I get it. You don’t want to let go of someone you love. Even when it’s clear that it’s over. Even when it’s clear that it is time and things will only get worse from here. Yet, you want to hold on just a little longer. But if you truly love someone let them go.
“No! No! It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. It’s working. Listen to me, I know it’s working. This is normal. Show me a relationship that doesn’t have problems. I will make it work. I know I can. Just give me a little time. Just a little more time. Please, just bear with me for a second here. Please. Don’t take it away from me yet. Please. It’s not time. It can’t be. Will you just listen to me once for god’s sake?”
But deep down you know it in your heart. You just know it. It is screaming at you. And even though you may pretend you don’t hear it, it’s still there. REALITY! Reality is a bitch. Yet, it’s real. Raw, ugly, unacceptable and savage. That’s reality for you.
But what can you do when your reality is the exact opposite of your dreams?
You live in denial. You tell yourself you can make it work. You tell yourself if you just loved him harder, if you just put in more effort, if you could just do MORE to show him how much you truly love him, what he truly means to you, he would stay.
He would still love you. Still value you. Take care of you. Make you smile and stare at you like an idiot…just like he used to. So you do more. You try harder. You give more. You avoid all the signs and red flags.
Related: Why It’s Hard To Let Go Of An Unhealthy Relationship: 11 Reasons
You fool yourself. “No! No! It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. It’s working.” You try to hold on harder. Your hands start to hurt by holding on to him so strongly. Your soul hurts by holding on to him harder. Your heart bleeds. You can feel him pulling away.
“No. This is not real. This is not my reality.”
So you live in denial. So you refuse to let go of someone you love. It’s not your fault. We are programmed to deny things that give us life-altering pain. This is why people going through grief often live in denial. They hold on to the past where their loved one was still alive. But sooner or later, we all have to come to terms with our reality.
The same is true for you. You are grieving the end of your relationship. You can deny it all you want, but the relationship you are holding on to so desperately doesn’t exist anymore. The person you are so madly in love with doesn’t exist anymore. The man you once called yours doesn’t exist anymore.
The man you think is still the love of your life is just a replica of him. A doppelganger. A cheap first copy. A version of him that you don’t even recognize. Even though he has the same face, smile and body – he is not the same person. But you know that already.
You can feel it when you slide your hands into his and he subtly flinches. So you grasp his hand tighter. When you try to make him smile and you notice that it doesn’t have that spark anymore. When you hug him tightly and his hands don’t wrap around you like before.
When you kiss him, it feels cold and hard. The passion, the softness, the love, the warmth, the connection… it’s just not there anymore. Your souls don’t connect anymore.
You talk about everything but you don’t talk about “us”. You spend so much time together, but he is never happy around you anymore. You want him to make love to you, but he is never in the mood. And when you really convince him to be intimate with you, it feels forced… like a chore. It’s like “let’s just get it done and over with.”
Related: Why Letting Go Of Love That Hurts Is Good For You
Everything is the same but nothing is as it used to be. And then you see it for the first time. You see it in his eyes – a deep love for someone else. A deeper love than he ever had for you. You close your eyes and refuse to look into his.
“No! No! It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. It’s working. Listen to me, I know it’s working. I will make it work. I know I can. Just give me a little time. Just a little more time. I can make it work,” you repeat to yourself.
But you can’t. All you are doing now is just holding onto an idea. The idea of him loving you. The idea of being together. The idea of being the happiest couple ever. And that’s all it is – an idea. Not reality. If you truly love someone let them go,
You refuse to let go of an idea that defines your entire being
So once again you refuse to let go of someone you love. Granted you share a history with him. Granted you had every right over him in the past. But that person doesn’t exist anymore. And you refuse to accept it. Your past doesn’t give you the right to control his future.
All you are doing is holding onto a fantasy of being together. And that’s just plain selfish. Yes, it’s heartbreaking. But you can’t run away from reality forever. You can’t force him to stay with you forever just because you are scared.
This is not love. It’s fear. It’s the fear of being abandoned. It’s the fear of rejection. It’s the fear of going back to a past where everyone made you feel like you are not worthy of love.
And your fear is making you force the person you love the most on this planet to stay with you, even though all he wants is his right to live his life freely. Just because you really love him, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the right to love someone else.
Shit happens. People fall out of love. People cheat. People breakup. People get divorced. People get their hearts broken. But is that fair? Heck no! But that’s life. Life’s not fair. It never was.
Related: To Truly Love, Is To Know When To Say Goodbye
I know. I get it. I can feel it. Your love is genuine. You truly love your person. You truly care about him. You truly want him. I know how much effort you put into this relationship. How much you sacrificed. Just to make him happy. You believed him when he promised you that he will always love you. That he will never let you go. You believed every word like a fool.
But hey, that’s love. Love is supposed to be unconditional, right? Love should never be forced, right? And deep in your heart, you know there was a time when he truly loved you. When he truly cared for you. You could feel it when he held your hand, when he hugged you, when he kissed you so passionately and when you looked into his eyes. You could feel how truly happy he was to be in love with you.
But is he happy with you now? This is the problem with the mask of denial and the darkness of fear. It makes you blind to reality. The more you desperately hold on to this idea of “us”, the more he will resent you. And while he may have fallen out of love with you, he doesn’t resent you. At least not yet. All he wants is to love the person who makes him happy. Sadly, that person is not you anymore.
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but someone has to tell you the truth. Someone’s got to burst your bubble. Someone has to hold your hand and bring you into reality. Someone has to tell you that the harder you hold on to him, the more painful it will be for you. The harder it will be to let go. And that’s not something you want. Trust me. It is time to let go of someone you love.
Related: Why Letting Go Of Someone Is Hard, But Also The Right Thing To Do
Why are you so afraid of being hurt?
Is your fear of being abandoned stronger than the disgust of being in a false relationship? Is your fear of losing him stronger than your disgust of forcing him to love you? Is this what you call LOVE?
Come on. Love is not that cheap. Love might hurt. And it might hurt like hell. In fact, the more authentic and pure your love is, the more it will destroy you. Love can be many things, but it never forces someone to reciprocate that love.
You know it in your heart. You just know it. That it is time to let go of that idea of “us”. It is time to let go of that person who doesn’t exist anymore. It is time to stop holding onto your fantasies and step into reality. If you truly love someone let them go. Just do it. Just take that painful step.
Because in the end, no matter how ugly reality may be, it is still real. It is the truth. And nothing is more beautiful than accepting the truth. This ugly reality is better than living a lie. It is better than being in a dead relationship. It is better than forcing someone to stay with you, even though someone else stays in their heart.
It sucks. But do it anyway. It hurts. But let him go anyway. It’s unimaginable. But step into reality anyway. Because at the end of the day that’s what true love is.
Related: 5 Harsh Yet Honest Ways Of Letting Go Of Someone You Love But Never Dated
If you believe that it is truly time to let go of that idea of “us”… that it is finally time to let go of someone you love, but you don’t know how, let me help you. I think you will find this helpful –
How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Desperately Trying To Hold On To
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):
Why is letting go so painful?
Letting go is painful due to emotional attachments and the fear of the unknown that comes with releasing them.
How do you move on from someone you love but can’t be with?
Moving on from a loved one entails accepting the reality of the situation and focusing on personal growth.
Can you ever let go of someone you love?
Letting go of someone you love might be possible with time, self-reflection, and support from loved ones.
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