Are you thinking about getting out of a relationship that isn’t serving you and are you wondering if you can let go of love and still find happiness?
It’s a scary thing – letting go of someone. You have invested so much time and energy into the relationship and letting go feels like quitting. There is the intense fear that you will never find love again and the prospect of being alone is petrifying.
But I am here to tell you that you can let go of love and still find happiness.
8 years ago, I got divorced. I was 46 years old and I had been married for 18 years. I was so scared of my unknown future and wondered if I could find happiness.
Here is my story.
#1 – No more thousand little cuts.
One of the first things that I discovered after my husband moved out what how much happier I was on a daily basis.
Every day of my marriage involved some kind of misery. Whether it be him having his 3rddrink after dinner and becoming crabby or me jumping on him for leaving his clothes on the floor AGAIN, we were making each other miserable every single day.
Once I was living alone that stopped happening. I would wake up in the morning and go through a day that wasn’t mired with a thousand little cuts. When I crawled into bed I wasn’t angry and bitter but content with how my day had gone.
And, I would get a good night sleep because no one was next to me snoring.
So, at the very least, know that your daily life will improve if you are no longer in a relationship that is making you unhappy.
#2 – No more being a pretzel.
When I was in my miserable relationship I found myself twisting myself into someone who I wasn’t, hoping to make us happier and keep us married. These contortions made me feel inauthentic and damaged my self-esteem.
Have you ever found yourself putting up with behavior that is not okay just to keep the peace? Do you bend over backwards to do things that will make him happy? Have you given up friends in an attempt to save your relationship?
Twisting ourselves into a pretzel for someone else is not a healthy thing. In order to maintain our sense of self-worth it is important that we do things that make us feel good about ourselves and our place in the world.
When my husband was gone, I was free to truly be myself and, man oh man, did that make me happy.
#3 – Living your own authentic life.
When I was married, I was a wife and a mother. My every day was filled with mundane tasks like keeping the house clean and making dinner. I defined myself as such and it kept me from living my own life.
After my divorce all of that changed. I finally had the freedom to do everything that I had always wanted to do.
I went back to school and got certified as a life coach and I started my own life coaching business, making a difference in the world. I volunteered at the National Alliance of Mental Illness, helping people living with mental illness. I worked at a food bank and volunteered at a hospital.
Every day I woke up and my day was what I wanted it be. And as a result, I started feeling really good about myself. No longer was I being the subject of daily pain or struggling with not being myself. My self-esteem went through the roof and I started to realize that I could do whatever I set my mind to.
How good would it feel to have your life be what you want it to be every day?
#4 – Having grand adventures.
One of the best parts of being alone, for me, was the opportunity to have amazing new life experiences, ones that were so different from those I had had during the time I was married.