empty, lonely, broken, damaged, depressed, pathetic, terrible, worthless, desperate you feel. Stop looking for love. You don’t want their scraps. You want to be loved. You want someone to be crazy about you. You want to go home to that person and have them come home to you. 

If someone is not loving you the way you deserve to be loved, walk away. Stop chasing them. Stop pursuing it. Stop begging for love. Stop looking for love in the wrong places. It’s not that the universe will help you find love or any of that cosmic bullshit. I don’t know, maybe the universe will help you, maybe it won’t. But you owe it to yourself to not beg for love. You owe it to the person who will love you for who you are to not beg for love. Stop looking for love. Just stop looking for love.

Related: Why Love Finds You When You Stop Looking For The One

Love is never found, always attracted

Why would you run after people who will have so little impact on your life? Why would you worry and cry over people who are going to be a speck in your memoir? Why of all things would you search for love, something that you deserve and is all around you? You cannot search, ask, beg or force someone for love. The more you keep searching for love, the more pain your heart will know. The more you pursue someone, the more you will be at their mercy. The more attention and affection you will seek. And you will never be satisfied with that relationship… with that ‘love’ – if you can call it that. 

You have to stop looking for love. Open your mind and heart and let love find you. You have to attract it. I don’t know how exactly the universe or the Law of Attraction works, but I know you will get love only when you let go of your need to find love. When you stop looking for love it finds you. It’s almost magical in how it works. Granted I don’t know the mechanics of how it happens, but I know it does. I know that love will come to you when you least expect it.

Related: What Strong Women Often Get Wrong About Finding Love: 4 Things To Know

Stop looking for love & find your genuine self instead

In life, certain things happen because they should. Like having your heart broken, losing a loved one or marrying the love of your life. Whether you like it or not, that’s how it will go about. But there are certain things that do happen because we deliberately make them happen. Like achieving your goals, improving yourself and being successful.

When your energy and focus is directed towards seeking love, you rob yourself of being mindful about self-improvement. And focusing on your personal growth is the only way to attract love. That’s just how it works. When you work on being the best you can be and stop looking for love, you become your most authentic self. And that’s when someone falls in love with you. With who you are as a person without any fear or worry. A person who is happy with themselves. A person who knows how to live in the moment, who enjoys the little things, who doesn’t seek to be loved but shares love irrespective of the pain they have gone through. They will love you for who you are – in all your flawed, imperfect, beautiful and genuine glory. 

Related: Can You Let Go Of Love And Still Find Happiness?

You don’t find love. Love finds you.

When someone loves you for your true self, you won’t feel the need to change yourself. You won’t feel the need to pursue them, to sacrifice your needs in order to meet theirs. You won’t have to tolerate abuse and manipulation just to receive an ounce of love. You can just be yourself and watch them become nuts about you. They will stare deep into your eyes and forget all the distractions of the world. They will hold you close when you reach home at the end of a long day and tell you how much they love you.

When you become your most authentic self, you will attract that person who will make you fall asleep without any stress or worries, feeling all the love in your heart. They will make you feel safe and make you feel like you’ve finally found your ‘home’. These are just some of the things that happen when you stop looking for love and focus on yourself.

Related: 5 Things That Happen When You Don’t Look For Love

Make shit happen and let love unfold

If you are still struggling with letting go of your need to find the one, then here’s how to stop looking for love –

  • Focus on yourself and work on your issues, insecurities and mental health
  • Rekindle, nourish, strengthen and appreciate your existing relationships with friends and family
  • Open up to a friend or a trusted loved one and learn to be vulnerable
  • Learn to be patient and trust that the right person will eventually come along
  • Take a break from dating and delete all those stupid dating apps
  • Stop worrying about how you look or dress and focus on being your most authentic self
  • Embrace solitude and spend more quality time with yourself
  • Stop taking love and relationships so seriously all the time. Don’t pressure yourself
  • Don’t force yourself to meet new people or socialize. Do it only when it feels right 
  • Stop approaching or flirting with people you don’t even like that much
  • Explore your creative skills and start a passion project. Pursue your hobbies and interests
  • Learn to relax and be grateful about the life you already have
  • Be honest with yourself and with others
  • Learn a new skill or do something new. Focus on personal development
  • Stop imagining how your potential partner should be and develop the skills you find attractive for yourself
  • Don’t rush the process, trust the process. Don’t be in a hurry when you meet someone interesting. Let things happen naturally.

Related: 9 Reasons Why You Should Never Chase A Guy

Stop looking for your soulmate. Stop looking for love. Find yourself instead. 

This is the real secret to happiness, my friend. Love yourself. Nurture your self-esteem. Value yourself enough not to chase anyone. Give yourself permission to be happy for no reason at all. True, eternal and divine love is the love for self. When you love yourself, you attract love from others. 

As they say in the Law of Attraction, “like attracts like”, so I say, “love attracts love.” Love will find you.

Related: 21 Things That Change When You Start Respecting Yourself


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    Tammy p

    Couldn’t say it better than described here.

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