Unleash your Mind.. Read Write Discuss Share
I stopped sending paragraphs, stopped begging,
I stopped telling people how to treat me,
and started walking away, blocking, and distancing myself. Life may be lonely, but it’s becoming peaceful. Sometimes being alone in life is better than being surrounded by half-ass people.
– Unknown
Being alone in our present society raises an important question about identity and well-being…
We believe that everyone is unquestionably creative, but we treat with dark suspicion (at best) anyone who uses one of the most clearly established methods of developing that creativity – solitude.
– Sara Maitland
It might hurt to walk away but that will never compare to the pain of staying. Don’t let the fear of being alone, keep you in a relationship where you are alone.
– Trent Shelton
I become attached to people I shouldn’t. I distance myself from the people who matter. I am bad with people. I am good at being alone. But I hate being lonely.
— Pien Pouwels
I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
– Henry David Thoreau
Are you tired of trying to fit into social norms? Do you feel a higher calling that is asking you to walk your own path and find your true self? Then you need to stop seeking social interactions and start getting comfortable with being yourself. You don’t need to live your life like everyone else does. Choose your path and set out on your own adventure. Embrace being a lone wolf and the freedom you experience will be priceless.
Walk your own damn path.
Don’t walk someone else’s path.
Don’t walk the path your parents predestined for you just because you feel emotionally indebted to them.
Don’t walk a path that appears to be yours, but it is actually society’s fabricated ideal of who you ‘should’ be.
Don’t walk a path just because you fell into it and it’s “good enough.”
Don’t walk a path that you feel a sense of enslaved duty towards because it’s what you “need to be” doing according to dominant socio-cultural standards.
Walk your own path. That means CHOOSING your own path in a very conscious way.
A lone wolf is typically defined as a person (or animal) who prefers to spend time alone rather than being in a group.
However, here lone wolf refers to a person who has listened to their calling and has left behind their old life, thus rendering them alone or alienated from others.
We all possess an inner wolf that thirsts for freedom, truth, and authenticity. If we seek to live a meaningful life, if we want to fulfill our destiny, it’s our job to listen to that inner wolf and embrace our sacred wild nature.
Although choosing your own path may initially sound very empowering, there’s a reason why most people prefer to follow the herd.
You might be gossiped about, thought of in disparaging ways (e.g. as a “kook,” “oddball,” “idiot”), and outright alienated or estranged from other people. Sometimes those people who reject you are those closest to you. And what could be more painful than losing a family member, friend or even partner?
As a species, we are biologically programmed to seek approval because acceptance equals survival. Inevitably, doing anything that may cause us to be rejected sets off those deep, primal alarm bells and raises the hairs on the back of our necks. I would go so far as saying that walking your own path guarantees that at some point someone will look down on you and say, “what on earth are you doing, you imbecile?”
No one is out there giving you a map, a set of rules, or instructions that tell you what to do. YOU have to be responsible for figuring it all out from scratch. It kind of feels like stumbling through the dark in a room full of sharp objects. You will make mistakes. You will fall flat and land smack bang on your face.
You will feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, and a lot of other uncomfortable emotions that come with doing something completely radical. And on a mental and emotional level, most people see that. Most people understand, on some superficial level, the consequences and therefore prefer the cozy, comfortable, and bland mediocrity of society-prescribed living.
When you take your path into your own hands, YOU are responsible. There’s no one to blame, point the finger at, whine about or feel victimized by.
You are the worker, boss, innovator, and creator all-in-one. Instead of someone else holding all the cards, you hold all the cards, and it is ultimately your problem if you wind up feeling shitty with what you do. Most people can’t handle that.
Most people like the comfy confines of their cages because it makes them feel justified about feeling like a “poor little” victim of life. Instead of taking self-responsibility, it’s much easier to dump the burden onto someone else’s shoulders and feel self-righteously empowered through blame.
Being alone is not a bad thing at all!
After reading my last blog, a client of mine asked me ‘can you be happy being alone?’ I asked her ‘what do you think?’ This client has been alone for almost 10 years so if I trusted anyone on this topic it was her!
After about 5 seconds thought she responded ‘hell yes.’
My client and I talked about why and here is what she said.
One of the best parts about being alone is that the only person you have to take care of is you.
I know that for the years that I lived by myself I had a lot of extra time in my day because I was only cooking (or not!), cleaning and planning for myself. Now that I am with someone else, I spend a good portion of my day taking care of him and his needs. And I love him and don’t mind doing this but I must admit that some days I wish I didn’t have to.
Imagine if your every day was full of doing only what you wanted to do, taking care of only yourself, cooking (or not), watching whatever TV you want to watch, going to bed on your own schedule and not picking up anyone else’s clothes.
How amazing would that feel?
Now, don’t get me wrong. The willingness to compromise is important in every relationship. However, in some relationships, we can sometimes compromise too much.
I know that when my client was married, she lived her life for what her husband wanted and needed. He wanted her to quit a job that she loved, so she did. He wanted to move to another town, even though she loved their current house, but she agreed nonetheless.
He insisted they have dinner with his family on Sundays, in spite of the fact that her family was around on Sunday nights as well.
Don’t get me wrong, her ex compromised too, I am sure, but she had to bend over backward most days to make him happy.
Imagine that, not having to negotiate with someone else around something that you want or don’t want to do. Living your own life on your own terms.
How amazing would that be?
One of the hardest things about relationships, both good and bad ones, is what I call the 1000 little cuts, those little tiny cuts that occur over the course of a relationship, cuts that undermine the strength of the relationship and, sometimes, lead to its collapse.
What kind of little cuts? Not coming home on time, leaving underwear on the floor, lying about how much beer you had with your buddies, spending more money at the dress shop then planned, farting without apologizing, not walking the dog at the right time, slurping your coffee, snoring, etc. You get the picture.
One of the nice things about being alone is that you aren’t subjected to those little daily pains, the ones that make you feel so bad about yourself and so bad about your relationship.
When I was alone, I remember distinctly how much better I felt at the end of the day because no one had caused me pain that day. My dog was curled up next to me, and he only loved me. I felt pretty good about myself, I have to say.
This is one point that my client made that I hadn’t really thought of before.
When you aren’t in a relationship, love is accessible anywhere. While romantic love is lovely, you can find love in both usual and unusual places.
First and foremost, you have steadfast and strong love from your friends and family. You know that they will be there for you through thick and thin and that you will always have someone to cry with or go to the movies with or spend the holidays with. No matter what.
There are also other ways to find love. A big source of love is volunteering. There is nothing better than working with people or animals who need love and support for bringing more love into your life. When I was first single, I volunteered at a food shelter once a week and when I went home I felt like a million bucks.
There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to exert myself and really say, oh God, I’ve got to see my friends because I’m too content by myself.”
~ Drew Barrymore
Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.
– Paul Tillich
Image Courtesy: Pexels.com
I used to think I was extremely introverted because I really liked being alone but it turns out I just like being at peace with myself and my surroundings & I am extremely extroverted when I’m around people who bring me comfort and happiness.
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
– Ellen Burstyn
Just because someone is introverted doesn’t mean they
don’t like company.
Interaction is just expensive and they don’t
want to spend it on something annoying.
There’s a difference between being alone,
when no one is with you,
and being lonely, when you feel
like no one is for you.
Date, In private
Love, In private
Be happy, In private
Live, In private
That way, You can
Take your losses, In private
Maintain, In private
Rebuild yourself, In private
In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.
– Rollo May
Because in being alone, you give yourself the gift of peace.
The solitude in its utmost form. It’s okay to be alone because you learn how to make yourself happy without the need of somebody else. You learn how to enjoy things without being forced to please others.
It doesn’t mean you are afraid of pain. It doesn’t mean you deprive yourself of the necessary vulnerability. It doesn’t mean you can’t get off your comfort zone. But it’s for you to dodge recurring troubles caused by being too open, too exposed to insensitive people. You’ve just become wise enough not to let everyone trespass your borders, because you knew not everyone has the best intentions for you. In being alone you build high walls and guard yourself.
You don’t just cry and ask for help. You don’t just let others fix everything for you. You never tend to be desperate. You never squander the time by waiting and looking for someone to be there for you; instead, you find the very solution for your struggle using your very own wisdom.
It’s okay to be alone whenever it’s your birthday, whenever it’s Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s or whatever celebration there is. Celebrating on your own may be sad to the eyes of the typical world but this just shows maturity (because you know happiness doesn’t just depend on the people around you), contentment (because you appreciate yourself enough), and bravery (because you don’t actually let others bother you with what they think).
To them, it may be selfishness, pride, cynicism, or simply anti-socialism. But the truth is, you are soft-hearted, you’re a listener, a thoughtful soul. Once you finally open up your heart, you lavishly pour it all out. You know how to truly love. You are someone worth the chase. Someone whose walls are meant to be shattered only by the people you deserve. People who can respect that deep, vast world you’re in. People who are sensitive enough to know you need the space and time on your own. People who can understand your idealistic principles.
Don’t be afraid of those who always mock you for being lonely, pitiful, friend-less, love-less. You know you are not. You know those are lies. They are just coming from the shallow people who can never be as strong as you are.
Written by Karla Crisostomo
Originally appeared on Thought Catalog
Printed with permission from the author
I used to think I was extremely introverted because I really liked being alone but it turns out I just like being at peace with myself and my surroundings & I am extremely extroverted when I’m around people who bring me comfort and happiness
Being alone has a power that very few people can handle.